Back at the dorm, without any outsiders present, Hongjoong spoke up.
«We should talk.»
«This is not your decision,» Seonghwa immediately said.
«I'm the leader, am I not?» Hongjoong said, turning to look at him. The others all kept quiet.
«You might be Ateez's leader, but this is about Maya.»
«Who is also a part of our family, so my point stands.»
«So, you're the leader of the family too then?»
Seonghwa heard it himself, he was out of line, but he was so hurt, mostly on Maya's behalf. He couldn't stop himself.
«Do you want the job? I'll give it to you. It's not as much fun as you'd think.»
«Seems like it's pretty fly. You just do whatever you want, and no one keeps you accountable when you fuck up.»
For a second they looked at each other with furious eyes. It looked like they were ready to hit one another. Then Hongjoong took a deep breath.
«Honestly, I have no idea what's going on. I'm sorry if that makes me an asshole. Please, someone, tell me what happened?»
Seonghwa sighed and looked at Maya who was partially hiding behind him. She nodded.
«Fine, we'll talk. With everyone.»
Hongjoong nodded. «Thank you.»
Five minutes later everyone was gathering in the living room, scattered out on the sofas and the floor. Wooyoung was sitting on San's lap, he had a worried look on his face, like he thought he had fucked up big time last night with how far he had taken things with Maya. They had never kissed like that before, and certainly not seen each other in that situation. Not like this, at least. Fuck, all boundaries were messed up now, he didn't know what was okay and what wasn't. He wasn't even sure what his own boundaries were anymore. He loved San. He wanted to spend his life with his Sannie. But he also wanted to be part of this family, and sharing intimacy with them like they had the night before... It had been... good, for lack of a better word. Not just physically gratifying, but also meaningful in more ways. He felt closer to them all, especially to Maya. But maybe that was wrong?
«It'll be okay,» San whispered in his ear, for him only to hear. «I love you.»
«I love you too, Sannie.»
Wooyoung turned and kissed him, and then just held on to his arms as San just held him on his lap.
Yunho had gravitated toward Mingi. He was supposed to be the strong one, but he needed Mingi right now. He sat in front of his chair, and thankfully Mingi understood. He put his hands on his shoulders, gently kneading them, just making Yunho feel grounded.
Yeo looked around the room and sat on the sofa, close to Hongjoong. He felt alone in the middle of the group. The others seemed so sure of what to do, who to sit with. They all had allies. Yeo had no one. His eyes quickly passed by Maya and Seonghwa, but he couldn't look for too long. Maya was looking sad. She was staring at her hands. Seonghwa had an arm behind her back. He looked very protective of her. Jongho sat next to them, but he too looked like he'd rather not be here.
«So,» Hongjoong said. «Seonghwa?»
Seonghwa had challenged his authority and he wasn't going to fight him for it right now. That was for another day.
Hwa wanted to make a snappy remark, like 'oh, so now I get to lead the conversation'? He didn't though, he knew it wouldn't make for a productive meeting.
«I want to start by apologizing to Maya for giving her the collar.»
He looked at Maya who looked utterly confused.
«Why?» Her voice was small and shaky.
«I'm sorry I gave it to you when the rest of us were so totally unaware of the responsibilities that came with it. I mean, I thought we were ready, but we were not.»
«I'm sorry,» Maya piped, tears brimming in her eyes.
«No, baby, listen to my words. I'm sorry. This is my fault, not yours. You did nothing wrong. In fact, you were amazing. You were a good sub, but we... we were not being good doms.»
Seonghwa looked around the room.
«I am not talking to Woo and San right now. This is not about you. But the others here... I'm so disappointed... No, I'm so angry with you! Fucking hell, I thought you knew how important...» He was getting worked up, and had to take a deep breath. «Maya gave herself to us. When we get that gift, we have to take care of her! We have to! Maya dropped pretty deep last night after sex... Yes, Yeo and Jongho helped me get her in the bath, but where were the rest of you?! And then the two of you disappeared too! Fuck! Maya couldn't be alone for a second. You should have been there to help! Maya deserved all of your help and attention, but no, you guys were all gone, probably having sex in other rooms. Well, fucking good for you.»
«Hey, that's not...»
«Shut up, Mingi! You guys were the first ones to leave. I know it was to have sex, don't even try to lie to me.»
«Yes, but there was no way Maya could have...»
«No, she couldn't have taken any more last night, that's true, and good for you that you recognized that. But you should have fucking kept it in your pants until you were sure she was well taken care of. Someone should have helped me dress her, blow-dried her hair, gotten her water and food...»
The room had gotten silent now.
«You're irresponsible. You're not worthy of the gift Maya gave you last night. So I'm taking the collar back.»
«What?» Maya looked heartbroken at him.
«It's for your sake, my love. I'm sorry, but as things are right now, this group does not deserve you in that position. So you won't be able to wear the collar for a while.»
«For how long?»
«I don't know.» He kissed her temple and pulled her closer. «I'm sorry.»
After an awkward silence, San finally said something.
«And I thought this was about us not being there for lunch. Or brunch. Or whatever.»
«No, that just makes you assholes,» Seonghwa said, fire burning in his eyes. «All of you. Not a single one of you thought it would be nice to make our princess breakfast the day after our anniversary? The day after we fucked her into submission? No, you went to work out when you woke up.» His animated hands would have been funny in a different situation. Now, no one even smiled.
«We didn't want to disturb you, we thought you might want some time to yourselves.» Yeosang heard it himself, his voice sounded pathetic.
«But why?! Maya and I aren't in a relationship alone. We're all in this together! Aren't that what this anniversary was all about?» Hwa's piercing eyes were making Yeo uncomfortable, but he couldn't look away, not now. «Is that why you and Jongho left us in the bathroom?»
Yeo nodded, and when Hwa turned to Jongho, he did too.
«Well, how nice,» Hwa said, pulling Maya closer. «You didn't see the way Maya stared toward the door after you left, and how she cried when she realized you left her. And when we came to the bedroom, and no one was there... Yeo, you said you would come sleep with us...»
«Where were you?» Maya said, cutting off Seonghwa.
Tears had started to fall from Yeosang's eyes now, but it was Jongho who just couldn't take it anymore. He dropped to the floor in front of Maya and buried his face against her lap.
«I'm sorry!» Jongho cried, his body shaking with emotion. «I'm so sorry! I'll do better, I promise. Please forgive me.»
Maya's tears were silent as she let her fingers run through his soft hair. He didn't look up at her before she put her hand under his chin.
«I love you,» she whispered, her smile still kinda sad.
«Do you forgive me?»
«Yes, I forgive you.»
«Thank you,» he sobbed, quickly kissing her before his arms engulfed her waist. He was still on the floor in front of her, just holding on to her, crying against her chest. He didn't like having anyone see him like this, but he felt Maya's love like a protective shield around him. «I love you, Maya.»
Hongjoong cleared his voice and looked at Maya.
«I'm sorry too,» he said, looking at how Maya caressed Jongho who was still holding on to her. «I shouldn't have gone to have sex when...»
«That is not the problem!» Seonghwa said. «Fuck! Do you still not get it?! Maya doesn't mind you having sex with the others. In fact, she probably thinks that's hot. But you can't leave her when she is in that state of mind. None of us can! Not until we know she is well taken care of, and doesn't need anything else from you.»
«You were there. We assumed you...»
«Don't fucking assume things!» Seonghwa growled. «She cried for probably like an hour, until she passed out exhausted. Just because you guys left her when she needed you. Now she'll probably say that's okay, that she's fine now, but she wasn't last night. She needed you, and you weren't there!»
«Then you should have come to get us!»
«No! Hell no! I couldn't leave her for even a second. I had to fucking use the bathroom while she was there, that's how much she needed me. You have no fucking idea, do you?! Yeah, you're not seeing the collar any time soon.»
After having taken a few breaths, Hongjoong looked at Maya again.
«I have to think about this, love, how I can do better, but I just need you to know that I really do love you. I love you so much that it really hurts to see you this sad. I want to do better so I can make you happy, not sad. I'll never be perfect, but I promise I'll do better than I have so far.»
Maya gave a quick smile, and though short, it was heartfelt. «I love you too.»
«Can we talk it out in a few days, when I've had time to process a little better?»
«Sure,» she nodded.
«Thank you.» Hongjoong leaned back in his seat, staring at his hand, at his ring. «If you guys regret taking the rings...»
«No!» Maya was the first one to speak up. «Please don't even speak those words, Joongie. Please.»
She reached out her hand towards him, and he scooted forward and took it. Their hands met in front of Seonghwa.
«It's been a rough day today, but yesterday... It was nice,» Hongjoong said. «And I meant what I said. You guys all mean the world to me. I love you all very much. Things are bound to be difficult at times, but... I didn't expect it to happen this soon.»
Someone dared chuckle, and there were several smiles seen around the room.
«We'll keep moving forward from here, right?» Joong said, looking first at Maya who nodded and then at the others. They all nodded, except for Seonghwa. «Hwa?»
«I'm going to need some time to forgive you guys.»
«That's okay,» Joong said. «Use as much time as you need. Others might need time to get their bearings too. Let's just all communicate openly about what we need, okay? Maya, how do you feel right now, about all of this?»
Maya took a deep breath and squeezed Joong's hand before letting go.
«I feel better right now than I did this morning, or after sex last night. I've never... dropped like that before. It was kind of scary, honestly. I just felt so dependent on you, like... I wouldn't even have been able to get myself to bed alone. I just knew I needed you guys. And even more than physically needing you, I needed your love and your... care.»
«It's called aftercare for a reason,» Seonghwa muttered.
Maya looked at him and smiled warmly. «And I got a lot from Seonghwa. You were really good to me last night, sweetheart. Like... amazing. The only problem was... I love eight people, so... I needed more. Not all of you, but... I needed more.»
Hearing her say it struck a chord in most of them. Yunho hid his face in his hands, and Mingi held him tightly, kissing his shoulder.
«It's okay, though,» she continued, and Seonghwa snorted.
«What did I tell you,» he scoffed.
«It is, babe. Because this is new territory for us. As I said, I've never dropped like this before. Yes, I've been needy and clingy, but this was something new to me. I guess it comes with being more invested in a relationship. I trusted you all, so my mind allowed this to happen.»
Woo sniffled. They didn't deserve her trust, it would seem.
«We're learning. Together. Things happen, but if we just stick together and deal with it, we'll be fine. I hold no grudge against any of you. Really. I'm thankful that Hwa removes the collar for a while, I'm not ready for that any time soon, but... I'm fine. We're fine.»
--
a/n
Woooooow chapter 40! I had no idea this story would get this long... And seems I'm not quite done yet. I have a few things up my sleeve yet... So stick around. Thank you for reading!