Warnings: Blood, trauma, depression, swearing, suicidal thoughts, attempt of suicide, drowning, mental instability, nudity, etc.
"H-hyung."
Hoseok stood up, finding his legs shaking as he faced Yoongi, who stood across him.
Both of their faces were bloodless, dark shadows from the last sleepless twenty-eight hours under their red eyes. It'd been twenty-eight hours since the nightmarish twist in their lives took place.
"Hoseok-how- is-" Yoongi stopped speaking, his voice cracked.
He wanted to ask how everything was going on, but what use was it when he could see it right in front of himself?
He looked over Hoseok's shoulder and saw Taehyung and Jungkook seating on chairs next to each other, fast asleep, Taehyung's head on Jungkook's shoulder, and the latter's head on top of his. Both of their mouths were slightly open. Through everything, they somehow managed to drift off.
His eyes fell on Namjoon, who was sitting beside the two, and his heart dropped. Namjoon simply looked terrible. His dark circles were way worse than his and Hoseok's and his face was devoid of emotion as he stared into space before him. He looked... No. He was lost. It was as if his body was there but his soul had left.
And just yesterday, he was like the happiest man on earth, grinning from ear-to-ear because he was getting married next month. That Namjoon was gone.
Tearing his eyes away from this sight, he looked into Hoseok's eyes and saw the pain in them that mirrored his own.
"H-How's Jin?" Yoongi choked out.
Hoseok looked down at his feet and his bottom lip trembled slightly. "H-he's fighting. The doctors are doing their best."
And he looked up again, and there was a spark in his teary eyes. He hadn't lost his faith in his best friend yet.
"A-and Jimin? How's Jimin?" Hoseok's voice was laced with worry.
Yoongi swallowed a lump in his throat. He ran a hand through his hair hopelessly.
"I-I-" Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut as he clamped a hand over his mouth before a whimper could come out.
He had to stay strong. He had to. He was the oldest among them in Jin's absence and thus he felt that it was his duty to stay strong for his dongsaengs.
But Hoseok noticed his small sign of weakness and took his hand in his, giving it a comforting squeeze, as if to say he was there for him if he needed a shoulder to cry on.
Hoseok seemed to understand him like nobody else.
Yoongi looked up at him again, trusting him to see the broken look in his eyes. He only trusted him to see the vulnerable side of him without being judged.
"I-I don't know what to do with him, Hoba," Yoongi whispered, as he bit his bottom lip to stop himself from crying. "I-I don't know-"
Hoseok took a step closer to the pale boy, placing his hands gently on the latter's shoulder. He looked back at him with eyes full of tears yet to shed.
"Hey, it's okay," he said soothingly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind Yoongi's ear. "Everything's gonna be all right. All we need is more time. And then we'll be able to get out of this mess... And we'll be happy again. I promise."
He managed to say this without stuttering, but he hardly believed what he said. It was a white lie, a way to stop seeing Yoongi upset, which made him feel worse than what he already felt. After what happened to Jin. Since everything that happened throughout the last twenty-eight hours. He hated every moment of it.
"P-promise?" Yoongi said, and the look he gave him killed him. So desperate and needy.
Hoseok didn't want to lie to him anymore. He couldn't promise him such a thing...
Instead, he flicked the pale blonde's forehead, giving him a hint of a smirk. "Aww, since when did Meanie Yoonie start being such a cutie?"
Yoongi seemed to momentarily forget what they were talking about as he scrunched up his nose at Hoseok's comment and smacked his arm playfully.
"Shut up," he scolded him quietly, his pale face gaining a little colour as he smiled slightly. The younger felt his heart soar.
But then the smile faded suddenly, and a tear splashed down Yoongi's face. Like a dewdrop slipping down the petal of a pale pink rose. Hoseok's smile faded at this as well.
He'd an impulse to wipe the tears away with his own finger, but before he could work it out, Yoongi quickly rubbed them away with his sweater paw. He looked at him the whole time, and something broke within him.
"I-I don't know what to do," Yoongi spoke in a broken whisper. "Jimin w-woke up hours ago and all he did was cry and cry in my arms. The doctor said it was because of the shock and trauma of the accident."
Hoseok was speechless with mental pain which was slowly becoming physical. He listened to the other in silence.
"He didn't eat anything the whole time. H-he didn't want to l-live anymore, Hobi." Yoongi's shoulders shook as he wiped more tears, rubbing his eyes so hard they'd started to get redder and more puffy.
"H-he fell asleep again before I came to check on y-you guys, and I-I-I'm so scared. W-what if he doesn't get b-better?" Yoongi's eyes were wide with fear.
Hoseok shook his head in total disagreement. "You're overthinking it. Jimin will be fine once the shock wears off. He just needs time, and comfort." He dared to take a step closer to Yoongi, and looked deeply into his dark eyes. "And I know you're ready to do anything for him."
Yoongi nodded. "I love him, Hobi."
"I know you do," Hoseok smiled, though his chest hurt. "So, don't worry. It'll be okay."
Yoongi believed him, and so he nodded in response. Both of them stayed like that for moments, as Hoseok tried to control the mental pain he was going through as the other kept his gaze on the ground, trying to control his sudden wave of emotions. He'd never broken down like this.
"T-thank you," Yoongi mumbled, once his crying subsided.
Hoseok looked at him, confused. "For what?"
"For not judging me."
"Why would I judge you, Yoongi?" Hoseok asked softly.
"It's just... everyone sees me as being all rough and tough... no one really believes I'm able to feel vulnerable at times. And I don't feel like I can show how whiny I really am to others, not even Jimin. I've always thought I'd be the one to comfort him, not worry him with my stupid feelings." Yoongi gave a weak smile.
Hoseok's heart broke, if it hadn't already. But when he smiled at him, it was genuine.
"I'm glad you trust me enough to let your guard down in front of me. I can't ever dream of breaking this trust. And your feelings aren't stupid, Yoongi. Remember that."
The pale blonde nodded slowly, wiping his face stained with tears before looking up at the other again. Hoseok never saw this new vulnerability in his eyes, and he was glad Yoongi confided enough in him to show this to him.
"I-I'll go now," he said softly. "Jimin needs to eat something so I'll go grab something from the food court."
"Sure." Hoseok gave him a reassuring smile. "I'll text you when the doctors inform us about Jin's state."
"Hmm." Yoongi nodded, and giving the other a last and sweetly long look, he turned around to walk away.
Hoseok reached out, wanting to hold him back, pull him into a tight hug, whisper how strong and brave he was being for the others in his ear- just make him realize how much he was appreciated - but an imaginary force held him back.
His outstretched hand fell limply to his side as Yoongi left him with a strong and sad yearning.
Hoseok felt empty and useless for not being brave like him. He felt like a coward, hesitating at doing everything he wanted to, at taking every step in front of him. He hated himself for stopping from comforting Yoongi. But he just couldn't find the courage.
Yoongi was out of limits anyway.
Hoseok had the misfortune of always falling for someone who was taken.
°°°♡ °°°
It was a bright day, and the sky overhead was cloudless and a beautiful indigo color. The car was speeding along the smooth road underneath, and all it's passengers were in a happy mood.
Two young men sat in the back, one talking to his fiance over the phone with a grin on his face, while the other rested his head on his shoulder, scrolling through Instagram. Jin was the engaged one, and the latter was called Jimin, one of Jin's close friends.
At the moment, Jimin was not totally concentrating on his phone, but also listening to the latter conversing with Namjoon, and longing for Yoongi too.
Meanwhile, Jin let out a giggle in the middle of his phone call.
"Aww, Joonie, stop whining," he said to his soon-to-be husband. "I'll come back right after Jiminie and I are done with shopping. And then we can cuddle as much as you want."
Namjoon's voice came from the other side, and he said something that made Jin turn red.
"I told you we aren't doing anything again more than cuddling till we get married, you horny monster," Jin giggled, shaking his head.
Jimin smirked, and he could almost imagine Namjoon whining on the other side.
"Mmh, fine, I might consider adding a kiss or two with the cuddles, if you behave," Jin said, chuckling. "I love you too, Joonie. Bye for now. Muah."
Jin made a smooching sound, giggling at whatever reaction Namjoon made, before ending the call.
"Joon's becoming impatient," Jin told Jimin. "You know how clingy he is. But it's hypocritical of me to say that, since I'm clingy myself."
"Mmh." Jimin nodded, thinking of something else. "You know what I'm planning on including in my speech at your wedding, hyung?"
"What is it?" Jin asked curiously, cuddling closer next to him.
"Well," Jimin grinned to himself, casually scrolling through recent posts. "Remember the time I accidentally came across Namjoonie hyung's and your sex playlist when I borrowed your phone?"
Jin sat up, looking at his dongsaeng to find a not-so-innocent smirk on his angel-like face.
"I swear if you bring that up at the wedding, Jimin!" Jin said, though he was laughing.
"I just wanted to share a juicy subject with everyone!" Jimin was laughing even harder, throwing himself on the other, who started to laugh even more just by his reaction.
Jin's driver from the driver's seat was chuckling at their happiness too. He'd been serving Jin's family since his parents' own marriage and he was happy to witness another wedding of the family. A wedding completely different from the last one, with obvious happiness.
The two were still having a hard time trying to control their sudden laughing session, and the rest of the day was supposed to be like that, full of positivity and laughter.
But that's when the nightmarish twist took place.
It all happened in a flash.
One moment they were discussing excitedly about the upcoming marriage ceremony, and the next, they caught sight of a truck in front of the car through the windshield.
It all happened so quickly that Jimin didn't even have the time to make out what was going to happen next.
Jin had thrown himself on top of him, and Jimin's eyes closed as he heard a crash, breaking of glass, and finally, screaming all around him.
He slowly opened his eyes. He found himself shaking from shock. Jin was lying limply on top of him and Jimin was struck dumb to find his eyes closed, blood trickling down from his forehead.
Jimin's mouth opened but no sound or scream came out. He seemed to have lost all his energy just by the sight of Jim.
While he was under him, totally unharmed. And he hated it. He hated that he was the reason his dearest hyung was covered in blood and shards of broken glass.
He didn't deserve this. He didn't.
Jimin couldn't even cry. He couldn't stand the pain and pressure inside him either. His head was starting to spin and the world around him was becoming blurry.
He could hear the screaming and chaos around him, but his senses didn't recognize their presence.
And then his eyes closed and he was falling... Falling into an abyss of darkness.
Jimin woke up abruptly, sitting up on the bed. He was drenched in sweat, and panting for breath.
He looked around and found himself in the same dark gray room he was in when he woke up last time. But Yoongi wasn't here this time, and Jimin shivered at how cold and alone he felt.
"Y-Yoonie," Jimin whimpered, starting to sniffle as he remembered what he had dreamt of.
The nightmares had never left.
He didn't get any response. Jimin looked around frantically only to see himself surrounded by gray walls. The light from outside was blocked by the gray curtains over the only window in the room. The floors were grey too. And he was all alone in this cold gloomy place.
Tears filled Jimin's eyes as he thought that Yoongi had probably left him because he knew that he was the reason Jin was suffering and was disgusted by his selfishness. Yes, Jimin felt that he'd been selfish for not protecting Jin like he protected him.
"Yoonie," Jimin sobbed, hugging himself and missing the warmth of the arms that had held him when he had regained consciousness after the accident.
He cried, hicupping and finding it difficult to breathe. Most of all, he felt self-hatred. It was all his fault. He should've been the one suffering instead of Jin. And Jimin felt disgusted with himself for wanting Yoongi, though he deserved so much better than him.
He stopped sobbing abruptly, letting his tears flow down his cheeks like a waterfall until they couldn't anymore, taking a shuddering breath once in a while, eventually only hiccuping after short intervals.
He hated himself... he hated that he was alive and not suffering.
He weakly pushed himself out of the bed, slowly walking towards the bathroom. His feet felt heavy but numb, and he had to drag them along. Jimin did not even bother to wipe away the tear tracks on his face.
He pushed the bathroom door open. It creaked on its hinges, and the sound echoed around the quiet room. Jimin stepped into the bathroom, feeling its cold dry floor underneath his feet. The place was so lifeless.
Jimin stared at himself in the mirror. His face was pale and bloodless, and it made his dark circles look prominent. His cheeks were sunken and wet from his tears. So fucking ugly, he thought.
His small fingers shook as they unbuttoned his hospital gown, which pooled around his feet on the floor once he let it slip down his shoulders, letting himself see his bare body in the mirror.
His fingers traced the disgustingly unharmed skin of his shoulders, arms, chest and stomach, and tears filled his eyes again. It should have been him. He deserved to be the one to be harmed, and he should've been the once to protect Jin. Instead, he let him get hurt to protect him.
He looked away, hating himself even more, and stepped out of the cloth around his feet. He wanted to die. He wanted the pain in his heart to end.
He walked up to the bathtub, and turned on the tap, watching the tub fill up with water blankly. He felt so empty, yet so much pain. He couldn't take it any longer.
Once the bathtub was filled with water to the very tip and Jimin had turned off the tap, he got in, and he felt the icy cold water against his skin. But he didn't care. He slowly settled in the freezing water, bringing his legs to his chest.
He stared at the surface of the water motionlessly, and wondered if there was any meaning behind him being left with no cuts or bruises, any meaning behind every breath he took. He couldn't find any, and he found every moment he lived disgusting. It was all his fault. No one else's got any blame. It's all happened because of him.
Jimin gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, more tears trickling down his cheeks. He wanted this to end. Slowly, he laid back in the bathtub, letting himself sink under the surface of the water inch by inch. Until his whole self was swallowed by it.
His lungs had started to burn from the lack of air, but he didn't get up. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to breathe.
He opened his mouth, letting more water get into his system, and ignored how painful the process was, how much his inner self begged for just, just one drop of oxygen. Just one bit of the thing that'd keep him alive. His heart knew the uglier truth. He had left every desire to live.
I want to die.
I hate myself. Everyone hates me. There is no need for me to increase everyone's pain with my existence. I should just get out of the way.
Jimin knew he was losing it. He knew that he'd soon stop breathing. It was already hard to breathe. He couldn't fight the urge to stay conscious anymore. His energy was fading away, just the way his will to live had. His eyes were shutting, he felt extremely weak. His body was beginning to grow numb... he was going to-
But he felt two strong hands grab him by the shoulders, and pull him up from the surface with extreme force. Jimin gasped, his eyes widening and he shivered from the contact with air. Oxygen...
Jimim would've never known how sweet and welcoming life was until then. He was panting, but at the same time, he tried to breath in and out steadily, taking as much air as he could into his system. This... life was such a beautiful thing. And he wanted to end it?
"What do you think you were doing?" Yoongi hissed, and Jimin looked up at him, still gasping for breath.
Yoongi was bending over him in the tub, his clothes drenched in water. The look on his face wasn't angry... but scared and worried. Saying that he was terrified of what had happened was an understatement.
Jimin started to sob, fresh tears streaming down his already wet face, and Yoongi's expression and heart softened. He let him lift him up in his arms carefully and step out of the tub, naked and broken. He cried, burying his face in his neck and hugging him tightly, as he carried him bridal style back into the room.
Yoongi carefully placed him on the bed, softly prying his hands off him and covering his bare wet body with a blanket as he was shivering. He didn't say another word, but he had a expression on his face, full of love and fear.
Yoongi sat down next to him and hugged him tightly, kissing his forehead before getting up and walking across the room.
"Y-Y-Yoonie?" Jimin choked out, thinking that Yoongi was leaving him. "Don't leave- P-please, Yoonie."
And Yoongi didn't. He came back with a towel and some clothes. He looked extremely sad and worried, but there was still that warmth and affection in those eyes. Jimin cried even more, feeling it impossible to believe that his boyfriend still cared about him even after all this. Even after seeing how pathetic and weak I am.
Yoongi sat down beside Jimin without a word and removed the blanket from around him. Jimin hugged himself as he felt the coldness against his bare skin. Yoongi took the towel and moved closer to him, using the soft cloth to wipe away the water trickling down his body after drying his wet hair with it. Jimin let him take care of him, feeling needy.
After that, Yoongi helped him into a pair of shorts and a warm oversized sweater. Once he was dressed, he put his arms around Yoongi and climbed onto his lap, still being vulnerable, and noticed that he was still in his wet shirt.
"You're wet," Jimin croaked.
Yoongi happened to only notice this now, and he immediately pulled the shirt over his head and took it off, revealing his toned torso. Ignoring the fact that he was half-naked, Yoongi took hold of Jimin's small waist and pulled him to his chest, knowing that he needed affection and his presence.
Jimin took a deep breath, pressing the side of his face to his boyfriend's chest so that his ear was right next to where Yoongi's heart was. Listening to his heartbeat always calmed him down and made everything peaceful. Jimin closed his eyes, resting his hands on the other's shoulders, breathing steadily now.
On the other hand, Yoongi buried his nose in Jimin's hair, closing his eyes too. But his fear and worry wasn't gone. None of them brought up the incident of Jimin attempting to drown himself, and there was no need to. Both of them were aware of what had happened.
Yoongi knew that Jimin's mental state wasn't at all good, and he wanted to help him. He wanted to know why he tried to take his own life, forgetting about him. What it was that was the cause of his happy lively Jimin to become like this in only twenty-eight hours. He knew that he was traumatized by the accident, and he also knew that it wasn't the only reason.
"Jimin," he whispered softly, rubbing circles on the younger's back. "Baby, talk to me."
Jimin's grip on his shoulders tightened, but he made no response.
"Babe, please." Yoongi's voice broke, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I don't know what to say. Just please tell me what's wrong. Just... p-please."
Jimin was startled by his tone and he tilted his head up to find a tear rolling down the other's face.
"I hate myself," Jimin spoke, his voice low and ashamed. "It's all my fault."
"Yours?" Yoongi's tone was surprised. "This was an accident. You couldn't have stopped it from happening, Jimin."
"If only- if only I had-" Jimin was cut off as he broke down again.
Yoongi immediately hugged him tightly, cradling his body in his arms and kissing his forehead again and again.
"Shh," he said, using a thumb to wipe Jimin's tears. "Don't cry, sweetheart. I'm right here."
"Y-Yoongi, do you h-hate me?" Jimin sobbed, closing his eyes as the other softly rubbed away tears clinging to his eyelashes.
Yoongi's heart cracked at hearing this question. How could someone hate a person like his Jiminie?
Yoongi leaned forward so that his forehead touched Jimin's and their noses brushed. "Baby, why would I ever hate you?" He whispered, smiling sadly. "I love you so much, from the end of the universe and back. And don't ever doubt it."
"Do the others hate me?" Jimin sniffled, his lover's words soothing him a little.
"They'd never." Yoongi kissed the tears on his cheeks away. "Everyone's so worried. Specially Hobi."
"Really?" Jimin felt a bit lighter at the mention of Hoseok's name. "Where are they?"
"Taehyung and Jungkook fell asleep. Hobi and Namjoon... they're with them." Yoongi felt hesitant saying Namjoon's name and he remembered his blank gaunt face back in the waiting room.
"A-and Jin h-hyung?" Jimim let out a sob in fear. "I-is he o-okay?"
Yoongi looked into the wide eyes glistening with tears, and his heart hurt. He couldn't find the heart to tell him the truth, that Jin was battling between life and death. He didn't want to break his heart with the truth. White lies were the only way out.
"He's fighting," Yoongi kissed Jimin sweetly. "We all have faith in him, don't we?"
Jimin melted onto the other's touch, and only nodded, all his energy gone. Even the power to speak. He let Yoongi feed him some soup he brought for him, and then they laid down on the hospital bed, cuddling in the comfort of each other's arms and waiting to get news about Jin from Hoseok.
Jin was still there, and so they still had hope.
✯
Words: 4090
Thank you for reading! ❤
As it's obvious, this story's gonna be a really sad one, but I don't write sad endings, trust me. Stick with me till the end if you want to see how everyone has their ending <3
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Till next time,
Ira 💜💜💜