Sebastian shuffled uncomfortably on his beanbag chair before speaking. "So, I guess it's probably easiest to explain myself if I go back to when I first moved here. You remember that, right?" he asked as he looked over at me with a faint smile.
"Yeah of course, it was the first day of first grade and our teacher said you'd just moved from Brazil," I said with a smile, as the memory sprang to mind.
Sebastian's smile slipped slightly from his face. "Yeah, well that day was pretty rough for me because I didn't speak a word of English, and I was so terrified and confused. And when I was practically near tears and all alone on the playground, you sprang up to me with your warm smile and your three cute little wonky braids," he said, as a smile broke through his lips.
"God, I hated my mum for giving me that hairstyle," I muttered with a shake of my head and an amused smile.
Sebastian let out a light laugh along with me. "Well, I thought it was cute. But anyway, you just started boldly talking to me in English and I hadn't a clue what you were saying. So, naturally, it didn't take you long to figure out I didn't understand a word that you were saying. And instead of leaving me alone like the other kids did, you just took my hand and led me over to the playset with you," he laughed. "I still didn't understand what you were saying, but I didn't even mind because I was so happy you included me," he said, smiling away at the memory.
It was weird to hear Sebastian talk about memories that I'd long buried, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wipe a smile from my face.
"I'm surprised you didn't get sick of me blabbing on," I muttered with a snort as I hugged my knees tighter toward me where I sat.
Sebastian looked me up and down with teasing eyes. "Maybe I should have, but I didn't," he joked, with softened eyes. "As corny as it sounds, that day actually really made me like you."
Something warm rippled through my heart at his words.
"And if you remember as the weeks went on you tried to teach me English and I tried to teach you Portuguese," he continued on.
I immediately let out a snort at that. "Yeah, I remember that. It always annoyed me how quickly you seemed to pick up English compared to me even with my bad teaching. You were saying fully comprehendible sentences by like week two, and I could barely tell you my name in Portuguese," I laughed with a shake of my head.
"Well in your defence, you weren't in Brazil and besides my dad was helping me with English at home," he chuckled.
My mouth dropped open at his confession. "Your cheater!" I accused.
Sebastian's lips spread into a grin. "Well, you never asked," he shrugged. "And besides on reflection, two people who don't speak the other language trying to teach each other, might not have been the best idea," he said with a laugh.
"Anyway," he said, as he cleared his throat. "Well as the years went on, you know we obviously got to become really close friends. And by the time we were about ten or eleven, I started to look at you differently...," he trailed off with a thick swallow.
"Like looking at me differently in a what kind of way. Like a 'wow, I didn't realize I was hanging out with a crazy bitch kind of way.' or...," I asked with a nervous laugh.
I was presenting my words as a joke, but I was half serious. He had cut me off without an explanation so this very well could be a long-winded story of how he just got sick of my annoying ass.
"No," he laughed. "But I understand the assumption, of course," he joked as he threw me a pointed look.
"Hey," I yelled as I lightly whacked his shoulder.
"But no, I wasn't looking at you differently in that way. I was looking at you differently because you know...," his words trailed off and his cheeks burned slightly red. He was trying to keep that calm confidence in his eyes burning onward, but it wasn't working. He looked embarrassed.
"No, I don't know Sebastian, that's kind of why I asked," I said flatly.
He let out a frustrated groan and adjusted himself in annoyance on his beanbag chair. "Come on, don't make me say it, you know what I mean.,"
"No, I really don't," I laughed.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Think about it, Phoebe. You were a girl, who I really liked hanging out with, and I was 11, and due to start puberty. And you've always been good-looking. Can't you fill in the gap of the kind of way I started to look at you?"
My mind was blank for a second or so more before my eyes widened in realization. "You used to like me!" I stammered out in shock.
"Yes," Sebastian mumbled as he awkwardly avoided my eyes. "Like a lot. Like an embarrassing lot," he muttered in a bitter laugh.
Still so shocked, I could barely think what to say, so mind-blown by this new information.
"Oh, so is that why you didn't want to be my friend anymore?" I asked slowly.
"No, definitely not," Sebastian said, as he shook his head. "I would never get mad at you for not liking me back. That's not your fault."
I was tempted to tell him, there was a good chance I'd have liked him back if he'd just opened his mouth and told me, but not wanting him to think I had a thing for him in the present day, I kept my mouth shut. He'd have a field day teasing me if he thought I liked him now.
"Then why did you get mad at me?" I finally asked cautiously.
He let out a heavy sigh, and let his eyes fall to the ground. "Well, by the time we got to thirteen, my feelings were at their worst. So...on Valentine's Day, I decided to write you a little anonymous card because I knew you kind of liked that stuff. It was so stupid, but I just wanted you to know how I felt, and I wasn't expecting anything to come out of it," he rambled. "And so, I slid it through the hole in your locker then came back to watch when I knew you'd arrived at school."
My heart stopped a little, as I started to slowly connect back the pieces of the past, and realize what had happened.
"You couldn't see me, of course, but when you opened your locker, you were with some of your other friends from school. Some popular guy I never talked to and a girl. And when you found the letter, they took it off you laughing and I remember you started smiling as well. And erm..," he swallowed thickly. "Then you opened it, and started to read it before smiling and saying you thought 'some desperate weirdo must be obsessed with you.' And you kept going and going with more cruel words, and I just watched you like an idiot the whole time," he muttered with a slightly bitter laugh.
"And because it was coming from you; the person I used to think was the kindest person in the world, it really, really fucking hurt. So yeah, that's what got me to be mad at you," he mumbled as he lifted his gaze to fully meet back my eye.
Groaning, I closed my eyes and ran an embarrassed hand over my face. "God, Sebastian, I'm so sorry, I had no idea that letter was from you," I groaned as the weight of what I'd done finally hit me. "I shouldn't have said that about anyone. I was just so dumb, and I was trying to be cool. And, god, I was such a fucking idiot. No wonder you hate me," I mumbled.
Sebastian's eyes softened and he gently rolled his eyes. "Hey, you don't have to beat yourself up for something you did years ago. And besides, saying it aloud for the first time, I overreacted."
"Overreacted?" I laughed. "If I'd written you a cute Valentine's card and you made fun of me in the same way I had, I would have probably lit your bed on fire."
Sebastian cracked a small smile. "Okay remind, me not to cross you then."
"I'm glad you know," I nodded with a smile. It soon slipped from my face as I was brought back to the memory of what he'd just told me. The whole reason why we hadn't been friends for all these years tied back to that one small moment where I'd unknowingly stomped over his heart.
"Okay, I know I was an idiot and I'm sorry, but is there any chance you'd take your stupid friend back again? Because I'm kind of sick of not being your friend," I admitted with a small smile.
Sebastian paused before a small smile slid to his face. "Since you're so desperate, I guess, maybe I can make a small allowance," he said, his smile broadening.
"Hey, shut up," I laughed as I reached across to where he sat to lightly whack his shoulder once more.
"You sure you're not too cool now to be my friend? Since you're this popular cheerleader now," he teased with a lift of his brow.
"Too cool?" I repeated with a smile. "I'm not the one who got fifty fucking valentine's day cards the other day. You sure you're not too cool for me?"
"Probably, now that you mention it," he nodded with a smirk.
"Asshole," I laughed.
Sobering up slightly from my laughter, another risky question sprung to mind that I knew I had to put out into the open. "So..erm...just so we're clear, you don't still have a thing for me now, right?" I asked cautiously. My heart raced insanely fast from the question.
Sebastian's gaze was intense, and he stared at me for a few painful seconds or so with a completely unreadable expression. Finally, he wrinkled his nose. "Oh, no, of course not. I got over that years ago. We're good Brooks."
The ease he spoke his words, rather weirdly, felt like a stab to the gut. Not just a simple one, but a painful stab, that felt like it was twisting into me over and over again.
"Well, there's no need to look so disgusted by the idea," I mumbled to my defense as I playfully glared at him.
"Why not? Do you want me to still like you or something?" he probed, his eyes sweeping over me in a way that made me hot.
"No, of course not, no," I stated quickly, perhaps suspiciously quickly.
His lips lifted into a smile. "Good, then I guess we're finally on the same page."
"Indeed," I nodded, hating how tightly the words seemed to leave my mouth.
I had no idea what was up with me lately, it's like my emotions made no sense at all. It's like I didn't understand myself anymore.
Sebastian cleared his throat. "Okay, and since I've now finished confessing my whole embarrassing past, how about we go get some lunch," he suggested with a lift of his lips.
"Yeah sure," I mumbled with a smile.
Then as the two of us climbed to our feet and started making our way to the treehouse ladder while chatting and laughing, my mind couldn't seem to erase the weird feelings that were turning all inside me.
It was certain– there was something definitely not right with me.
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Next Update: Thursday