Choices define you. Even the smallest ones can make the biggest impact on your life. The wrong pick, and I was screwed for the rest of mine. Because either way one of them would end up hating me.
"Okay", I said standing in front of the both of them. I had asked them to take a seat on the couch, and I was now standing in front of them about to speak.
"Cameron, I loved you. You were everything to me, but you lied to me. You chose your business over me, by lying to me." I quietly snapped. I regained myself, looking over to Alex.
"You. Alex you're such an amazing guy. You've been nothing but kind and sweet to me, and you've been here for me. But I feel like you think I only dated you because of Cameron."
I glanced back and forth at the both of them. Cameron sat with his head in one hand pouting.
"How is it fair of you, to make me choose between the both of you?..." I asked trailing off. "It's not."
"I love you both so much. You're both my favorite people. But asking me to choose one of you, is like asking me to kill the other one off, and I can't do that." I said tears streaming down my face.
"Then date both of us." Cameron blurted out.
Alex and I gave him a disgusted look. He furrowed his eyebrows, looked over to me and then back to Cameron.
"So you want to share a girlfriend? Are you stupid?" Alex asked sarcastically. Cameron shrugged. "I just thought it was a good idea, my bad." He said.
"See you're making a joke out of this, and it's not Cameron." My tone turned serious.
Cameron narrowed his eyes. "Oh I'm making a joke out of it? You're the one overreacting!"
"Overreacting? You wanna talk about overreacting? I SHOULD'VE overreacted when I found out you were running a prostitute business. I SHOULD'VE overreacted when Alex said you called asking for bail money. and I SHOULD'VE overreacted, when I thought that DATING YOU WAS A GOOD IDEA. BECAUSE IT WASN'T. YOU ARE AN IDIOT, AND STUPID AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE ANY GOOD. YOU WERE THE WORST MISTAKE I EVER MADE." I stopped yelling to catch my breath. Cameron's eyes were watery, and I could tell what I said hurt his feelings, but I didn't regret it.
Alex glared at him, then realized he was crying and his face softened. He glanced over at me, waiting for me to say something again.
"Mack.." Alex said softly.
Cameron stood up and went to his room shutting and locking the door.
"What?" I said. "You don't see it do you?"
"No.. You don't see it. Have you ever once stopped to ask him what he was going through? Or how he felt? He's always put you first Mackenzie. But the problem is, is you've never put him first." Alex stated.
I felt a twinge in my stomach. I didn't feel bad for what I said. He needed to hear it. But Alex was right. I had never once asked him how he was, or what was going on in his life, or gotten his full side of the story about his business.
"I know I'm sorry." My voice cracked slightly. I walked down the hall way to Cameron's room, and knocked on his door.
"Yeah?" He said. I could hear the hurt in his voice, and could tell he was bawling at this point.
"Cam.. It's me." I said quietly. "Please."
"Just go away Mackenzie."
"Cameron please."
It was silent for a few minutes, and finally he opened the door. My eyes met his wet, red ones, and my heart stopped. I had seriously hurt him, and I hadn't meant to this bad.
I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I just wrapped my arms around his torso, and squeezed hoping he would squeeze back. But he didn't. He only began to cry more.
"Cameron. I'm sorry." I pleaded. "Please stop crying."
I hugged him even tighter this time, pulling his head onto my shoulder, and he hugged back. Tighter than I've ever felt before. I pushed him away slightly, and then placed two fingers under his chin. I lifted his head up to look me in the eyes.
"Hey, I love you." I said pecking his lips.
"If you loved me, you wouldn't have said those things." He pulled away from me, walking towards his window.
"Cameron, I didn't mean them, I was just angry." I walked a little closer to him.
"But you said it." He said, turning around to face me. "You said it Mack.. And you meant it."
I frowned at him. "Cameron." I whined.
"Please just leave. You obviously want to be with Alex, just go for it." He said turning back to face the window. He wiped his face with his hands, and sat into his bed.
"Cam."
"JUST LEAVE." Cameron yelled. I nodded, and left the room. I walked back into the living room and sat down beside Alex on the couch.
"How'd did it go?" He asked knowing he already knew the answer.
"Don't ask.. You could hear him I know it." I said looking down.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I just.. you don't know what he's been through mack.."
"Of course I wouldn't he lies to me half of the time." I replied. "And how would you know?"
"Because, I know our dad. He's told me things about our mom, and how she treated him after Kylie was born." He stopped, as if he couldn't go on.
"What happened?" I asked sadly. I honestly had known nothing about when Cameron was younger. He never really spoke about it. Only to mention what happened with his parents.
"I really don't know if it's my place to tell you." Alex said rubbing his hands together.
"Please Alex." I begged.
He nodded. "This is all from what dad has told me.."
I gave him a nod letting him know to go ahead. He cleared his throat and leaned back on the couch.
"It started the day Kylie was born. Cameron had went down to the hospital as expect, with his grandmother, our grandmother, to meet her. Keep in mind at the time he's only one."
I nodded. Alex ran ha hand through his hair and continued.
"So he goes to see the baby, and Gina just absolutely shuns him. She's yelling at people asking them who he was, why he was there." He shook his head, as if he had live the memory once himself.
"She denied the total fact that he even existed.. Of course it didn't hurt his feelings though he didn't remember it. So skip ahead to a couple of years, he's around 5 or 6. It's his birthday party, and when everyone was supposed to sing happy birthday to him, his mom, had turned their attention to something Kylie was doing, and he basically spent his whole birthday sharing it with Kylie."
"Come on Alex, that doesn't sound absolutely terrible." I said.
"You didn't let me finish!" He said throwing his hand up.
"Go on." I remarked.
"So then that's when things started to really go down hill. She would call him names, and tell him he was worthless, and that she wished he had never been born. He would go to our grandmothers, and she would find burn marks on him, like from a cigarette car lighter. She seen huge bruises on his stomach, and legs, and every time she would ask Gina what had happened there would be some excuse on why he was hurt." He continued.
I shuttered. I couldn't imagine what that would've been like. In fact I could. But my abuse had not been that severe. She had never burned me.
"Cameron never said anything to her because he was afraid she would hurt him more. And I guess one day, as the story goes, he just started standing up against Gina, and she realized there was nothing she could anymore." He said leaning up.
"I didn't know. He never told me." I said shocked.
"Because I didn't think it was important."
My head shot up, and I turned to see Cameron leaning against the living room wall. I hadn't noticed that he had been standing there the whole time. Alex's eyes widened.
"I'm sorry bro. She needed to know, I couldn't let her talk to you like that.." Alex muttered.
Cameron nodded, and gave him a small smile. I looked back at Alex and then to Cameron again.
"I didn't think you had to know those horrible things. I didn't want you to feel sorry for me." Cameron whispered.
"Cameron of course I'm going to feel sorry for you. You didn't deserve that. You deserved way better. You deserve better now. And I'm sorry that I couldn't give it to you." I said trying not to cry for the 1,000th time.
"But all I ever wanted was you." He said his eyes full or sorrow.
My heart was breaking for him. I wanted to be with him so badly, but I didn't know how Alex would feel.
"And I know I know you like Alex now, and I'm okay with that. I just needed to know where your heart is." He said looking down to the floor. Alex remained quiet listening intently at our conversation.
But where is my heart really? Did I lose it somewhere along the way? I looked back to him, standing up.
"My heart. My heart is with you Cameron. My heart has always been with you. It still is. But sometimes I just feel as if your heart isn't with me. So tell me Cameron. Where is your heart?"