Its been 168 hours, 11,340 minutes, 680,400 seconds since my world changed. I'm still in the crummy motel off the highway in Rhode Isle. I miss Joe in ways I didn't even know was possible. The first five days he showed up everyday and just sat and knocked at the door begging me to open up but I just couldn't. I just shut myself off to the outside world I know it. I only left to get food and whatever the baby needed. Over the last two days Stryker started saying "DaDa" and it gutted me because he was supposed to have his daddy here. Not stuck in a motel room with a mother who is literally dead inside. Once Stryker goes to bed for the night all I do is cry.
It was Saturday morning when the was a ever so soft tap on the door, I knew it wasn't Joey by the knock, but I don't even know who it could possibly be. I slid from the chair and pulled the door open never expecting to see who I saw.
"Ryder Lynn...."
"mama Kay, Pops how are you here, what are you doing here?"
"Child how do you think we are here, Joesph and what do you think we are doing here?"
"Ryder sweetheart can Kay and myself come in and talk."
I wasn't going to say no, so I just nodded and stepped to the side as the walked in. Kay didn't say anything for a moment just walked over and picked up the baby from the pack and play holding him close kissing his cheek over and over again.
"What you guys doing here?"
"Joesph told us where you were. He has been staying home with us, since he can't seem to function anymore."
"He will be fine, I have to learn how to do it."
"Ryder Lynn, I don't know how you can think he do what you think he did."
"Listen Mama Kay, I didn't want to even think he was capable of it, till I walked in and seen it. I love him, Im not even going to sit here and try to convince you I don't. But I also can't sit here and act like I didn't walk in to him drunk with a girl in his lap. I died in that very moment and every moment since."
"Ryder sweetheart listen to me, thats my son but I also wouldn't cover for him if he did cheat, I never cheated on Kay in all these years and I taught both boys the same thing. I promise you he didn't cheat on you, I. know what you walked into looked bad but it wasn't as bad as you think. Listen Tommy was there with him, I can call him right now and he will tell you nothing happened."
"Listen, he is home at our house just a mess. Ryder he hasn't eaten, sleep and he has missed two interviews and photoshoot. If something doesn't change he is going to end up in the hospital."
I gasped and my heart bottomed out. I can't even stand the thought of him in that condition. At the same point all those demons I have fought my entire life because of my mother won't let me give in.
"Im sorry he is this way, but there is nothing I can do."
"Ryder Lynn that is a cop out, I know you don't want this. How could you even think he do that after all these years and everything you been through together. This isn't just one of these random little boys you brought around through the years that never amounted to a hill of beans. This is Joey, you two have had this intense bond since you were five years old. You can't tell me deep down in your heart you believe he do this. I'm not going to bat because he is my son Ryder, if he did it and was wrong I wouldn't even try to talk some sense into you, Id say that is what he gets, but instead of at the very least having an actual discussion with him, you ran and refuse to deal with it. You have to deal with it Ryder, you two have a baby together and at the end of the day he doesn't deserve to be alienated from the baby and its not fair to keep this baby away from him."
"Sweetheart, You know I love you like one of my girls but listen to me, how about you speak to Tommy he will tell you whatever you need to know trust me."
"I dont know...."
"Think about it..."
"I will."
"Listen let us take the baby home with us for the night, Thomas will drive him back tomorrow night. It will be good for Joesph to see him and good for the baby to be with Joesph."
Honestly it might be for the best for the both of us, Stryker needs time with Joe and I don't have much left of my nerves.
"I guess thats fine. I just need to get him a bag together...."
"Now you know better we have everything he needs at the house."
"Ok...."
"Katherine maybe we should think about headed back to the Plain, its a long drive with the baby."
"Maybe you're right Thomas. Ryder dear will you think about what we said?"
"I will."
It wasn't a matter of a couple minutes before they had gathered the baby and with a hug walked out the door. No sooner did I hear the latch click I fell to the bed and I feel my chest tighten... Im having an anxiety attack. My anxiety is telling me just ignore what his agents said and my heart says call or text Tommy and see what he says. The back and forth is causing me even more inner turmoil than I already had. I battled the idea back and forth for the next couple hours. At some point the thought occurred to me, The baby is gone the night maybe if I just shoot up the block to the liquor store and pick up a little something I can take the edge off of what I am feeling. I jumped from the bed grabbing my purse. I drove down the block to Uncorked Liquor. I wandered around the store aimlessly trying to decide what would take the edge off. That's when my eyes fell upon it Casamigos, suddenly the memory of Joey and my strip dart night ran through my head. I knew that would make me forget everything after a few drinks. I grabbed the biggest bottle they had and cashed out. I headed back and the first thing I did when I walked back into the room is pour a drink. Im going to text Tommy and I just have to have one to settle the nervousness. I through back the drink and grabbed the phone I just bought the other day and texted Tommy, I need some answers.
Ryder: Hey Tommy, its me Ryder
Tommy: Ryder...what the hell is going on with you?
Ryder: What do you mean?
Tommy: Joe is crushed and you ran with the baby
Ryder: You would only know his side of it
Tommy: Than tell me yours....
Ryder: I caught him drunk with a girl in his lap at that club opening, can be anymore clear than that.
Tommy: Thats what it looked like but he didn't do what you think he did, I was there Ry.
Ryder: Then tell me what exactly happened and don't lie to me, I need to know Tommy. I can't function.
Tommy: Im not going to lie and say he wasn't beyond drunk, because he was. It was a normal club opening he done half dozen or more of them by now. They preform some, yes shirts came off because when they show a little skin the woman interact and generally buy more drinks and the club makes more money. That all that was. Donnie was bringing more and more girls up to the VIP. Joe was sitting down, He was actually about to text you. That girl that was in his lap when you walked in tripped and fell and landed on him. I know it sounds like bullshit but its not.
Ryder: She looked way more cozy with him than she tripped and landed there.
Tommy: I know thats what it looks like but its not the case. Ry you won't even hear him out when everything he has said was the truth. You can't tell me in your heart you believe he would really cheat on you.
Ryder: I don't even know what to believe anymore. Everyone says Im wrong and nothing happened but that isn't what it looks like to me.
Tommy: You're being stubborn and not letting him get his side in. Cut him a fuckin break will you. At the very least call him and talk to him.
Ryder: I don't know Tommy
Tommy: You both need this and you owe it to all these years you two have been friends before you even became a couple.
Ryder: I'll think about it
Tommy: I'll take that, listen Im at work so I need to go, you can all me or text me anytime you need too you know that right Ry?
Ryder: Thanks, I'll talk to you later.
I tossed the phone to the bed. I continued to drink most of the afternoon as I tried to make a decision on what to do. It was somewhere around seven when the mix of alcohol and all the thoughts of Joey flew through my head and I grabbed my phone. It all came down to this, this one text.
Ryder: Joey, Its me Ryder. I need you please come to the motel.