Warnings: Death, depression, mental instability, swearing, matured language, etc.
Nobody knew how three months had passed by. Three months since Jin left them on their own, in darkness and trying to grope their way out of it.
Since the day of Jin's death, the other six were utterly lost... they didn't know what to do, not know how they could ever get back to normal with old memories coming back to them all the time, but despite everything... life went on.
Nobody could stop it, though a lot of things happen throughout it...
The first month was hard. They didn't know how the days passed, as they went around doing what they did in the past, the emptiness of Jin's departure lingering behind the whole time.
The house they lived in together was especially empty, silent and lifeless despite it's six occupants. The rooms were dark, lacking the laughter and happiness that lingered in the air even a month ago, and they were in the same condition as the people who lived there, devoid of anything except unmentioned grief.
For the first couple of weeks, they continued to do their usual jobs or work or classes, because they knew that Jin wouldn't have wanted them to neglect their duties if he'd been there with them.
Taehyung and Jungkook, though the youngest, were more determined and more strong-willed than the others.
They did break down when they knew their dear hyung wasn't coming back, but they had each other. They held one another during the most vulnerable moments, when they were threatening to fall. Every time they were at the verge of breaking, they grit their teeth and held their chins up, trying their best to stay under control.
Their hyungs had always been there for them during the hardest time, stood in front of them to protect them from whoever wanted to harm them. And now when they were in a state of falling apart, they knew that it was time for them to return the favor. To stay strong like they'd been for them.
So they tried to stay out of the way and continue their college studies without complaints about getting too much work again, telling themselves that Jin was definitely watching over them and feeling proud of his dongsaengs for working so hard. It was their only comfort.
But they couldn't always hold onto their lives and the cruel reality.
They kept remembering what Jin used to do in the past, when both of them would sit in the living room, doing their huge amount of homework that they'd spread out on the coffee table...
"How are my babies doing?" Jin chirped, beaming down at the two younger males sitting on the carpet on the floor, doing their homework.
He was holding a tray of freshly baked chocolate cookies he just cooled, and the other two's mouths watered just by the very smell, and their hearts warmed at the sight of how beautiful and homey Jin looked with his colourful flowery apron tied to his slim figure and his fluffy white slippers.
His appearance and smile was enough to make them feel safe and protected. Like nothing could harm them while their hyung was with them. And nothing ever did.
But nevertheless, they hid this from Jin, feigning frustration and yelling together, "I'm not a baby!"
Jin chuckled, sitting down on the floor with them and placing the cookies on the coffee table.
"You will always be, in my eyes," he said fondly, reaching out to ruffle Jungkook's hair and pinching Taehyung's cheek. "You've worked hard enough, now you've got to have some snacks."
And he watched with complete adoration as the youngest two of the maknae line forgot their annoyance of being treated like kids, grinned at him and squealed a thank you before stuffing the cookies hungrily. Jin's cookies were always the best.
Jungkook tried to swallow a bit too quickly and ended up choking on the food. Jin sighed, smacking his back to help him as Taehyung snickered at his boyfriend.
"Slow down, you stupid bunny, the food isn't disappearing," he scolded the youngest, who grinned sheepishly and muttered a sorry, taking another cookie, this time listening to Jin.
"Kookie eating cookie... sounds weird, doesn't it?" Taehyung said out of nowhere, giggling, while Jin laughed, the noise similar to the one made by a windshield wiper.
All three of them were laughing at nothing in particular, when a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around Jin's shoulders from behind, making him shriek in shock, the sound making the other two flinch in alarm as they looked up.
"Namjoon!" Jin gasped in surprise, as the mentioned man pulled him onto his lap as he sat on the carpet with them.
"My Jinnie seems so happy," Namjoon chuckled, his voice pleasantly deep and rumbling, as he nuzzled his nose against his nape. "What's the reason, hmm?"
Jin giggled, shivering as he felt his boyfriend's hot breath against his skin, engulfed in his warm familiar embrace.
"You're home," he breathed, leaning back onto his chest as the latter trapped him in his arms. "You're early today."
"You don't sound too happy about it," Namjoon smirked. "I missed you anyway, baby."
"Of course not!" Jin looked around at him and pouted. "I missed you too, my big koala bear."
"Show me, then," Namjoon returned slyly, already leaning forward.
Jin grinned before closing his eyes and leaning in as well, holding onto Namjoon's large biceps for support as the other circled his around his hips. Their lips were millimetres apart when they were interrupted by the youngest two yelling in protest.
"Get a fucking room, you two!" Jungkook bellowed, his face clearly showing disgust.
"We're right here- hello?" Taehyung said indignantly, offended that his hyungs had forgotten his and Jungkook's presence so easily.
"Oopsies," Namjoon singsonged, earning an embarrassed giggle from Jin, whom he kissed on the cheek anyway, still hugging him.
"I'm dating someone and you two still manage to make me feel single," Jungkook scoffed.
"Totally," his boyfriend nodded in agreement, sighing in defeat.
"Boys," Jin began, blushing, not making any effort to get off Namjoon's lap. "You've got your whole life to be all lovey-dovey. Me and Joonie are getting old, so let us have our moment." His shy smile quickly became a smirk.
"You're only a few years older than us, so calm your tits, hyung," Jungkook shot back. "Damn, you and Joon hyung act like you've been sex-deprived for years."
"I totally agree," Namjoon said calmly, grinning before softly pecking Jin's lips. "Hey, is anyone else home?" He whispered to him, though everyone could hear him.
"Um, no, not yet," Jin answered, wiggling slightly as Namjoon kissed his exposed shoulder. "J-Joon, the kids are right here, you idiot."
"We should take this to the bedroom, then?" Namjoon smirked over at his dongsaengs, his main intention being to annoy them with the fact that Jin was his man, so he naturally had the right to have his company more than them.
"Aww, Namjoonie, you know we can't," Jin told him, his voice reprimanding but gentle.
"Why not?" Namjoon said, blinking at him innocently with puppy eyes. "It's been a while since we made-"
"La la la la la la, I can't hear you!" Taehyung interrupted his older brother with his yelling as he covered his ears with his hands, while Jungkook took the chance to eat the last cookie.
"Hyung," the maknae said, laying his dark doe eyes on Jin and jutting out his bottom lip. "You're gonna spend time with us now, right?" He asked hopefully, giving him puppy eyes.
And he knew that his trick had worked, because Jin melted and slid off Namjoon's lap, who scowled at Jungkook jealously, and leaned over to peck both Taehyung and Jungkook on the forehead, sitting back to smile sweetly at them.
"Obviously, I came to help you with the homework problems!" He said, looking around at Namjoon, who was sulking. "Joonie! You're gonna help too, right?"
Namjoon immediately stopped pouting, eagerly nodding his head. Anything to please his baby. He was smart, so that was a plus point, since he wouldn't miss a chance to impress his boyfriend.
"But, hyung," Taehyung began. "Your help is more than enough." He really didn't want his brother hogging all of Jin's attention because he felt that he might try to.
"Still..." Jin played with his shirt's sleeves shyly. "Joonie spends a lot of time working. He deserves to spend time with us when he gets the chance."
"Fine," Jungkook gave in. "But no public display of affection, please."
Jin nodded, blushing, and scooted closer over to the youngest two. "So where are the problems in your homework?"
As Taehyung and Jungkook went through their notes to gather all the confusions, Namjoon stood up to take off his jacket, tie and belt before throwing them aside on an armchair and sitting down next to his boyfriend, hugging him tightly again and pecking his puffy cheek, only to receive a slap on the face.
"What was that for?" He whined.
"It's time to help our maknaes do good in their classes," Jin said sternly. "You can have me later on."
"Have you?" Namjoon repeated, taking it the wrong way and wiggling his eyebrows.
"Yes," Jin said boldly, not wanting to deny it since he knew he'd be teased if he did, though he'd turned a bright shade of red. "Now shut up."
"If you say so," Namjoon shrugged, still smirking.
"You two done flirting?" Taehyung huffed.
"Yeah, yeah."
So the two college students showed their hyungs their extremely tough homework, who helped them to understand it with patience and care. There were a lot of affectionate gestures and inside jokes shared during the next few hours, each moment creating new memories...
Taehyung and Jungkook loved the moments... the small moments that seemed like a reward for their hard work, the sweat and tears they shedded...
They always waited for the time everyday, when their favorite hyung would bring them homemade snacks, appreciate them... make them feel special... they never thought it'd stop one day.
After they'd done solving all the problems, Namjoon scooped Jin up into his arms and standing up, he wished the younger two a goodnight and carried his boyfriend bridal style, looking so relaxed it was as if Jin weighted like a feather, upstairs to their room.
Jin didn't say anything though he did look at them from over Namjoon's shoulder while he'd an arm slung around his neck, and he waved at them with a sweet heart-warming smile.
And it was enough to make them happy.
Every single second of attention their older brother figure gave them was enough for them to be motivated.
Still now, they'd unconsciously wait for the moment Jin would appear with his chocolate cookies and words of praise that made them feel worth it, along with his dad jokes and the other things he did to cheer them up.
He used to come at the exact timing and sit with them, spend time with them and smother them with his spoiling and protective behavior... and now... Taehyung and Jungkook would often look up from their tasks, waiting with anticipation for their hyung to appear from the kitchen with his beautiful smile that made everyone who saw it feel happy... only to realize a moment later that- that this was never going to happen again.
The reality was cruel. Hope-shattering.
Jin was gone.
They sometimes wondered how someone like their hyung could be so selfish to leave them like this... without any warning or a sign... Reality was indeed cruel.
Even Namjoon had left them.
Ever since their beloved hyung's death, Namjoon had grown distant from them. He seemed to be in a world of his own, without anyone but himself and his mind in it.
He didn't starve himself, he didn't neglect himself, or anything. The only difference was that he'd always lock himself in his and Jin's room, and not come out until it was time for meals. And if he did come out otherwise, he'd hardly speak a word. He was a totally different Namjoon from the one they knew all their lives.
And none of them pushed him, since they knew he needed space. But still, the youngest two of the maknae line hoped... every time they saw Namjoon, they hoped he'd sit next to them, ask them how their studies were going... but it never happened.
Namjoon didn't seem to care about the world anymore.
Yoongi, Hoseok and Jimin, unlike Jungkook and Taehyung, were always aware that Jin wasn't there, and they did whatever they could... anything to distract themselves from the real world. They pretended they were fine.
Jimin had taken Jin's leave harder than anyone else, and was extremely traumatized since the accident. His mental state was very fragile and needed a lot of care, and Yoongi started working at home instead of at his studio, to look after his boyfriend and always keep him in front of his eyes.
And when Yoongi wasn't working, he'd sit by the piano in his and Jimin's room and play it, while Jimin would listen to him while sitting on the bed, sometimes singing a melody that'd match every note his boyfriend played, or dance slowly, captivating anyone who'd watch with the nimble and beautiful moves of his feet.
It was their way of forgetting the reality, getting lost in a whole different world. It was their way of forgetting and relieving all the pain and sadness of their lives momentarily.
Hoseok was the only one who continued his old routine, go to work every morning and returning late at night. Since his best friend left them, he started to work even harder to try to get him out of his mind. At the same time, he hoped, maybe he could be everyone's strength by remaining on his feet.
Maybe someday they'd get out of this mess Jin left them in.
Hoseok let his guard down only when he was alone. It was only when he'd return home every night, to find the living room dark and empty...
He'd turn on the lights and see the huge collage of photos, stickers and origami that decorated the plain bare wall on one side of the room. He'd stare at them and get lost in the memories of the pictures and notes... the memories of brighter, happier days...
And he'd wish... he'd wish he'd get them back someday... somehow.
Every night he'd look at them, and remember the time and story behind each of them. Outsiders wouldn't understand how much these pictures meant, except him, and the others. Even the moment all seven of them decorated the wall with them and stuck weird but funny captions under them was a memory...
"What the fuck is that shit?" Everyone looked up when they heard Hoseok say loudly.
The mentioned man was pointing at one of the pictures Yoongi pasted to the wall, which was his own. Hoseok looked like he was screaming in the photo, his eyes almost popping out in terror for whoever knew what the reason was and his mouth agape. The picture was really embarrassing to be honest.
Everyone except Hoseok started laughing, Jin's laughter the loudest and weirdest among everyone which triggered them into laughing even more, while Yoongi stood there, looking really smug as he shrugged.
"Aigoo, this is perfect blackmail material!" Jungkook exclaimed, holding out a photo that he just got out from one of the boxes of albums for everyone to see, grinning in accomplishment.
It was Jimin in an elf costume.
"Aww," Hoseok and Jin said, but Jimim had a whole different story.
"Yah, hand that over!" He shouted, turning red in both embarrassment and anger.
"Nope, never." Jungkook took off with the photo, and Jimin chased after him.
They circled around Taehyung, who was sitting serenely in front of a box and sticking butterfly stickers around a framed picture of him and Jungkook, totally unaffected by the chaos his boyfriend and best friend were making.
"Can I have the picture?" Yoongi asked, as Namjoon took pictures of the oldest and youngest of the maknae line who were now wrestling each other on the ground.
Struggling to get from underneath Jimin, Jungkook tossed the picture in Yoongi's direction, who caught it in his hand. Jimin immediately got off Jungkook, running over to his boyfriend.
"Give it to me!" He whined, trying to take the photo from him. "It's hideous. Let me burn it!"
"No, it's not," Yoongi told him, smiling at him and pinching his cheek. "You look adorable, baby. Can I keep it?"
And who could say no to Yoongi's cute gummy smile? Jimim blushed, shutting his mouth and puffing out his cheeks. "Fine."
Yoongi chuckled, pecking his lips before looking around at Jungkook, who was getting onto his feet, and gave him a murderous stare.
"I swear I'm gonna cut your non-existent dick if you tease my boyfriend again, Jeon," he threatened.
Jungkook opened his mouth to say that his information about his dick was completely wrong but stopped under the look he gave him. Shooting a glare in Jimin's direction as he smirked devilishly at him from behind Yoongi's back, he went and sat down beside Taehyung with his legs crossed, sulking.
"Kookie, look at this!" Taehyung said happily, showing some adorable pictures of them two, and Jungkook's mood changed completely when he giggled and pecked him quickly on the lips before bringing out more photos from the box.
Grinning like the lovesick idiot he was, Jungkook rested his head on his shoulder as they looked at more pictures, both old and new.
"Damn, this one's ancient," Hoseok said, as he wiped the dust off an old picture with his thumb.
Everyone gathered around him and smiled at it. It was taken years ago, back in high school. Hoseok, Jin, Taehyung, Yoongi and Jungkook sat together in what looked like the school's lockers, dressed in black and white, wearing chains and jewelry, and it looked like they were singing opera in the picture, their faces lively with exaggerated expressions.
They remembered the time clearly. There was a programme at their school and the boys were going to perform there. They'd planned to practice in the lockers' room just before their performance but they ended up goofing around.
"We looked so cool, didn't we?" Jungkook grinned. "We still do, though."
"Jin was so handsome," Namjoon said, smiling over at the person he mentioned.
He was hoping to get a compliment in return, or a shy reaction, but none came. Instead, Jin looked back at him with his arms crossed and eyes narrowed, arching an eyebrow.
"What do you mean by I 'was' handsome?" He said in an accusatory manner. "Am I not handsome anymore?"
Yoongi and Hoseok shared exasperated looks because they knew what was going to happen next between their best friends- Namjoon and Jin. Taehyung watched eagerly because he simply loved drama among his friends, while Jimin muttered an "Oh, here the couple goes again." Meanwhile, Jungkook said in a carrying whisper, "Someone grab the popcorn!"
On the other hand, Namjoon gulped thickly. "N-no, baby, I think you're more handsome, now."
"Are you implying that I was less handsome before?" Jin gasped, looking extremely offended.
"No-I-" Namjoon stuttered, horrified with himself.
"I can't believe this!" Jin said tragically, cutting him off and clutching at his chest.
"Aww, Jinnie, I didn't mean i-" Namjoon tried to say, before he ends up in trouble.
"That's it. Kim Namjoon- You're getting no kisses or hugs for a month!" Jin said in an 'it's final' tone, walking away with a "Hmph", his arms crossed.
Namjoon's eyes widened at hearing his punishment and opened his mouth to protest, but Jin gave him a look that clearly said "don't talk and make it worse for yourself". He pouted like a rejected puppy and half-heartedly picked up a photo, sulking, while the rest of the boys gave him looks of pity. Of course missing the playfulness in Jin's actions.
But moments later, when he was busy staring at a picture of a drunk Jungkook on top of a table, two delicate arms wrapped around his torso tightly from behind, and he felt a head lean against his back.
"Jin, weren't you punishing me?" Namjoon said playfully, though he loved how the other couldn't stay too long without at least hugging him.
"Shut up," Jin mumbled cutely with his face buried against his back. "I was only kidding, you know."
"Mmhm," Namjoon hummed, smiling to himself as he went back to looking at pictures while enjoying Jin's warm embrace.
On the other side of the room, Hoseok and Yoongi stood in front of the half-decorated wall, the first holding a photo from a few years back in his hand. It was a picture of all of them, sitting on top of a wall and staring into the distance in the dim evening light. There was a look of satisfaction and peace in all of their faces, as if there was nothing that could stop their happiness.
"Let's stick it in the center," Hoseok suggested, smiling fondly at the picture. "There's all seven of us here."
He looked up at Yoongi, still smiling. There was a disadvantage of having pale skin because everyone could tell when you were embarrassed or shy. And Yoongi had it, as well as the disadvantage.
"It doesn't matter if we don't have a picture of all seven of us," he said quietly. "It was always meant for seven of us to be one together, and nothing can stop us from being seven, not a picture or an incident, not even death."
"It's too early to be speaking about death." Hoseok grinned. "We are still young, Yoongles."
But what meant more to Hoseok than pictures were his friends. And losing one of them... he was never prepared for it... he was never ready for it.
He'd have burnt all the memories and pictures if it meant that he could have all six of his dearest friends with him forever. At least then... At least then they could've made new and happy memories.
Even after one month, Jin's memory was so vivid that he still couldn't believe he was gone...
Sometimes he'd start to imagine like Jungkook and Taehyung that Jin was going to pop in any moment, just to realize he wasn't there. Like he'd vanish every time Hoseok thought he was there, giving him false hope.
Yoongi was right though. They'd still be seven. And death couldn't stop that.
☆
Words: 3740
Thank you so much for reading!
I cried again while writing this, thinking of some personal experiences, and somehow, it's relieving.
See you in the next chapter. Have a great day/night!
IRA 💜🌈