｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,"Why was my life deemed worth more than theirs?"･:*:･ﾟ☆
Riven
"They're dead."
"Not from old age, or from an unexplained or unstoppable accident, they were needlessly slaughtered. We should have never been out there."
"Students. How could they forget we're students."
"They waited hours, Wisp." I whisper, "Hours and hours and- Silva was there. But Dowling wasn't."
"I was there, Sky was there, Octavia and Beatrix were there- Helios, even fucking dead Dreas was there."
Hysterical laughter breaks free and echoes around the room.
"They were my friends." My voice breaks. "And now there isn't even enough left of them to bury."
"We should have never been in that position, Tavi should never have ordered them there."
"No."
"My mate should have never had to bear the burden of their lives. Not yet at least. She is still learning herself. She should have never been forced to choose between lives."
"I wonder if their families know yet?" They'll cry, just like I did when I found my mother. "I wonder if they found enough of their bodies."
"They'' have to burn the remains," Laughter bubbles out of me. "Burning them after being killed by a burned one, poetic."
"How do you think they brought their bodies back? Do you think they had to use bags and scoop them up like they were no better than trash."
"I wonder if Dowling went and saw them herself."
"Three specialists. It could have been me, it could have been Sky, it could have been Octavia."
The shadows seem long and twisted in the dim light of Wisp's stall.
"Ripped limb from limb."
"It was like finding mother all over again."
"Who will tell their families? Dowling is runs the school but Silva was their headmaster. What if they expect Octavia to inform them because she led them into battle."
"I still haven't found Olivia."
I scratch at my wrists.
"My friends are dead. My mates could have died, I could have died."
"At least they won't be in pain any longer, they are free from pain now. Eternal peace."
"It sounds nice."
My head feels like it's pounding and my skin feels too tight for my body.
"What do you think they thought of, Wisp?" I murmur, wrapping my arms around her neck. "In their last moments I mean."
"Maybe it was their family. I think I would have thought of my family, I would get to see them again after all."
"Why were we out there, Wisp?"
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
Sky
The punching bag sways under my movements and I know my form has begun to get sloppy with rage.
Get away from my son.
My father is dead. He is dead. Even if Andreas is here, my father is not. Where was he? Why would he leave, why wouldn't he leave me anything. Anything other than that letter from before the mission. Something that is no doubt impersonal.
He's just back and he saves the day. He saved me. So he has to care. He cares that I'm alive but he just doesn;t care enough to be in my life. Didn't care enough to raise his son.
Raising a daughter though. Raising a daughter or two was perfectly on the table, something he enjoyed and seemed to cherish.
Dad told us not to tell you.
Dad. Because he's their dad, Octavia and Beatrix. Octa seemed more distant from him but the way Beatrix sounded, the defensiveness. She loves him. He is her father in every way he is not mine. She's eighteen, Tavi's year. I'm nineteen. Helios, he moved on quickly.
One, I'm adopted-
He chose her. He chose beatrix. He chose to leave me. It couldn't be any more clear, what argument or evidence could be given to refute this. To change this. He picked her. Beatrix is Andrea's chosen family. Nobody chose me. Not Silva and Irene, nor Octa and Riven, not even Stella fully chose me. They were all bound to me in some way or another. Silva had a sense of duty to Andreas, Irene is bound to Silva, Octavia and Riven are bound to me and Stella is charged with securing Solaria's claim on Eraklyon.
Welcome to the family
Riven managed to get in his good graces faster than me. And I love him with all my heart but he comes with some very visible, defensive flaws that usually have people running the other direction. But my father, my fucking father just accepted him, just like that. Because Irene and Silva chose him. They picked him, made him family and I couldn't be more grateful to have him by my side. To know that Riven once again has the family he so craves but- Fuck me it hurts. It hurts to know that Irene's word, her title as Riven's mother, was enough to convince Andreas. Enough to sway him.
But the fact that Irene and Silva raised me isn't. Their love isn't proof enough. If they even fucking love me. Its a strong word and Silva was never very good at expressing his emotions, preferring to bottle them up under a cold mask until they burst. And Irene, my heart hurts at the thought, she's always wanted to be a mother and I know that after all the miscarriages she and Silva tried to hide from me that she had given up.
And yet here she is, pregnant with the dream child they prayed for. Pregnant and fighting in a battle that wasn't hers to fight. Yes, her mate was in danger, and yes that gives her the right to defend her family but she is pregnant- with a severe history of miscarriages.
My chest tightens at the thought. If something had gone we could have lost both of them, lost more soldiers trying to protect them. And yet Andreas was fine letting her fight, letting her risk the babe and our soldiers when I know for a fact she was not only drunk on bloodlust but running on animal instincts.
The Burned Ones are ours.
He was so determined to fight by her side. To be that powerful duo once more, to relive the glory days. The ones before I was born, before he had Beatrix, before he left us.
Irene is pregnant
What wonderful news
This is your last fight then
Andreas didn't even care that she wasn't thinking properly, that her wolf was in control. That the human her would be so terrified and guilt ridden at putting her babe and the soldiers in danger. She would have never made the decision to fight had she been in control. He had to have known this. He trained with her for years, fought by her side, and was by Silva's side. Why would he let her do something that she would regret so terribly, that could cause her to hate herself if we're not careful.
We shall have to make this a battle worthy of legend then.
Glory. My fist pounds against the bag, shaking it with every movement. That was what he was after, not to keep us safe but to make a name for himself once more. The great hero risen from the dead. And Irene- Irene was just a tool in all that. Of course he knew of her instincts, of course he would know that the urge to protect her mate would outweigh all else. He used her.
He used me.
I have so much to tell you, to ask-
And I shall listen to every tale.
He never cared, did he? He has no intention of listening. The complete emotion shut off after my purpose in the fight was over made that clear. He saw that I was alive and that was enough. Someone to pass on his name, not someone to be apart of his family.
He didn't even ask if I had been hurt.
Didn't even ask if I was okay after watching my friends die.
Silva with the healer?
Silva, he asked about. Silva he cared for, his old brother in arms. The worry of losing his old comrades is apparently more present and more important than his own flesh and blood. When... when has he ver once given me any sign that he still thinks of me, that he still want to be family? He was gone. For eighteen years he was gone and not a single word from him. Not a letter, or a note or a photograph, or anything that could even give Silva and I a hint to look for him.
Nothing for his family.
Show them what it means to be our family.
But...
"He's my father, I have to try." I whisper into the dark silence.
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
Octavia
I lay in bed. Unable to move.
This is all my fault. I did this.
I want to scream. Roar in rage and defiance.
But I can't.
My limbs weigh as heavy as lead against my side, keeping me pinned to the mattress and trapped in my own mind. This is all my fault.
Dowling was right. What made me think it was okay to order children like they were soldiers. To send them to their deaths without thought or consideration. I made a plan, yes. I though through the tactics as much as I could with the time constraints.
But we failed.
We failed because I was treating them like fully grown, seasoned warriors who had seen battle and death. Helios, none of them had even faced a Burned One and I just told them to grab their armour and weapons and get to the cars.
Were they even wearing armour?
More than the pathetic jumpers and weapon straps. Did I even check if their swords were sharpened? If their daggers would pierce skin when thrown? What about their quivers, what if they didn't have enough arrows.
What if they mistakenly took broken equipment?
They moves without hesitation when I told them of the situation, they were determined to protect their own. But they didn't know what they would be forced to face, what they would have to do and see.
How old were they
Were they above first year? Did I check that? Dane was there and he is a first year. Why did I let a first year come? Has even completed basic training?
What about Sky and Riven? I just put them in charge, just like that. I just expected them to know what to do, to have that training. I placed lives in their hands, I made those specialists their responsibility. Do they even know how to lead a team? How to lead a troop?
I played the role of a god with their lives and got them killed.
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Riven
"Do you think if I asked them they would tell me where Olivia was placed?" I mutter, staring at Wisp who has laid beside my sprawled out form on the ground. "Octavia scared them off, my grandparents I mean, but I could contact them. Try again. They would have to know where mother was buried so they would have to know where Oliva was-..... Where she was placed."
"She would be nine."
"Do you know that one of the specialists who died today had a little sister."
"He talks about her all the time." I pause, "He talked about her all the time."
"That could have been me."
"What made me different from them, Wisp? What meant that I could live while they died."
"They wanted to live, they loved life. I would see the girl around school, partying with her girlfriend. I never knew her name."
A broken laugh escapes me and I desperately rub at my watering eyes. Burning itches ripple a,ong my body and I fight the urge to claw at my skin. Wrong. This is so wrong. Why do I have a body and they don't? Why is mine intact and theirs in pieces?
"I don't even know her name Wisp. She was just a nameless girl to me."
"How can i be here, and they aren't" I question, voice wavering. "I dind;t even want to be here at one point. I faltered, I questioned if life was worth it.... They didn't."
"They never once questioned, they were happy to be alive and yet they are the ones dead."
"How is that fair?" I absently brush Wisp's dark coat, smiling slightly when she whinnies at me.
"Why was my life deemed worth more than theirs?"
"Was it even that? They never stood a chance, ripped limb from limb in a sneak attack. How could they have seen the Burned Ones coming."
"How could any of us see it coming?"
"Is that what it is from now on?" I choke slightly on a sob. Scratching at my hands and wrist before pressing them against my head. "Just waiting for death to peer around the corner and there's nothing even remotely in our power to stop it."
"Why didn't Dowling send the troops sooner? What could have possibly delayed her?"
"It was Andreas who saves us, without him we would have- Octavia and Sky-"
They would be dead. My mates would have died and I would have had to watch. Maybe I would have lived, lived on without them. Not that I would last long. What is the point in living in the world if they are not here with me. So I just have to keep going? Keep fighting and hope I don't lose who I am along the way. Sky's my mate, I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else by my side. Living I mean. I couldn't imagine having to live this life without Octavia either. How does anyone survive in this world, let alone live when they are on their own. I know I didn't.
I know I would be in a very different place right now.
If I didn't have my family by my side.
A thin line of blood drips down from the raw red scratches along my arms.
A/N: A short chapter, I know. But I only wanted to briefly touch on their initial reactions. What do you think of their response to the death and drama they witness?
Riven
Sky
Octavia