Warnings: mention of mental breakdown, depression, mental illness, etc.
A few more days passed by since Namjoon's and Yoongi's last heated argument. With the mist that cleared and the spring that was about to reach the door, things had been going smoothly since, which was surprising.
But maybe as Taehyung had said, the good times that'd passed by since the last fight were just pretended, everyone hiding their true broken selves and only showing their strong side.
Yoongi and Namjoon spoke since that day as if nothing had happened and their friendship was still smooth and just like it'd always been- a love-hate relationship. Even when they smiled and teased one another, guilt ran in both of their minds recalling all the harsh words they'd exchanged with one another.
They really wanted to apologize and make up with each other, but it was their ego that held them back. They never disclosed the truth about how hurt they were, and acted normal.
Namjoon managed to act strong and happy when he was with the others, but as soon as he was alone, he couldn't hold it any longer.
During the day, he'd take his medicines obediently and put his bottle on top of the fridge since Yoongi and the other boys still didn't completely trust him with them and wanted to keep the bottle in front of everyone's eyes. He'd pretend that he was slowly forgetting Jin and smiling at everyone, talking non-stop and even laughing, though inside, his heart ached most of the time with pain and remorse.
At night, he'd spill his tears onto his pillow and clamp his hand over his mouth so that nobody could hear his painful sobs, and he always cried himself to sleep every night thinking about Jin and missing him like he'd never done before, the sweet memories that they'd had all the years they spent together when he was alive haunting Namjoon all the time.
He couldn't forget his moon even for a single moment.
Namjoon started losing weight and sleep, and the healthy image he could maintain while staying at the psychiatric center was slowly fading away, revealing the true image behind his immaculate mask. The dark circles under his eyes had become permanent and his cheeks grew sunken, but despite everything, he masked everything with a smile. He wanted everyone to see he was okay and not the ugly truth of his sorrow.
He tried to forget Jin everyday, actually putting a great effort. Forget him and just cherish him as a beautiful memory of the past. He tried to push him off his mind thinking he didn't really deserve him, and that was the reason Jin went away.
Still, every night, Namjoon found himself shedding tears and soaking his pillow, whispering, "But I still want you..."
Namjoon kept the hurting truth to himself, putting on his 'I'm all right and happy' mask every day in front of everyone, removing it and putting it away only once he was alone at night. And every night, he'd asleep with tear tracks on his face, clutching in one hand the locket he'd gifted Jin on their first Christmas together, the other hand clasped around the moon pendant, the first gift he'd ever given Jin, under the name RM.
The only time he really was happy was the time he found out, with the youngest two, about how Hoseok had started dating Yoongi and Jimin. None of them found out until one morning, when Hoseok kissed both Yoongi and Jimin on the lips as he got ready to leave for work.
Apparently, the polygamous couple had truly forgot to announce their relationship to the other boys, so they gave them quite a shock. However, when they'd recovered from it, they'd gone forward to congratulate them with pure joy and affection.
Namjoon and Yoongi had actually hugged one another and laughed genuinely as the younger teased the other, as if they'd not gotten engaged in a terrible fight just a few days ago. And this hurt both of them deep inside, because they were still too proud to own up and apologize.
They just pretended that that argument never really happened, and for the sake of the short time of happiness and peace, the other men played along with them as well. Even though they all seemed to be hiding their true unhappiness behind a mask the whole time. They didn't want to risk ruining their friendship to anymore quarrels where they always ended up saying something they regretted.
Nobody wanted to acknowledge the truth that they all seemed to have drifted far from one another, awkwardness and frustration filling all the space between them, and tried hard to come up with anything that might fix things. Maybe some day, if they could ever recover from this out-of-order life that Jin had left them in, they might finally talk about how far they'd come.
"Hyung, you've not been out of the house for days!" Jungkook said that evening as he plopped down beside Namjoon, wrapping his arms around him with his head on his shoulder, pouting. "Why don't we go somewhere tomorrow?"
"That sounds fine," Namjoon said with a smile, forcing Jin out of his mind for a moment as he affectionately ruffled Jungkook's hair, playing with his bangs. "Where do you wanna go?"
"Let's go to... all of our favorite places?" Jungkook suggested, looking up at him with a confused expression. "I'm not sure. But I miss hanging out with my favorite hyung!"
"Aww, that's favoritism!" Hoseok said in a whiny tone. "I literally brought you up, Jeon. And you never asked me to hang out for even one day!"
"Yeah, and what about me?" Yoongi said in an accusing tone, though he was smiling. "Am I not your favorite, Jungkook?"
"Everyone knows that I brought up this brat and had to deal with his shenanigans," Jimin cut in, folding his arms in a decided way. "I have the right to go with him first!"
"Yah, I'm his boyfriend so I have the right to go with him first!" Taehyung spoke up, possessively wrapping his arms around Jungkook from his other side.
Namjoon chuckled at everyone's bickering as Jungkook grinned, enjoying all the attention. But throughout the whole time, the older recalled how often they'd argued about who raised Jungkook or who was his most favorite hyung in the past... It would've been so much nicer if Jin was with them arguing right now like every other day...
"As Kookie wants to go on a date with me first, y'all have to wait in the line," he told the others in a smug tone, though inside, his heart was crumbling to dust some more.
"Hyung, how can you say something like that?" Jungkook giggled, both embarrassed and shy as Taehyung narrowed his eyes at Namjoon, who was snickering.
"I can't believe my very own brother is trying to steal my man!" The blonde man said in a dramatic tone, letting out an exaggerated gasp. "You betrayed me, hyung! How could you?!"
"Oh, man," Hoseok snorted as he watched the two Kim brothers bicker playfully, Jungkook simply enjoying how Namjoon teased Taehyung about not giving the maknae enough attention, leading him into confiding in him, while the younger Kim kept pulling his boyfriend closer and closer to himself, away from his 'traitorous' brother.
"I can't believe they're grown men," Yoongi smirked as he watched the squabbling from his place, his head on Hoseok's shoulder. "They still fight like toddlers wanting the same plushie."
"You, Hobi hyung and I aren't any better, remember that, Yoonie," Jimin said with a smile, booping the addressed man's nose as he laid his own head on Hoseok's other shoulder.
"No, we aren't." Yoongi looked up and smiled at him, before lying back in his old place. "Jin hyung would've been so done if he saw us right now."
"He's probably pinching the bridge of his nose from his spot, wherever he is," Hoseok said with a chuckle, his eyes holding a deeply lost expression as he thought about their hyung. "He'd have been so confident, had he been here, and would just shut us up with the final declaration that he was the best."
"He would," Jimin laughed. "He's the best hyung after all. Nobody can compete with him."
"And I'm gonna burn whoever disagrees with this," Yoongi declared savagely.
Hoseok laughed fondly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I'll join you."
"Me too!" Jimin said, eagerly leaning forward with his lips puckered for a kiss. The older two cooed, and while Hoseok pecked his lips, Yoongi pressed another kiss on his cheek, making the youngest of the three giggle.
"I love you two so much," Hoseok whispered, pulling his boyfriends closer.
"I can't believe this," Taehyung yelled overdramatically. "My brother's backstabbing me and you three are being so lovey dovey? This room's full of betrayers." He wiped a fake tear.
"Poor Tae the Third Wheel," Jimin teased, squealing as he stood up, running away as Taehyung started chasing him around the living room.
"You were supposed to defend me, you traitor!" Taehyung howled. "I thought we were soulmates!"
Everyone laughed at the two, nobody getting up to help Jimin from Taehyung, who tackled him down to the ground and tickled him mercilessly as he screamed between laughter for rescue.
Namjoon smiled at the two and decided to make the best of this moment while it lasted. It felt so good to be able to laugh and smile again, but he knew that it wouldn't last for long.
None of the happiness and light in his life lasted for long without Jin, because mostly, Namjoon's beautiful angel was the source of both of them.
Now Jin wasn't with him anymore. He'd never really be contented to his heart.
Not until they reunited again.
°°°♡°°°
Words: 1640
What do you guys think will happen in the end? 👀