Word Count: 1694
Requested by crzhll I hope I got this right and you enjoy because I didn't fully understand your request. If you want a redo, though, just say the word, and I will do that for you! Thank you, and I hope you enjoy! <3
Hakim Zieych
💙 Chelsea F.C. 🤍
𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫?
"What do you want to dooooo?" Hakim asks you (or at least you assume he's talking to you, and not to just thin air), slouching down lower on his back on the couch.
You sigh, shrugging your shoulders. "I don't know, Hakim! You know if you're bored, you don't have to be here, right?"
He looks over at you, and sits up straight again, gently putting his hand on your arm. At this, for some reason, you feel goosebumps appear on your arms as the hair on them rises. "I'm not going because I want to be with you, duh. I mean, unless you want me to go, but you don't... right?"
As you meet his puppy dog brown eyes, you realise that no matter how annoying his complaining might be, of course you don't want him to go. He's been grating on your nerves, walking around your house, literally all morning, and yet you can't be so mad at him as to want him to go. You're just mad enough to be mildly annoyed at him. You shrug, saying, "I don't know. It's really what you want to do, Hakim."
He shrugs, sitting closer to you. There is a different look in his eyes. An unfamiliar one, that makes you feel slightly nervous for some reason, although you don't know why. He strokes your cheek, and your jaw tightens as you look him in the eyes. "How long have we been doing this?"
You blink, confused. "Doing what? Hakim, what are you talking about?"
"I don't know," he shrugs. "Doing this whole dating-but-not-really-dating thing? Never actually saying we're dating, and never actually saying 'I love you', yet snuggling sometimes as we watch a movie? Sometimes we're just friends hanging out, and other times, I'm kissing you. Sometimes you're the sweet girl who all the Chelsea guys like and sometimes you seem like my sweet girlfriend who I only love. Sometimes you say I'm so charming, and other times you're annoyed with me. Sometimes we don't talk and you seem to give me the cold shoulder, and sometimes we make out. All I'm saying is, can we just make a choice? I can't stand this anymore. And preferably, the choice would be to be together, but I just need to know, Y/n..."
You swallow, feeling nervousness fill you. He's so close to you right now. His face is inches away, and he's looking at you so sincere. How did he get this close without saying anything. You don't know. You didn't know how you were going to keep going on like this, but you've been doing it for too long. Sometimes you love him so deeply, and really, really do want to spend forever with him, but other times being in a commitment so big with someone who might change and might fail you scares you, so you try to keep your distance. But you always end up going back to him. But right now, you're feeling right in the middle, and it's an awful feeling. You don't know. So you clear your throat and state simply, your voice sounding fragile and soft in your own skull, "Hakim... I don't know..."
"But I have to know..." is all he says.
And you sigh, looking at your clenched folded hands down in your lap. All your muscles are tense, and you just sit there quietly, before Hakim suddenly mutters, breathing on your ear, "I could help you know. Maybe we have to do a little bit more to figure it out..."
You swallow, turning to meet his dreamy eyes. Your whole face goes warm, and you mutter back nervously, "H- Hakim, what are you suggesting?"
His hand slips onto your inner thigh, and he says, "Come on, you've done it before, right? I thought you were the lonely drunk girl I found in the bar one night that needed help. I thought I was the one that helped you. I'm sure you've done it. I'm sure you slept around a lot before me. I want to sleep with you, Y/n. In bed, you would be-"
Suddenly you slap his hand off you thigh and stand up, staring at him. Without thinking about it first, angry, yelling words come out of your mouth, "What the hell are you saying?! You're saying I'm a slut?! You think that's what I was?! You idiot! No, Hakim, I've never slept with anyone! My problem was that I was depressed, and I drank too much! Not that I slept around! You helped me to be happy, and to stop drinking so much! Not to stop sleeping around! I'm a virgin, and I don't want you to change that! You must be a huge idiot to think that sleeping with you will help me decide whether I want to really date you or not! Now get out of my house! Right now! Right now!" The last two words you scream, feeling tears flood your eyes as you point at the door. He, right away, turns and goes right out the door, shutting it gently behind him, without looking back just once. In anger, you open the door again and slam it behind him, before locking it and flopping on the couch try and fail to untangle your twisted thoughts and drown in your tears as you cry your eyes out.
★★★
You take another sip of your strong alcoholic drink, feeling a tear slip down your cheek. No, you think as you take a big sip, I can't get drunk.
But getting drunk is the only thing that will make this pain end.
But really, wasn't Hakim the only thing that made the pain end? But you can't go back to him. It was right to create this distance, right? To separate from him... right? He pressured you to have sex with him. That's just not right.
But he was the only thing that made you happy, and he helped you so much out of a hard place that you seem to be sinking back into.
I just need to drink more, because then my thoughts will be quieted. Right?
But then I'll just be sober again later and it will flood back.
And then I'll get drunk again, and I'll forget again. And then I'll become addicted, like before, and it will all start again and I'll never be able to-
Another tear slips down your cheek as you take another sip.
And you tense up when you hear his voice.
Behind you.
You're probably just imagining it, right?
The gentle, concerned... loving...? way that that voice says softly, "Y/n... is that you?" You swallow back another tear, refusing to turn around to look. You're frozen. You cannot turn around to look. You don't know if you're scared to see him be there and that's why you won't look, or if you don't want to look because you'd be disappointed if he wasn't there.
And suddenly he's there, plopping down on the couch next to you. He meets your eyes, and breathes, "Y/n... Please... can I have that glass?"
You narrow your eyes. "Why? Why are you here?" It's been a month since that day, and once again, you have a mixed up awful feeling within you that you cannot explain.
But he pleads with his eyes. "Why are you here? Please don't drink. Please... please, Y/n. It will only hurt you... Please give me the glass..."
"You only hurt me!" you snap.
He suddenly snatches the drink from your hand and sets it aside, away from you. The only way to get your drink back would be to get through him. You cross your arms, but your voice cracks as you say, "Why are you here?" Against your will, a third tear slips down your cheek.
"Oh, Y/n, no..." he mutters, his brows knitting together. "Don't cry; no, please don't cry..." He uses his thumb to wipe the tear away, which makes you flinch, before asking gently, "How drunk are you?"
You glare, although tears are on the edge of your eyes. "Not much. I'm in my perfectly right mind."
"Are you... sure...? Because I want to talk to you."
"Yes, Hakim, I'm sure!" you snap. "So, what, were you looking for me?!"
"No," he sighs. "I actually wasn't. I went along with some teammates. Mason, Reece, and Christian. But then I saw you. I left those guys... Because... I've been longing to just have some words with you, please, Y/n, if you'll let me."
"Hakim, I don't want to be hurt."
"I know, and I don't want to hurt you. I just want to talk to you. Please?"
You swallow, glancing down. "Yeah... Sure, Hakim, I guess," you respond despite yourself. Because there is a hope in you. A hope that this will be fixed. But another part of you is just curious, and that's why. And the other part of you wishes he would just go away, because you don't want to try it again with him.
He suddenly very gently takes you hand in his and meets your eyes. And then he speaks, "Y/n, I'm so sorry. I was stupid. But I love you. I want to really date you. I really love you. A lot. I want us to work out. I'm so sorry. I won't do it again. I will never do anything without asking. I just want to be with you. I've been miserable without you. And seeing that you're turning back to drinking rips my heart in half. Please don't... I want most of all for you to be happy. And I think we can be happy together. Y/n, do you think we could get together, please? Really dating? Y/n?"
You stare into his deep dark brown eyes, hesitate, exhale deeply, and speak your answer.
You get to choose how you respond. Do you accept and give it a shot? Or set up the boundary and say no? You choose <3