Content Warning: Some lines/dialogues may cause triggers and discomfort. Please be guided. Thank you.
***
Chapter 49:
Apologies and Reasons
AKALA ni Blair, makapagtatago siya kay Jack. Pero hindi pala talaga.
Akala niya lang walang alam si Jack pero pinababayaan lang pala siya nitong manahimik at naghihintay kung kailan siya magsasabi. Nobody knows her like Jack does.
At nalaman niya ang tungkol kay Wade nang mag-usap sila tungkol sa mga nawala niyang bodyguards...
"Bakit ba kasi inalis ni Kuya Bari ang bodyguards ko totally? Bakit pumayag ka? Ganoon ba kayo kakampante na hindi ako masusundan nina Wade at Hank dito sa Monte Amor?"
What if those two are conniving against her? Lalo nang may kaunti siyang naalala at base sa kaunti niyang natandaan ay mukhang siya talaga ang may kasalanan—
"Can you tell me first if you some memories were triggered when you saw Wade, again, Blair?" maingat na balik-tanong ni Jack.
Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. "I just want my bodyguards back. Tignan mo nang inalis sila, nalapitan na 'ko ni Mama nung nagkasakit ako."
Jack sighed with patience. Tumitig ito nang matagal sa kanya. "Blair, before we left Manila, I already noticed you were trying to avoid something. Dra. Alicante confirmed that you lied from the last time we talked to her."
Parang nasukol na hayop si Blair, sinubukan niyang lumayo pero nahawakan na siya sa braso ni Jack.
"Please, Blair. You can't keep running away."
"I just want my bodyguards back!" she shouted.
"You don't need them because Wade surrendered to the police already!" Jack answered back, not shouting, but with louder emphasis.
Napatulala si Blair sa isiniwalat nito!
Pumikit si Jack saglit at saka muling tumitig ng diretso sa kanya.
"Blair, Wade admitted that he... he forced you. Na alam niya ang tunay na nangyari at sasabihin niyang lahat. Gusto ka rin niyang makita at makausap..."
Blair refused that time. She's so afraid she's being set up. Siguro mahirap lang din isipin na pagkatapos ng ilang taong akala niya ay patay na si Wade, biglang buhay pala ito at inaako ang kasalanan.
Sa ilang taong sinisira ni Hank ang pangalan niya at pinagbintangan siya, bigla itong tumigil at nanahimik. At binabalik pa ang kompanya sa kanya...
Pero tama si Jack. Tama na ang pagtakbo niya. Walang matatapos kahit isa, sa kahit anong problema niya, kung palagi na lang siyang tumatakbo.
Besides, Blair knew what she's been doing since then. Akala niya, sa pagtakas ay may kapayapaan. Pero hindi pala.
Kaya pala, hanggang sa ngayon, manahimik man sila ni Jack sa Monte Amor o kung saan pang lupalop ng mundo, babalik at babalikan siya ng mga bagay na kinatatakutan.
Kahit anong pagtakbo at pagtakas ang gawin niya, matatapos lang ang lahat kung matututo na siyang harapin ang lahat.
Kaya ngayon, nakatanaw si Blair sa dagat habang mabilis ang takbo ng fast boat na dadalhin sila ni Jack sa Dumaguete. At doong airport sila pupunta para makasakay ng eroplano pabalik ng Manila.
They have two weeks to settle everything...
"Have you thought about it?" bulong ni Jack. Pumulupot ang mga braso nito sa kanyang baywang.
"About what?"
"You've been praying, right? Na sana malinis ang pangalan mo, umayos ang lahat ng hindi mo na kailangang maaalala ang kung ano mang nangyari noon... Na sana lumabas ang katotohanan pero hindi mo kailangang ma-torture ng mga alaala? This is the answer, Blair. God made a way for you."
Bahagya siyang napangiti. Gustong paniwalaan na ganoon na nga... That finally, God is giving her the justice she longed deserve.
"Wade could have continued his hiding. Tutal nagawa naman niya ng maraming taon. Pero, lumabas siya at handang magpakulong. Inamin at inako ang lahat ng kasalanan sa'yo, Blair."
"Yung konti kong naalala," mahina niyang sabi. "I was not drugged because I was really taking it even before Wade asked me to sleep with him. I gave consent to Wade in my last sane moments..."
"But not to the other three men."
"Wala pa rin akong maalala..." And this is the part where she's most afraid of. Sisiwalat din ang mga parte kung saan hindi naman pala totoo.
She was not drugged. She took the ecstasy. She was not forced by Wade, she came with him to his hotel room.
Pero kung inaako ni Wade ang lahat ng kasalanan, ibig sabihin, may katotohanan pa rin ang paniniwala niyang biktima siya. Na may ginawa pa rin ang mga ito na labag sa kalooban niya...
Nakuyom niya ang mga kamay. The little dust of her memories were not distorted...
Kung maglalahad ng kumpletong salaysay si Wade, malalaman niya pa rin kung anong ginawa sa kanya ng mga ito...
Kaya niya na bang marinig? What if hearing Wade's side of the story was the real trigger for her to remember every single, dirty detail?
What kind of abuse she got? Was it really a gang rape?
Napalingon siya kay Jack. Kasama niya ito kapag humarap na siya kay Wade at sa table hearing na magaganap.
Maririnig din ni Jack lahat ng katotohanan... Every single, dirty detail that was done to her. Every single, dirty details that she did before the abuse...
Hinaplos niya ang tainga nito. "Can you..."
Niyuko siya nito.
"...accept it? Can you listen to it? Everything that you'll hear from Wade?" Napalunok siya. "Kaya mo bang tanggapin pa rin ako kung ano mang ginawa nila sa 'kin?"
Napakarahan ng ngiti nito, hinaplos ang buhok niyang nililipad ng hangin.
"Blair, walang magbabago kahit anong marinig ko," mahina ngunit mariing saad nito.
"Please, never think I would love you less. Walang kasalanan mo o kasalanan nila sa 'yo ang makakabawas sa kung paano kita tignan at mahalin."
She bit her lower lip. "You're putting up so much for me, Jack. Kapag pagod ka na, I would understand if you needed a break away from me."
Umiling ito at mas hinila siya sa katawan nito. "Kapag pagod na 'ko, sa tabi mo lang ang pahingahan ko."
Just one Jacquin Valleroso for her whole lifetime, and she'll be fine all the way.
Pagdating nila sa Manila ay gabi na. Kina Patricia sila nag-dinner dahil lagi daw siyang hinahanap ni Noah. Dumalo din sa hapunan si Tita Bella at Kuya Bari.
"I heard you filed a case against Wade," kausap niya sa kapatid nang sinundan siya nito sa balcony—kung saan siya umiinom ng wine mag-isa habang nakatingin lang sa kawalan. Katatapos lang ng dinner.
Tita Bella, Patricia, and Jack were talking about some spiritual stuff. Nag-excuse siyang magpapahangin lang kaya siya ngayon nandoon.
"I told you once he got caught, I would."
"He surrendered to the police..." Mag-uumpisa na ang table hearing sa Sabado. Na kahit nag-plead na ng guilty si Wade sa kasong "Rape", kinakailangan pa rin ang presensiya ng lahat ng nandoon noong "gabing" iyon.
"He did." Imbes na wine ay isang mainit na tsa ang sinisimsim ng panganay na kapatid. "I asked your husband not to tell you immediately. Dahil under observation pa si Wade sa mga nakalipas na linggo. He was very repentant, we all thought it was an act. Pero hindi. Hinihintay niya ng tahimik ang hatol... at hinihintay niyang makaharap at makausap ka. It was a surprise that you agreed."
"Gusto ko nang matapos 'to. Para na rin hindi mo na' ko kargo. Absuwelto ka na, Kuya Bari. Hindi na kita hate... Konti na lang pero..." Ngumisi siya at nagkibit-balikat. Ang pait ng alak ay mas tumindi sa pait na nararamdaman niya sa dibdib.
Here goes her other issues.
"Do you really... forgive me?" mahinang tanong nito.
"Do you think I'm shallow, Kuya? For hating you because you took the time that I should've said a proper goodbye to Papa?"
Umiling ito at tumingala sa madilim na langit. Walang mga bituin. Kahit buwan, nagtatago sa likod ng panggabing ulap.
"Our pain is never shallow. Your hate was reasonable, your annoyance towards me was understandable," kalmado nitong sabi. "It was my fault. I assumed it would be painful for you to see Papa slowly dying. Pinangunahan kita agad. And you hate that right? All your life, people stole your power to decide on your own. I'm sorry I became one of those people."
Nilingon niya ito at tiningala. Her throat constricted and she felt warm tears formed in the corner of her eyes instantly.
"It would be painful to see Papa slowly dying, but every second with him counts to me at that moment. Kakayanin ko naman, Kuya, eh..."
Marahan itong tumango. "I'm sorry... I have no excuse other than at that time, mahihirapan din si Papa na umalis hanggang sa naririnig ka niyang nagmamakaawa at umiiyak. So, I purposely lured you away."
Pumatak ang luha sa mga mata ni Blair. Totoo iyon. Posible iyon.
She would beg and cry so hard for her father to hold on. Naiintindihan niya naman ngayon. It's just that...
"You were with him all your life, Kuya Bari. Naiinggit ako kasi, wala na nga akong masyadong oras kasama si Papa, pati iyong maliit na segundo o minuto na iyon, inagaw mo pa."
Tumango ito at inangat ang isang kamay. Humaplos ang mga daliri nito sa kanyang pisngi at pinalis ang mga luha.
"I'm sorry, little Blair. I'm sorry for stealing that little time, that last moments that you could have said a proper goodbye to our father. I'm sorry. Nagsisisi akong pinangunahan kita. Nagsisisi akong hindi ko naisip kung gaano kahalaga sa 'yo ang makasama si Papa hanggang sa pinakahuling hininga niya."
Natulala si Blair. Suddenly, her brother's apology struck her. Ilang beses na itong nanghingi ng tawad, pero ngayon niya lang narinig na nagsisisi ito...
Nagsisisi... Iyon lang siguro ang kailangan niyang marinig. Na nagsisisi ang mga tao.
Usually, people apologize to her but with excuses. Pero ngayon...
"Hindi kita tinutulungan para mapatawad mo ako. Tinutulungan kita dahil kapatid kita," dagdag pa ni Kuya Bari sa mahinahong tono. Tinigil nito ang pagpalis ng mga luha niyang tumutulo pa ring mag-isa. But he cupped her face like she's a little girl. He let the tears flow from her eyes to his hands...
"I want justice for you because I love you. And maybe, a part of me was guilty, too. That your grief drowned you, dahil kasama na doon na hindi ka nakapagpaalam kay Papa. That it intensified all your regrets..."
Marahang tumango si Blair at napahikbi. "I was so down, and sad, and in pain, Kuya... I thought taking drugs would make me numb. Nang hindi ko na alam paano patitigilin 'yung lumbay, akala ko matutulungan ako niyon. I took the ecstasy all by myself, to stop the grief, to stop the regrets... Kuya... That night. I was not drugged."
Nakakaintindi itong tumango.
"Sumama ako kay Wade. Because I was high and tempted that maybe, sex could get the sadness away," sumbong ni Blair. Hindi niya masabi ito kay Jack pero iba ang panganay niyang kapatid.
No matter how much she envied and hated him, she's the brother she knew that would not judge.
"I can remember, Kuya, hanggang sa dinala ako ni Wade sa hotel niya. We had sex. Hanggang doon lang. Hindi ko na maalala ang kasunod. Naalala ko ang nararamdaman ko, I just felt more down, and dirtier and disgusted to myself... It's so disgusting that I had to give myself to a man I don't love just to distract myself from grief and depression. At mas napahamak pa 'ko."
Blair's body started to shake as she cried. Nanlulumong napaupo siya sa sahig at tinakpan ng mga palad ang mukha.
"Maybe I can't forgive because I really don't know how... I can't even forgive myself..."
"Blair..." Lumuhod din ang kapatid at pinantayan siya.
"Anong ginawa ko sa sarili ko? Anong ginawa ko sa sarili ko, Kuya?"
From the moment she swore vengeance up until now, although Jack's love made her at peace and accepted in between, she can't totally erase the dirt she casted upon herself.
That the truth is, even before the sexual assault, she's already impure, disgusting, and dirty!
She kept making up excuses for all the pain people had caused her. Highlighting everyone's fault against her, para lang ma-justify niyang may mas madumi at mas makasalanan pa sa kanya.
Lalo siyang napahagulgol sa harap ng kapatid. Tahimik na niyakap siya nito nang mahigpit. Nang bumaba na ang emosyon ay unti-unting naririnig ni Blair ang mabagal na tibok ng puso ng kapatid, pati ang tila nahihirapang paghinga nito.
"Kuya?" Natigil na siya sa pag-iyak.
He's trying to calm down and catch his own breath. Napahawak ito sa dibdib. "G-Give me a second..."
Napalayo siya rito. "W-What's happening t-to you?"
Umangat ang gilid ng labi nito at sinandal ang likod sa pader. Pumikit ito nang mariin habang hinahagod pa rin ang dibdib.
Inaatake ba ito sa puso?!
"Kuya, you're scaring me! Mamamatay ka na ba?! Sandali lang, hindi puwede!"
"No, I'm alright," bulong nito sa kanya. "Don't panic. I'm not going to die today."
Tinitigan niyang mabuti ang kapatid. Pumantay na ulit ang paghinga nito. His always calm face looked more relieved. Huminga ito nang malalim at saka muling sinalubong ang nga mata niya.
At saka lang siya kumalma ulit. "Kuya Bari, you scared me."
Nagpatuloy ang pagngisi nito ng tahimik. "Don't live in the past, Blair. Every day, we are given the chance to make a wiser decision. As long as we keep on waking up, we have the chance to change. Although we can't turn back time, we still have today to choose to be better. Every morning, God's mercies are brand-new."
Napalunok siya at napaupo na lang sa tabi nito. Parang batang niyakap ni Blair ang mga tuhod at sumiksik sa tabi ng kapatid.
"Forgive yourself as the Lord forgave you, Blair. You're not dirty and blemished. You are always loved and forgiven."
Napapikit siya at naalala ang nakasabit na painting sa bahay nila ni Jack sa Monte Amor...
She'll just wait for her signs from God. Pero habang naghihintay, unti-unti parang may lumuluwag sa kanya. Hindi niya alam kung ano. But that night, Jack was not the only person who shone light for Blair.
"I hope you live long, Kuya Bari," she sincerely said. Ngayong titignan niya na ang kapatid, hindi na siya nasasaktan.
Umangat na naman ang gilid ng mga labi nito at tumingala sa madilim na langit. Nagpakita na ang buwan.
"I hope so, too."
***
Ang mga sumunod na araw napunta sa pag-aasikaso ng nalalapit nilang pagkikita ni Wade at sa muli niyang pagtapak sa kompanyang ibinalik ni Hank sa kanya.
First, Blair talked with her legal team and to Dra. Alicante. Just to make sure she's mentally ready to face and hear Wade. At kung ano mang sabihin ni Wade ay iyon na ang paniniwalaang katotohanan dahil wala namang umaapela sa pagsuko nito sa batas. If ever it triggered her memories back from the incident, she must honestly tell her psychiatrist about it. At saka pakikingan ang salaysay niya kung sakali.
Next, in her own company, she was greeted with a warm welcome. Pero humarap lang si Blair para magtalaga ng ibang CEO at President. Alam naman niyang hindi niya kayang maghawak ng kompanya ngayon. She would just remain the Chairwoman of the Board and would attend important board meetings. Marami pa rin siyang pag-aaralan ulit sa kompanya dahil lagpas limang taon din ang lumipas at hindi niya na alam kung ano nang standing niyon.
But she was briefed, and it appeared that Hank didn't let the company fail amidst their feud...
Hinatid siya ng tinalagang sekretarya sa kanya sa malaking pribadong opisina. Iyon daw ang dating opisina ni Hank bilang CEO...
Habang nililibot niya ang paningin sa walang kabuhay-buhay na silid, napansin niya ang isang maliit na papel na nag-iisang nakapatong sa malaki at mawak na mahogany desk.
Blair, I'm sorry.
I was blinded by hatred, honey. You've suffered so much but I made you suffer more. Ngayon, alam ko na ang totoo, pinagsisisihan ko ang lahat ng ginawa kong panggugulo at paninira sa 'yo.
You deserve happiness. You deserve love. I'm sorry for my words that hurt you, my actions that betrayed you.
My pain can never justify the pain I've inflicted upon you. I know how you trusted me and Wade. But we only disappointed you. We kept on saying we love you, but we failed you. I understand if you can never forgive us.
Still, I want to know how sorry I am, Blair. To you. I was wrong on hurting you. Pagsisisihan kong palagi iyon.
-Hank
Napalunok siya nang ilang beses hanggang sa nakaramdam siya ng panghihina ng mga tuhod. Napaupo siya sa executive chair at binasa ulit ang sulat.
Another apology. No excuses.
Natulala na lang si Blair at inalala ang lahat ng pinagsamahan nila ni Hank. Komplikado man ang relasyon at set-up nilang tatlo nina Hank at Wade noon, si Hank ang pinakamaingat sa kanya.
He didn't force anything to her. He was very naughty yet gentle with her. Kaya siguro, oo. Tama si Jack. Kaya siya nagagalit kay Hank at kinasusuklaman si Wade dahil na-traydor na naman siya ng mga pinagkatiwalaan.
Labis siyang nasaktan siya kasi malapit sa puso niya ang dalawa. Because aside from Venice, Hank and Wade were closest to her since she was seventeen.
Na kahit paghihiganti ang nagbuklod sa kanila, Blair found an ally with them. They pacified and helped her with her revenge. Hindi man maganda ang rason kung bakit sila naging malalapit, nagtiwala siya sa mga ito...
"It feels good," nasambit ni Blair habang pinapanood niya si Jack magluto sa kusina.
Bumaling sa kanya ang asawa habang hinalo-halo pa ang spaghetti sauce. "What feels good?"
"When people apologize to you without excuses. They just say... sorry. Admitted they are in the wrong. At nagsisisi sila. Iyon lang. No excuses."
Tumango-tango ito. "It should always be that way, Blair. We humble ourselves when we apologize. We never justify when we ask for forgiveness. Lahat may rason pero hindi kailangan iyon habang nanghihingi ng tawad. Unless the person we've wronged asked for it."
"I'm sorry, Jacquin."
Napakurap ito. "For what, babe?"
"I'm sorry I had hurt you before. That I chose vengeance over love. Pinagsisisihan ko ang desisyong iyon hanggang sa ngayon," she sadly admitted. "I don't know how many times I've told you these before, but I'm still sorry for keeping about the baby. I wish I could have been strong enough to tell you first."
"I forgive you."
She sighed. "Hindi ka pangit. You're never ugly to me. Hindi ka lousy. You've always been patient and understanding of me. I loved you so much, Jack. Then and now. Sa tuwing nakikita kita sa school noon, nakakalimutan ko lahat ng problema sa pamilya. Nakakalimutan kong malungkot ako kasi lagi akong masaya kapag nasa tabi mo."
"Ah, young love..." he whispered and closed his eyes for a moment. Tinapos na nito ang niluluto bago siya balingan ng buong katawan nito.
"Nakakalimutan ko rin lahat ng pintas at panunukso sa 'kin kapag kasama kita. I always felt like I'm the luckiest guy in school. Because the most beautiful girl holds my hand."
"I'm sorry it was cut short."
Ngumiti ito nang mabait at hinaplos ang daisy hairclip sa kanyang buhok. "Our love stayed through the years, nevertheless. I forgive you, wildflower. I will always do."
Maybe it's true. There's a certain point when you receive so much forgiveness, you wanted to give it to others too. Because it felt so good, it overflows...
She cupped his face and tiptoed to give him a kiss. Jack smiled more happily.
Sa magagandang pares ng mga mata nito, may kaligayahan.
Sa uri ng mga malalambing na titig, may kapayapaan.
Blair wanted that too. The joy and peace within...
And the day came when she finally had to face Wade.
Together with her legal team, Dra. Alicante, Kuya Bari and Jack, they all entered the close-door hearing. Wala namang dedepensa sa kaso. It was only for formalities. At para mapagbigyan si Wade na makausap siya.
Dahil sa kusang pag-amin ni Wade, bababa ang sistensya nito sa kulungan. At kailangan nitong magbayad ng danyos sa kanya. Whatever she asked or what was settled in court.
Hindi alam ni Blair kung anong nararamdaman. She doesn't want things to be overly dramatic. Kaya naman kinakalma niya ang sarili.
Sinamahan siya ni Attorney Del Rio sa pag-upo sa kanang bahagi ng malaki at parihabang lamesa na gawa sa barnished wood. Tumabi ito sa kaliwa niya habang sa kanan ay si Dra. Alicante. She was allowed to bring her psychiatrist for her psychological condition. Matagal na rin nang huli niyang panic attack. They were hoping she would not get a serious attack while on court.
Napalingon siya at nakitang magkatabi na nakaupo ang kapatid at si Jack sa spectator area. Tatlo hanggang limang hakbang lang naman ang layo niyon.
Jack smiled at her. She smiled back and nodded. Bago sila umalis kanina sa condo, hinawakan ni Jack ang mga kamay niya.
"Let's pray for you, babe. Let's ask for God to cover you with strength and peace that only Him who can provide."
"Okay..." Kusang pumikit ang mga mata ni Blair. Although, she has doubts, she's sure that her husband is faithful enough to be heard by God.
Habang taimtim na nagdadasal, dinilat ni Blair ang isang mata at pinanood si Jack. Mariing nakapaikit ito at nagdadasal na para bang nasa tabi lang nila ang Diyos.
May mas ihuhulog pa pala ang puso niya kay Jack. He was bolder in displaying his faith now in front of her. Plus, he's very persistent and kind, kahit na minsan iniirapan o iniikutan niya ito ng mga mata.
"In Jesus' mighty name, amen," pagtatapos nito. At saka dumilat.
She smiled at him. "Amen."
When this is all over, she prayed she can make love with Jack. She wanted to love this man so much and give him all the passion she felt for only him.
Afterall that happened, she still wanted to give him a child. She wanted children, that was still her dream.
Kahit minsan niyang talikuran, tinatawag pa rin siya ng pangarap na iyon. And she only wanted to carry Jasiel Jacquin Valleroso's children.
She still dreamed of their own family picture...
Umayos na ng upo si Blair nang sumunod na pumasok ay ang Kuya Sandro niya. May dalawang escort na pulis sa likod nito at isang abogado. Her brother still claimed he killed the four men. Pero buhay si Wade at ito lang din ang magpapatunay kung totoo ang inaako ng kapatid niya.
Blair watched Alessandro's expression. Tumingin lang ito sandali sa kanya pero wala namang sinabi. Kinalas ang posas sa mga kamay nito bago naupo sa kaparehong side nila ng table. Tatlong upuan ang pagitan nilang magkapatid.
Then, Wade came next. Napakurap pa si Blair dahil ibang-iba ang itsura nito.
Wade was always the charming and well-clothed guy. Alaga nito ang katawan sa gym at healthy ang diet plans. He was always conscious of his physical appearance before.
Hindi niya masasabing mabait ito. Kung si Hank, maingat, si Wade ang agresibo at marahas. Kung walang pinipilit si Hank sa kanya, si Wade ang mahilig siyang ayaing maging boyfriend ulit ito o sumiping dito.
Si Hank ang laging taga-saway kay Wade kapag masyadong madikit sa kanya. Nakikinig si Wade kay Hank. They were lovers before Blair came into the picture.
Napakurap ulit si Blair at tinitigan ang itsura ni Wade ngayon. Bagsak ang katawan nito kahit na presentable ang itsura. Simpleng shirt at pantalon lang ang tanging suot. Hindi ito nakaposas pero may mga pulis na nakabantay sa likod nito katulad ng Kuya Sandro niya.
Huling pumasok ang judge at ang iba pang courtroom clerks. Tumayo ang isang babae sa tabi ng judge para sabihin ang oras at ang pormal na pag-uumpisa ng session. Binasa rin nito ang kaso.
Pinakiramdamang mabuti ni Blair ang sarili. Lalo na nang umupo si Wade sa kabilang parte ng lamesa. Hindi man niya ito katapat ay binabantayan niya ang sariling reaksyon.
To Blair's surprise, she's... okay! So far.
Seeing Wade did not trigger anything. Nang magsalubong ang kanilang mga mata, may pamilyar na emosyon ang mga mata nito.
She saw that before... in her late father's eyes.
Remorse and repentance.
Nagsimula nang magsalita ang abogado ni Wade.
Hindi alam ni Blair kung ano ba talagang matatawag dito. Is this even considered a hearing if there will be no arguments to listen to?
Sumunod na nagsalita ay ang abogado niya. Tinatanggap na marinig ang salaysay ni Wade. Then, Kuya Sandro's lawyer.
Tahimik ang buong paligid. Lalo na nang siya pala ang mag-uumpisang magsalita!
Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga at inalala ang mga bilin sa kanya ng mga abogado sa meetings tungkol sa mga sasabihin niya.
"I'm Christeena Blair Delos Santos. The incident happened almost 7 years ago. Due to the drug consumption and most probably trauma, I can't properly remember the details of the abuse. But I was aware I was coerced into something against my will and rights. I've undergone psychiatric sessions to help me remember for the past years but to no avail. I can only stand here today with my truth that I was violated."
She said that straight and didn't stutter! Dati, halos hindi siya makatapos ng isang sentence nang hindi nahihilo o nanginginig!
Napalingon siya kay Jack. Nakatingin ito sa kanya at tumango. Acknowledging she did well. Pinagpatuloy ni Blair ang pagpapakalma sa sarili.
Matatapos din ito....
Matatapos na 'to...
"Mr. Armedilla is ready to speak."
Sumumpa muna si Wade na puro katotohanan at katotohanan lang ang isasalaysay nito.
"Mr. Armedilla, you surrendered and pleaded guilty when the case was filed against you by the victim's brother, Mr. Ibarra Delos Santos."
"Yes, your honor."
"You hastily admitted to the crime that you sexually assaulted the complainant's sister?"
Tumango si Wade.
"You were not manipulated or forced to surrender yourself?"
Umiling si Wade. "Your honor, I was running for years, trying to hide, and dodge the consequences of my sins. But I came back because..." Bumaling sa kanya si Wade. "Hindi ko kayang labanan ang konsensya ko. Every day was a torture to remember what happened to Blair. She's... very close to me. Nagsisisi po ako."
Kumuyom ang mga kamay ni Blair.
"Nagsisisi po ako. Na kahit hindi na mapapatawad ang kasalanan ko kay Blair, nagsisisi pa rin po ako. Handa akong pagbayaran lahat ng kasalanan ko sa kanya, sa batas, at sa Diyos... Hindi ko na po kayang tumakas pa."
Pinuno niya ng hangin ang dibdib. Wade is not like this...
Niyuko nito ang ulo at pumikit. Nagpipigil ng emosyon.
"I took advantage of that night, January 19, 2008. Three weeks after Blair's father's death, she was grieving tremendously. She took hard drinks and ecstasy to relieve the sadness. I asked her to sleep with me. She agreed and joined me in my hotel room..."
Tumingin sa kanya ang judge. Blair swallowed and nodded. "Hanggang doon lang po ang natatandaan ko..."
"Dinala ko siya sa hotel room ko. We did it for an hour or less. Pero nagalit ako..."
Napakunot noo si Blair. Wala na siyang maalala pagkatapos ng nangyari sa kanila ni Wade.
"Nagalit ka saan, Mr. Armedilla?"
Tahimik ang buong silid.
"She called a different man's name while having sex with me. Napuno ako ng galit at selos. Natapos kami pero hindi ko matanggap. Blair asked me to bring her home. Ayaw niya nang umulit. Hanggang isa lang daw kami... H-Hindi ako pumayag. Pinilit kong maulit at tawagin niya 'ko sa tamang pangalan.
"My pride and ego were hurt. My feelings were hurt. Hindi ko matanggap na ibang lalaki ang iniisip niya habang nakikipagtalik. When she was about to go out of the room, I pulled her back. She screamed but I pinned her down the floor and started to..." Kusang huminto si Wade at napatakip ng mukha. "Para akong sinaniban ng kung ano. Hindi ko alam. Galit na galit ako. I wanted to ruin Blair so she couldn't go back to her precious Jack."
Narinig ang singhap ni Blair sa buong kuwarto. She called Jack's name, then?
Noon pa man, seloso at possessive si Wade. Kaya mas gusto niya si Hank na kasama. Pero hindi naman laging ganoon si Wade kaya naging malapit pa rin siya rito.
At isa pa... lagi niya ring naaalala na kinama ng ama nito ang Mama niya. That their parents fucked for business. At nandidiri si Blair, nagagalit sa tuwing iniisip iyon. Kaya kahit naging boyfriend niya si Wade noon, hindi siya pumayag na ikama nito. She did it with her other ex-boyfriends, even Hank, pero hindi kay Wade.
That night was the first... And he became greedy!
"You raped her because you couldn't stand that she called another man's name?" ulit ng judge.
"Y-Yes, your honor. I was full of anger and jealousy. But I know it's not right. Pero pinilit ko pa rin. Gusto kong makita ako ni Blair. Gusto kong ako ang iniisip niya... I was obsessed with her from the very start."
"How many times did you forced her?"
Pumikit si Wade at tuluyan nang tumulo ang luha. "Just one... The drug that Blair took, I noticed it made her unresponsive. Hindi na siya lumalaban. She was already high... Then I called my cousin Walter and his friends..."
"You called them to join you?!" Sigaw ni Blair sa gulat ng lahat at napatayo. "You called them for a group sex?! That's your kink, Wade! You called them to join you in fucking me while I'm high on drugs?! Ganoon ang ginawa niyo sa 'kin?!"
Mabilis siyang inalalayan ni Dra. Alicante at ni Attorney Del Rio.
"Calm down, Miss Delos Santos."
"I'm sorry, Blair..." Wade cried, tears flowing. "That was my plan, yes. But I changed my mind in the middle. When we transferred to a different hotel, Walter, Raul, and Tyrone started to touch you, but I couldn't stand it! I couldn't share you! Pinigilan ko sila nang napansin kong nagsisimula ka na ulit lumaban. But Walter was angry at you, too. Hindi ko alam, Blair! He was your schoolmate and you dumped him way back. Galit din siya sa Jack mo. Kayo daw ang sumira ng pamilya nila, ng mga negosyo nila. He wanted revenge. Lalo na ng nakipaglandian ka na raw sa kanila pero bigla ka namang tumigil. They were played and were angrier. Pinigilan ako ni Tyrone at Raul habang nagsisimula na si Walter na ilayo ka at hawakan—"
Natigil si Wade nang mabilis na tumayo si Kuya Sandro at marahas itong naabot sa leeg. "Mga putangina niyo!"
Mabilis na pumigil ang mga pulis at inilayo si Kuya Sandro kay Wade.
"Sana ako na lang ang mismong nagbaon sa inyo sa lupa!" sigaw nito. "Walang kapatawaran ang ginawa niyo sa kapatid ko! Masusunog tayong lahat sa impiyerno pero kapag nagkita-kita tayo roon, pahihirapan ko pa kayong lalo!"
Blair's tears flowed by her brother's anger. Nang lumingon siya, nakayuko na si Jack kaya hindi niya makita ang ekspresyon nito. Kuya Bari was holding his own chest. Humahagod na parang nahihirapan na namang huminga. Tumayo ito at lumabas ng kuwarto.
Inilabas din si Kuya Sandro ng mga pulis. The judge ordered for Wade to continue.
"Did your cousin successfully assaulted Miss Delos Santos with penetration, Mr. Armedilla?"
Pumikit si Blair, hinanda ang sarili sa katotohanan...
Ito na... This could trigger her, again. Wade already admitted that he forced her. At sina Walter naman...
"Hindi po."
Napadilat si Blair at nanlaki ang mga mata.
"Lumaban ako bago pa may mangyari. Walter asked them to screw Blair all together. Doon ako mas nagalit, mabilis na nag-isip ng paraan. Bago pa sila makalapit kay Blair, nagkunwari akong gusto ko na ring sumali. Pinakawalan nila agad ako. I saw that opportunity..."
"Opportunity for what, Mr. Armedilla?" the judge probed when Wade stopped talking. Umiiyak na ulit ito.
He tried to... save her?
"Hinampas ko ng vase sa ulo si Raul, then I stabbed the broken piece over Tyrone's stomach. They were both knocked out instantly."
Napasinghap maging ang mga kalmadong abogado. Even Dra. Alicante was shocked at the big turn of events.
Napalingon siya kay Jack at ganoon din ang reaksyon nito katulad sa mga tao doon.
"Walter was surprised. Nilabanan niya rin ako. But maybe, I was stronger that I knocked him unconscious, too. I wanted Blair to get out of there... At the very last minute, I just want to protect Blair..." Huminto na naman si Wade at muling humagulgol na puno nang pagsisisi.
"I was the one who sent the text message to her brother using her phone. Tinulak ko si Blair na tumakas at lumayo doon nang magising siya pagkatapos ng kalahating oras o mahigit.
"She was in shock when he saw the three men on the floor and the blood in my hand. She started crying and screamed for help. Nagtatakbo siya palabas ng kuwarto. Sinundan ko siya pero nakita kong nandoon na ang kapatid niyang si Alessandro Delos Santos kaagad."
Napakurap si Blair. Lumitaw bigla sa isip ang memoryang iyon. Wade did push her to go and she panicked when she saw the blood in his hand! Nakahandusay din at walang malay na sina Walter, Tyrone, at Raul...
Nagtatakbo siya sa takot habang kumot lang ang nakatapis sa katawan. Nakasalubong niya si Kuya Sandro at desperado siyang humingi ng tulong, nagsumbong...
"I was suddenly scared because I put Blair in that situation. Sinubukan kong tumakas sa mga tauhan ni Alessandro Delos Santos. Pero nahuli din nila ako kasama nina Walter..." pagpapatuloy ni Wade.
"We were all buried in the ground alive. I heard them crying for help, lalo na ang pinsan ko." Lalo itong napahagulgol. "Hindi ko alam kung paano kong nagawang makaahon mula sa lupa. Hindi ko sila tinulungan kahit naririnig ko pa sila sa ilalim ng lupa. Tumakbo ako nang malayong malayo. Nagtago nang nagtago..."
Hindi na nakapagsalita pa si Wade dahil sa tindi nang emosyon nito. Halos hindi ito mapatahan at hindi na makasalita ng maayos.
The judge decided to take a break. Pagbalik ay babasahin na ang hatol kay Wade at kung magkanong danyos ang dapat nitong bayaran.
Agad niyang naramdaman sa likod niya si Jack. Niyakap siya nito nang mahigpit na mahigpit.
Binaon niya ang mukha sa dibdib nito. Hindi niya pa napo-proseso nang maigi ang mga inilahad ni Wade but she... finally faced this tragedy, fearlessly.
"Jack..." Tiningala niya ito.
"You are brave, wildflower. I fell in love with you more."
Blair broke down inside his arms. Jack held her with the love he's been giving her since the very beginning.
Before the day ended, Wade Armedilla was convicted guilty and will be imprisoned for 25 to 30 years. He must, also, pay her millions of pesos for all the damages.
Walang ring pamilya o kamag-anak nina Walter, Tyrone, at Raul ang nagsampa ng kahit anong kaso laban kay Kuya Sandro.
Later on, nalaman nilang sangkot pala sa isang notorious drug syndicate sina Walter at ang mga kaibigan nito. Ang sindikatong iyon ang kalaban ng mga Octavio—another notorious syndicate that Alessandro Delos Santos led before.
Matagal na palang target ang mga ito ng kapatid niya. But the thirst to kill became more personal for Sandro because Blair was suddenly involved.
And knowing his brother's abused story, it triggered him badly. Sandro killed for Blair. No apologies.
***
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