„Come on." Jin tried to pick her up from the floor. „We need to get on stage."
„Is he there?" She said between sobs.
„No, he already went on the platform." Jin said, fixing Ann's makeup. „He asked about you, but I told him to stay away from you."
„Thank you." Ann smiled at her.
„Okay, you're good." She said, fixing Ann's hair. „Now let's get out there and show him who's the real grand prize."
They returned just in time, as everyone started to rush on stage. She took a few deep breaths and joined them.
As she saw Joe rise to the stage her heart started to pound. He wasn't wearing his usual leather pants that she loved so much. He was wearing black, loose pants and a black vest with gold ornaments on it, with nothing underneath. It caught her off guard and she wondered if it was influenced by Sophie.
When he turned around they locked eyes and he eyed her. He pouted his lips and nodded in an approval gesture. Ann chuckled at his reaction and looked away. Is he just going to act like nothing happened? He probably had no idea she heard him and saw them, but either way, acting flirty towards her right now was a dick move.
She tried to avoid him for the rest of the concert, dodging every eye contact he was indicating. She noticed Sophie dancing and singing in the VIP section with Priyanka. She saw how talkative Pri was with Sophie, whereas with her she exchanged one sentence. Then she saw Danielle hugging her from behind. They all missed her and Ann instantly felt like an intruder. She fitted with their family so well. She fitted with him so well.
Then they started to play ‚Hesitate'. Even though she knew it was about Sophie, he always looked at Ann while singing it. But this time it was different. This time he didn't look at her at all. His focus was on her as she swayed to the rhythm and sang along.
When the song was coming to an end, she saw him wipe a tear from his cheek. She couldn't believe her eyes. He definitely still had strong feelings towards her and he wasn't even hiding it.
She felt sick to her stomach again and she looked pale at Mark, before rushing off the stage and throwing up again. She didn't even make it to the bathroom. The staff rushed to her and helped her to a chair as others cleaned her mess.
„I'll take care of it, please." She said weakly.
„Sit down and take a breath." One of the staff members said.
„Are you okay? Are you able to continue?" A woman crouched in front of her.
„I don't think so. I don't feel very well." She said, feeling another wave of vomit coming.
„Okay, we'll handle this. Don't worry about it. You have to take some rest. You've been on the road for a long time, it's probably from the tiredness and stress." Said the woman with a warm smile, before rushing to the rest of the staff.
It was that too, probably. But mostly, she just couldn't look at how the love of her life was slipping out of her fingers. And she didn't have any power in her to stop it.
Some other lady brought her a mint tea, which she was really grateful for and she decided to lay down on the couch in her dressing room with a blanket.
As she laid down and got lost in her thoughts, she let a few teardrops leave her eyes. She was tired of crying. Tired of thinking. Tired of all of this. All she wanted in that moment was a hug from her mom.
She heard the concert coming to an end and it wasn't long before Jinjoo rushed in her room.
„Are you okay?" She ran up to her and crouched in front of her.
„Better." She gave her a weak smile, while sitting up. „Did you manage without me?"
„It was hard, but we did. Everyone is concerned about you."
„Right. Everyone." She chuckled.
„Yeah, believe me or not, him too. He was so lost, messing up all the words to the songs."
„That's nothing new." She rolled her eyes making Jin laugh.
They both turned their heads to the door, when someone stormed in almost knocking them down. Her heart stopped at the sight of who it was.
„Oh, no no no." Jinjoo stood up and tried to push Joe out of the room. He looked over at Ann with a concerned look.
„It's okay, Jin." She nodded at her. „Just make sure no one comes in."
„Are you sure?" She frowned.
„Yeah." She smiled weakly at her. Jin turned to look at Joe with a dead stare.
„I'll be right outside if you'll need me to kick some ass." She said to Ann, not looking away from Joe.
„Thank you." She chuckled.
She left the room and Joe quickly ran up to her, crouching down just like Jin did before.
„Are you okay?" He said with worried eyes.
„I will be." She sighed and fixed herself on the couch.
„What's going on?" He said, trying to take her hand, but she pushed it away. „Baby..."
„Don't call me that." She closed her eyes, pushing away the tears.
„Did I do something wrong?"
„You did everything wrong, Joe." She chuckled, a single teardrop falling out of her eye.
„I don't understand." He shook his head.
„Do you love her?" She sniffed and looked up at him.
His eyes immediately lost the eye contact and he searched around the room for an answer.
„Is this what this is about?"
„Yeah. I guess everything's about her."
„Okay, if you want to know what we talked about, she said she forgives me. And is willing to give me a second chance. But I immediately said that it's not going to happen. That I have someone in my life and I'm moving on." He tried to take her hand again, but she pushed it away once more.
„You didn't answer my question." She looked at him with now wet eyes. „Do you still love her?"
He sighed and looked down at his feet. Ann just shook her head with a chuckle.
„I heard your conversation with Kevin and Nick. So don't even try to come up with a lie now. I know that you'll never love anyone as much as you love her. And that you didn't move on. I heard it loud and clear."
„Ann, I-"
„I've seen how you've changed ever since you got a text from her." She stopped him. „You guys are meant to be with each other. And I'm not going to be a rock, standing between you two."
„Ann, you're the one that I want." He shook his head in disbelief and Ann looked up at him, seeing a tear falling down his face as well.
„No, I'm not." She gave him a weak smile and brushed the tear from his face. „Joe, look at us. Our relationship is strictly physical. We're stuck in this perfect bubble, pretending everything's okay. I love you, but this situationship is destructive for the both of us."
„You love me?" His eyes softened at these words. „Why didn't you say that sooner?"
„What would it change, Joe?" She sighed. „I can't hold your hand in public, I can't tell about you to anyone, I have to call you my ‚big brother'... What would admitting love change?"
„We could have make this work somehow."
„Joe, we can't!" She said louder, her frustration rising.
„I love you too." He said quietly and Ann eyed his face.
„I know. I wasn't sleeping on the plane. The whole time I waited for you to say it again to me."
„Then I'm saying it again. I love you."
„Joe..." She chuckled. „It's too late."
„It's never too late!"
„Joe, I'm done. Please, respect my decision." She closed her eyes, tears now streaming down her face. „I've been thinking about it for a while now, but this day only showed me that I'm making the right decision. You're lost, Joe. I can't be with you, if you love another woman. And I'll never be her."
„You're much better than her!" He sat next to her, cupping her hands.
„Joe, I can't handle more lies." She tried to take her hands away again, but he gripped them harder.
„I never lied to you." He said softly. „I would never hurt you. I got a little lost today, I admit. Seeing her brought a lot of memories to me and my mind was spinning hundred miles an hour. But my heart keeps bringing me back to you."
„I wish it was true." She chuckled, looking down at their hands. „Joe, this was the best two months of my life. And I'm thankful for that. I know you're a good person. And I know in another universe, we would be the power couple. But in this universe, I'm not the one for you." She wiped her tears and got up from the couch.
„Ann, the tour won't last forever. We can take it slow and everything will be easier once we're done touring." He got up as well.
She sighed and pulled him into a hug. He hid his face into her shoulder, leaving wet marks on her skin.
„I wish you all the best. Truly. I hope we can at least stay friends. And I want you to try again with Sophie. You're really meant for each other." She pulled back and looked him in his sad, lost eyes. She smiled and kissed his cheek, before leaving the room.
She let out a heavy breath, that she didn't know she was holding. Jinjoo was indeed still standing outside. She quickly got up to her and hugged her.
„Wanna talk about it or?" She said into her hair.
„It's over." She gave her a smile, trying to not break down again.
„Hey!" She heard a female voice next to her. She turned her head and almost fainted, seeing that it was Sophie. „Are you okay? I heard you got sick."
„She's better now." Jinjoo said for her, giving Sophie a fake smile. „If you're looking for Joe, he's right in there."
„Oh, thank you!" She gave her a wide smile. „Great show by the way, Jin! And it was nice meeting you, Ann!"
They waved at her and Ann let out a loud sigh. Why did she have to be so pretty and so kind? She wanted to hate her, but it was impossible.
She wanted to avoid talking with anyone else. All she wanted to do was get home as soon as possible. She had a flight booked for the next day, but she found one for tonight and decided to buy them instead. She wanted to get out of New York as soon as it was possible.
She got to the hotel, packed her bags and rushed to the airport. She slept for almost the entire flight, tired from all the events and the whole tour in general.
Jazz picked her up from the airport and she instantly cried into her arms. They drove home and Ann told her everything that had happened. Jazz wasn't in shock that they were together, but she was definitely shocked at the turn of events. Of course, she had to throw in a couple of ‚told ya so'.
The first week of break had passed and she spent all the time she could with Jazz. She was a great support, trying to get her mind out of everything. Her mom's flight was the next day and she would be there for a whole week. She was excited, already missing her like crazy.
Joe never wrote, never called. She was glad, but also a little disappointed. She wanted them to stay friends and he didn't even ask if she got home safely.
The only thing was, she felt very weird the whole week. She had constant nausea, she was tired and very moody. She felt as if a train ran over her. She told herself that it's because of the break up and the whole situation. But something inside her said that it was something else.
„Come on, I bought you something." Said Jazz, coming back from shopping.
She followed her to the bathroom and Jazz threw three pregnancy tests on the countertop. She looked down at them and at Jazz.
„What are these?" She frowned.
„You damn well know what these are." She raised an eyebrow at her.
„Yeah, I know. But why would you buy them? Jazz, I can't be pregnant, I'm on birth control." She chuckled.
„You know they never protect you 100%." Ann sighed and looked down at the tests. „All the symptoms match and with the amount of sex you've had, I'm pretty sure it's possible."
„Now I'm scared." Ann looked up at her and laughed.
„Just do them. So I can sleep peacefully." Jazz put a hand on Ann's shoulder before leaving the bathroom.
Her heart was racing as she took one of the tests in her hands. She knew it was not pregnancy. But what if it turned out to be? A freaking baby. Not that she never wanted one, she just... Always imagined it a different way. A happy, married couple, starting a family after a few years of enjoying life together. Now there is a possibility she's pregnant with her ex, whose in love with his ex. She shook her head and pushed the thoughts away.
She took all three tests and came back to the living room to Jazz. She sat next to her in silence.
„It's going to be okay." She rubbed her back, trying to calm her down.
As the three minutes passed, she felt her hands getting sweaty and shaky. She thought she could faint any minute and the nausea came back as well.
„Go check." Said Jazz quietly.
Ann sighed and got up from the couch to the bathroom, followed by Jazz. She got into the bathroom, in front of the tests, but was to afraid to look at them.
„Can you check them for me?" She said with a shaking voice.
„You sure?" Ann just nodded in response.
She walked up to her and took each test in her hand. She was silent the whole time and Ann had her eyes plastered into herself in the mirror. She was breathing hard, the anxiety kicking harder every second passed.
„And?" She said impatiently. Jazz put the last test down and sighed.
„Pregnant."