Wanda PoV
I can't help the smile that pulls at my lips as I look down at her, her head resting in my lap, eyes closed, an ever so soft rhythmic snore so quiet I can't complain and it's more cute than anything.
Her body curled up as comfortably so she can fit her body on the couch. One of her arms wraps around my back, squished between me and the back of the couch, her other arm draped over my knees while I sit criss-cross applesauce on the couch resting myself in the corner.
I fiddle with the ends of her hair between my fingers, loving the feeling of how soft it is and how it flows over my fingers so nicely. My other hand under the top of her shirt continues to scratch the top of her spine, that I started while she was awake and I would feel bad if she was to wake up because I stopped. I think it is what managed to lull her to sleep, in between her hangover and her overall tiredness.
My finger runs over some uneven skin, and I follow it down as far as I can before following it back up only stopping when she twitches slightly at the contact. She twists her body around, her lips smacking together as she is now facing me, her forehead resting against my hip, and her other arm wraps around me. I'm now trapped in her arms. Not that I mind.
I press my lips together at the feeling of her being so close to me again, trying to keep my emotions at bay for a little while longer and just bask in this moment. My finger goes back to tracing around the top of her back, every now and again my finger runs over the rough skin. I bite my lip when I think about why the skin is so rough, looking down at her with a sad smile as I think about everything she has been through in such a short amount of time.
I think back to everything she has told me about and the people she has introduced me to, in our little time of knowing each other. A small smile gracing my face as I think back to all the good memories that the two of us have shared these past few months, and the memories of her and the boys getting on like a house on fire.
The smile disappears when I think about how I took advantage of the happiness she was creating, the love she was bringing and her kind-heartedness. I start to think back to all the times I have hurt her, made her cry, made her walk away. And she always comes back, she always tells me it's okay, that she is okay. She always seems to have answers to why and how things went wrong and in turn why she can forgive me. Every damn time.
I don't want to be that person that always has to be forgiven. I don't want to be that person that has to continuously apologise for their actions, their words or anything like that.
I want to be the person that can make someone feel so loved, safe, cared for in their own life that forgiveness isn't a thing that needs to be given regularly, or apologise to leave my lips every time I do something wrong.
Yet here I am destroying everything good that she brings into my life.
She makes me so happy.
So why does it seem like I am trying to destroy something so good for me? Even if I don't actively know I am doing it until it's done. I don't mean to do it, I really don't but it's like I have no control over it sometimes and I say or do things without any control over those things and they are the actions that end up hurting her the most.
Therapy has been helping but I really don't want to fall back into the same pattern now that she is back, I can't.
I won't.
I feel the arms around me tighten slightly, as a groan leaves her lips before her face buries itself in my stomach. Her legs stretch out as she turns to lay on her back, her hands moving to rub at her face while her eyes very slowly blink open. She smacks her lips together before closing her eyes again as she takes in a deep breath.
"Ow." She moans lowly as she peaks one eye open to look at me, her arm moving to rest over her forehead the other moving to rest over her stomach. "My head feels like it is splitting in half."
"Hmmm, I'm not surprised. Apparently you drank a lot last night." I weave my fingers through her hair, gently massaging at her scalp which seems to relax her a little.
"How is my headache worse now than before?" Her lips smack together as she lets out a shaky breath and she doesn't even have to ask before I am reaching for the water on the table as she slowly sits herself up.
"Here, drink." She raises her brow slightly, her eyes darting between mine and the glass of water.
"Yes ma'am." She fakes a salute before taking the water and taking a few small slips, her eyes closing as she does so. "What is this magical concoction?"
"Water." Her brows furrow as she looks into the glass then to me.
"Did water suddenly become good?" I chuckle, shaking my head as she passes me the glass back and I place it on the table, her head is quick to rest back in my lap.
"Probably not but I am sure anything that isn't alcohol seems great when hungover."
"Hmm, maybe." She mumbles as she rolls onto her side once again facing me with her forehead resting against my hip. "Wanda."
I look down at Y/n, my name a whisper on her lips as she nuzzles her face closer to my front. I don't answer her straight away, my hands moving to weave back through her hair, my other hand once again finding home on her back under her shirt.
"Y/n." I whisper just as softly as she had whispered my name.
"We're okay right?" The question and the way she sounds so small and scared when she asks it makes my heart skip one to many beats and I feel my stomach drop for a second.
"I want us to be okay." I mean it when I say it but I also know I can't say we are okay when we still have a lot to talk about.
"I think we'll be okay." She mumbles as she starts to fall back to sleep, I let my finger trace down the side of her face as gently as I can to not disturb her from her impending slumber.
"Oh yeah?" she nods with a hum as her arms wrap back around me. "How are you so sure?"
"Because we both want us to be okay, so I mean we are both gonna fight for us right?" I smile at her thoughts on the matter, knowing that she is right about one thing.
"I will fight for us, baby. I promise." I feel her squeeze me and I look down to see she is already looking up at me with a dreamy look in her tired eyes. "What?"
"You called me baby." She gives me a very goofy and very tired smile, and I smile right back at her.
"You called me baby first." She hides her face against my stomach with a small groan.
"Oh you heard that." She chuckles as she looks back up at me and I use my finger to push some displaced hair back behind her ear as her cheeks go a light shade of pink as I look down at her, my bottom lip between my teeth.
"Oh yeah, I heard it." I trace my fingers over her brows as they scrunch together as she lets out a small maybe slightly embarrassed chuckle. "It was cute."
"Psh, stoooop." Her whole face flushes as he once again hides it against my stomach and I can't help the laugh that escapes.
Her body vibrates as she chuckles along with me, continuing to hide her blush as she does, and I just watch her enjoy the moment as my fingers go back to playing with the ends of her hair. I am savouring these moments as much as I can, trying to remember every single detail I can about the way she looks.
The few small freckles sprinkled over her nose, a few moles dotted down her neck. Her sharp jawline, the way in which it just makes me want to trace my lips over it, the way it makes me feel some kind of way when it looks so defined at certain angles. She turns her head to look at me, her eyes lighting up as she sees me already looking down at her.
My eyes flick left and right as I take hers in. Never failing to take in how they look so different in different light. Her heterochromia is something that I sometimes forget she has. Not in a bad way. But it's one of those things where you get so used to seeing it that it just becomes normal and then one day you truly look and you're just like wow, that is truly beautiful.
Not saying us, those with both eyes the same colour aren't beautiful but it's one of those things that reminds you of the person you love. It's one of the many things about the person you love that you don't appreciate or think about every day but once you take it in, take a moment it allows a feeling of appreciation and love to wash over you. It gives you a moment to truly appreciate the person standing, or laying, before you. For me, it's Y/n's eyes but for others it could be someone's freckles, or someone's smile, or a small blemish on their skin, maybe a scar that you can't help but run your finger over, or the way their hair falls past their shoulders.
Just something that becomes so normal but it's something that truly encompasses the totality of their beauty. It's that thing that when someone asks 'what's your favourite thing', it's the one you want to keep to yourself. No one else can have it because it's yours.
You get me?
"Where did you just go?" Her angelic voice brings me back to earth as she reaches her hand up slightly to cup my cheek.
"Sorry I was away with the fairies."
"Well welcome back from fairy land." I roll my eyes at her cheeky smile.
"You should sleep. You look exhausted." I boop her nose as her jaw drops and she takes on a slightly offended look. "Beautiful as always but exhausted."
"Hmm, good save." She looks up at me sleepily, her hand going from my cheek to the back of my neck gently pulling me down. "I want a kiss."
"Oh you want a kiss?" I raise my brow as she slowly nods her head puckering her lips.
"Mhmm, my lips have missed yours. So I require a kiss to remember how they feel against mine." I roll my eyes as she starts making kissing noises. "My lips are losing patience."
"If you weren't so cute I might be put off kissing you at this act." She gasps her eyes opening as her brows scrunch together.
"That's rude."
"And the act is cringy so stop or no kiss." Now she juts her bottom lip out faking small sniffles as she looks up at me with puppy dog eyes. "I guess that's a little better."
"Are you going to stop attacking my acting and kiss me or are you going to let me go to sleep grumpy." she now just pouts at me with sad eyes and I chuckle softly as I lean down.
"I would never deny you a goodnight kiss." I lean down so my lips brush hers as I mumble against them. "Though it is the middle of the afternoon, so I guess it's a good nap kiss."
"Whatever type of kiss it is, can we get on with it." She mumbles against my lips.
"I guess we can."
I smile into the kiss as it starts. Her hand is still on the back of my neck keeping me in place as I move my hand to hold her jaw. I feel her experimentally run her tongue over my lips and the electricity that runs down my spine has me opening my mouth easily to let her in. The rush of feeling her tongue start to explore pushes me to deepen the kiss, also my tongue pushing back against hers fighting for some form of dominance.
She gives in slightly allowing my tongue to win and I get the opportunity to explore her mouth. God I've missed this. I move my other hand to cup the other side of her jaw and tilt her head back so I can kiss her easier. I feel her smile into the kiss and I can't help but do the same as we both pull away slightly to allow us to take a second to breathe.
Her eyes flicker open as she rubs her lips together, my thumbs rubbing small circles on her cheeks as my eyes are stuck on the way her tongue runs along her bottom lip before her teeth pull at it. I lean back slightly but she simply follows me and moves to rest on her elbows and I don't get a second to think before she pulls me into another searing kiss.
My eyes shut as I just allow the feeling of her lips against mine to take over. I don't even fight it as her tongue once again pushes past my lips and starts to explore my mouth. I moan slightly as she sucks on my tongue and her hand on the back of my neck grips tighter against me as she keeps our mouths together.
A few seconds later she starts to pull away, pulling my bottom lip with her before releasing it. She brushes her nose against mine, as both our eyes open to meet.
"Wow." I whisper between us.
"I've missed that." She gives me another quick kiss as I smile at her words. "Sorry, I can't help myself. Your lips are so kissable."
"Hmmm, I'm not complaining." We both smile as she kisses me a final time before she lays her head back into my lap.
"Good to know I'm still the top in this." I gasp as I gently hit her arm, not even thinking about it until I've done it.
"Shit, I'm sorry I didn't me...." I am quickly hushed by her lips on mine again, in a very quick but soft kiss, and I raise my brows at her as she giggles.
"Sorry I just wanted to stop you from going on a ramble before I could say that it's okay. I'm okay." I bite my lip at her confidence in her answer and her hand finds home on my cheek. "So we don't get into a deep conversation all you need to know is that the therapy is working and I am in more control of my reactions then I ever realised I could be, you playfully hitting me like that isn't going to be a trigger issue anymore."
"I'm proud of you baby." Before she can reply to that my mind goes back to what she said a second ago. "Wait, what do you mean I can't top you?!"
She stifles a laugh as she shakes her head, "Oh baby you could never top me."
"Uh, yeah I could."
"No baby, no you couldn't."
"I can and one day I will."
"Sure, sure. The day you top me is the day pigs learn to fly." My jaw drops as she giggles, I scoff with a roll of my eyes.
"And why do you think I can't top you?" I cross my arms with a raised brow trying to ignore the way I feel a spark of electricity as she sits up to have her lips ghosting mine.
"Because baby, you love the way I can pull orgasm after orgasm out of you, saying my name like a prayer over and over and over again. You love the way I feel so much. You're my pillow princess. You could never top me because you would want to be rewarded for being so good at getting me off. And I would reward you so good I'd put you to sleep." My breath hitches at her words and I feel my face go red and she giggles as she lays back down. "See, even my words have an effect on you, you could never top me."
"Whatever." I push her back down. "I could definitely top you if I want to."
"If you wanted to? Baby you've had lots of times where you could have switched it up but you love the way my fingers make you feel so good. You make it sound like you allow me to top you."
"And what if that's the case?" She hides a laugh behind a cough before smiling up at me.
"Even if that was the case, which it is not, you would have shown that side of you by now somehow. A top can't play bottom for so long because they love to be in control. Losing that control throws us off and can actually make us a little uncomfortable if it goes on too long without that control."
"Hmm so what you're saying is you know I am not a secret top because I don't have the need for that control." She hums with a smile.
"Exactly, you would rather give up control then be the one in control. Unlike me who needs the control to feel comfortable."
"I guess that makes sense. But I could still top you." That makes her laugh with a wide smile
"Sure you could. Maybe in your dreams." She chuckles a little. "I can't believe we are talking sex and tops and bottoms when I only happen to be here because I apparently drank too much."
"I mean there is kind of a reason you drank so much and ended up here."
"Oh yeah? Why's that?" I run my hand across her forehead pushing her hair out of her eyes, and I feel my smile drop slightly as I recall the phone call.
~~~~~
"Hello." I grumble as I answer my phone that has woken me up at god knows what time.
"Hey, Wanda. It's Kate, I am a little itty bit, tiny itsy bitsy, teeny weeny little bit drunk. So like I am so sorry to be calling at this godforsaken hour but we were out with Y/n and we had a few drinks and you know we were having a good time. Oh! I finally made a move on Yelena and I mean wow Wanda she is great with her hands. Like. Wow. She has some talented fingers, but anyway I'm phoning to say some shit kinda happened."
"Huh?" I try to make sense of everything she just said and there is only one thing my mind is pulling from all of that. "You slept with Yelena?"
"Well not really slept with per se as there was no bed involved but yeah we had some fun in the club bathroom and I think I am going to be taking her back to mine once the night is over. Which it is and I am phoning to tell you why we are calling it quits now."
"Hmm good for you two." I slowly sit up with a groan rating against the headboard. "What has happened?"
"Well you'll never guess who we managed to run into tonight. You know New York is a big mother fucking city and the one person that we ran into was probably the person we least expected. We were at one of them 24 hour diners all of us wanting a burger or a milkshake. Yelena wanted her weird mac and cheese with hot sauce combo. I went for BBQ chicken wings. Ugh it was like heaven in my mouth. Wait no nothing can beat Yelena but those chicken wings were a close second."
"Kate, Kate, Kate." I say her name a few more times until she stops talking, running my hand over my face as I try to wake up more. "You said that you ran into someone?"
"Oh right. So we sat at this booth in the corner, nice little quiet corner even though we were like the only people there. But Nat wanted to be somewhere she could see all the entrances and exits. That woman is paranoid. Anyway someone walked in, I only know because the bell on the door, and it wasn't until Nat said to keep our heads down that my interest was drawn away from my fries. Of course all of us were curious and looked across. You can't tell someone oh don't look because that's gonna make us all want to look. But guess who we saw. Guess Wanda."
"I don't know, just tell me." I look up at my ceiling in slight frustration about ready to hang up thinking this is just some drunk call.
"Boo, you spoilsport. It was Steph we saw Steph." I sit up at that, my attention now fully on what a drunk Kate is saying.
"Wait, wait Steph was there!" I feel the anxiety in me rising. "What happened?"
"You know. Nothing bad. Which was surprising. She spotted us, it was like she could feel our eyes on her and she looked like she had seen a ghost. She took a step towards us, then a slight step back. I think Nat and Yelena were staying daggers at her, I was keeping an eye as well but too in love with my fries to ignore them so my attention was split. The next thing I know Steph was standing right there."
"Okay and then? Kate I get you're drunk but this is the longest story I ever did hear."
"I'm getting there. So Steph asked if she could talk to Y/n. She didn't look like she had an ulterior motive but you can never know. Nat went to say something, I actually think she was ready to beat the bitch up but Y/n was quick to stop her. Carol went to stop Y/n when she stood up but again Y/n waved her off. She agreed to talk with Steph but she said on her terms which was outside the window where we could see. Steph agreed. So they both went outside."
"Okay. okay just give me a second to take that in before you continue." I lean over to turn on the lamp on the bedside table, then take a big sip of water from the glass that I put there every night. "Okay go."
"Yes ma'am. So they went outside and they talked. I mean we couldn't hear them but we did see them and they literally just talked. Steph kept her distance, kept her hands in her pocket, they were actually conversing. Which is so fucking weird but it was nice to see them being civil. So they talked, for like 20 minutes and then when they were done Steph came inside and Y/n stayed outside. I am assuming to take whatever they had spoken about in. anyway, Steph came to the table and she apologised."
"Huh?"
"Yeah she came up to us and was like before you guys attack me or hit me or anything, which I honestly deserve. I wanted to come in here and apologise to you guys, I know I didn't do anything directly to you but I did hurt Y/n. I damaged her and I broke her down. And I am sure it wasn't easy on her friends and family to see that and .... Uh what did she say oh yeah ... and deal with the consequences of her actions. She said she has apologised to Y/n, which she knows will never make up for her actions and she ... uh she said uh ... she said that she doesn't expect forgiveness or for Y/n to ever want to see her again but she knows that she deserved to be told it wasn't her fault. She told Y/n something like it wasn't her fault for the way Steph treated her, it was all Steph and her actions. We all just kind of sat there in shock before Carol stood up."
"Oh no."
"No, nothing went down. But Carol said that it was a one time thing that this was going to happen and she actually moved and hugged Steph and said thank you. I mean she said she'll never forget what she did to her sister but she said thank you for telling Y/n it wasn't her fault and thank you for apologising. Steph then apologised for intruding on our night and then looked out to where Y/n was. She was the first to notice and she then looked around the diner then back to us. She was like where's Y/n. That's when we realised Y/n was missing."
"What!" I shoot up, sitting up straight with my feet already touching the floor. "Kate, why didn't you just start with that."
"I don't know. But yeah we aren't sure where she is and I thought that maybe she had showed up at yours." My mind reels at the news and I am quick to hop out of bed and head to the front door of the apartment to make sure she wasn't slumped against it.
"No she isn't here." I say worriedly as I open the door to see no one, closing it again to lean against it.
"Shit." My mind goes over the story Kate just told me again and again until it's like a light bulb goes off.
"I know where she is. You guys go home to get some rest, I'll go get her."
"Are you sure?" I nod until I remember she can't see me.
"Yes, yes. You and the girls get home safe and I'll go find her."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I run back into my room to get changed into something a little more appropriate then pyjamas ... sweatpants and a hoodie, of course Y/n's hoodie.
"Yeah. No problem. Message me when you're home safe."
"You're amazing Wanda. I will do byyyyeeeee." With that I hang up the phone and head straight out the door, luckily the boys have been staying with my parents since thanksgiving as I just needed some time alone so I don't have to worry about them when I leave.
I make sure I have everything and I am out the door.
~~~~~
"You said the boys are at school?" I chuckle softly.
"They are, but yeah they aren't staying here. But that wasn't the point of my story."
"Right, right. So where did you find me?" She has moved since I started the story and she is now sitting up with her head resting on top of mine, her hands holding mine in her lap as my head rests on her shoulders.
"I found you talking with Sarah and Evie."
"Oh." I can feel the way she shifts a little at the news. "How did you know where to find me?"
"Because I know you Y/n. You go to them when you don't know what to do, when you want answers. So I figured you were there with whatever Steph had told you. Whether you remember it or not now, it must have been one hell of an apology to get you to sit with your wife and child."
"What was I saying to them?"
"I don't know. I sat on the bench just out of ear shot. I don't think you had seen me come in and I waited until you moved to rest against them to make myself known. I didn't want to intrude on such a private moment."
"I don't really remember much. I think I remember seeing Steph now you've mentioned her but I don't remember what she said."
"Maybe you don't need to remember. You and her talked. You and Sarah talked it through with Evie supporting you. And I think you got the answer you needed from them."
"How can you be sure?" I move my head, hers instinctively moving until we are looking at each other.
"Because you got a visit from a little birdy." She smiles at the thought, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip.
"She visited me." She whispers out as she shifts her body so she can rest her head on my shoulder.
"She did baby. It was beautiful to watch. And I'm glad you have someone that you can talk to when you can't talk to anyone else."
"I miss them." I squeeze her hands bringing them up to kiss the back of them.
"I know you do, baby." She hums against me as I feel her get heavier as she relaxes more. "You've just heard a lot, you should try and sleep. I know you're tired."
"M'not tired." She mumbles into my shoulder.
"Go to sleep."
"Go to sleep." She mimics me but with not much effort as I feel her body sink against me more her voice barely audible. "I love you."
"I love you too dorogaya."
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Word count: 4904
Any mistakes blame the TV that was meant to be background news but was definitely more of a distraction.