⚠️Mentions of Blood, death, abuse and PTSD⚠️
"Y/n what does she mean murdered? You said she died, nothing about being murdered." I think I hear restraint in Wanda's voice, she's mad at me again. I'm sure of it.
"I mean I guess you could call it murder. That's what the man is going down for." I shrug nonchalantly.
"Y/n what man?" I jump a little when I hear Natasha's voice forgetting that she is a part of the little huddle on the floor.
"The man and his crazy fucking boss." I explain like it's the simplest thing in the world.
"Y/n you're not making any sense."
"The man that killed my wife and child is going down for murder, his boss is going down for plotting said murder. It's easy enough to understand, is it not? 1 man paid another man to kill my wife and child because of something I did!" My voice raises as I become a little hostile towards the two women and I don't realise what I've said until it's too late.
"You still blame yourself." It's not a question but a statement that leaves Wanda's lips. "This is what was going on between you and Loki, wasn't it? Whatever happened he blamed you for it all. Y/n none of this is your fault, you told me so yourself."
"I know that. Deep down I do, I do, I do. I do. I do. I didn't kill her. I didn't kill her. I didn't kill her. I...I...I….I didn't…..I didn't…..I didn't….kill. I didn't kill her." My voice fills with hatred towards myself because the more I say it the less I believe it.
I didn't kill her.
No.
Yes.
No, I didn't kill her.
Yes, I got her killed.
My brain keeps going in circles over and over, a constant battle of what I did and didn't do. The pain I did, or didn't cause. How I got my own wife and child killed. How it's all my fault. How none of it is my fault. It's a viscous cycle that won't just end, it's keeps going and going and going and going and going and fucking going. And then when it seems to have quietened down and I have a split second to think about where I am in reality I'm sucked back into the void, the endless void where I see my wife holding my child in the hospital bed with that amazing smile on her face.
"Baby we did it. Look at our baby girl. My little Stark. My beautiful girl, you have your mama's eyes."
My wife looks up to me and the Hospital bed is thrown across the void, the scene changing before I can even comprehend that I'm being pulled towards them. Their lifeless bodies, covered in each other's blood. Covered in my blood. Glass and metal shards embedded in their skin, their eyes white with no ray of life visible. Not even a slither. I lean down to close my little girl's eyes, before moving towards my wife. I place my hand on her forehead staring into her lifeless eyes, my two fingers pull down over her eyelids.
"It's your fault." My body jerks back as my wife's body comes to life, her cold broken hand gripping onto my wrist leaving bright red marks. "It's all your fault."
Before she can do anything else I see two white lights flickering above me, the darkness of the void momentarily lights up and I see a hint of red….maybe some green too. Then darkness….
I jerk awake, the harsh white lights blinding my eyes as I scramble to sit up struggling for breath. I slam my eyes shut to protect them from the white light, I feel a pair of hands on me but I shove them away mine fly to my chest as I feel the tightness of it. Everything stops when I hear a voice. Her voice.
"Y/n it's just me. It's Wanda." Her voice sounds hoarse. Has she been crying?
I slowly open my eyes allowing them to adjust to the light, as they dart around the room to try and identify where I am because I am most definitely not in Tony's office anymore. I hear a rapid beeping and turn my head to look at a machine, a heart monitor, I'm in a hospital. How the fuck did I get here? What the fuck is going on? The last thing I remember is, is my wife staring at me with those lifeless eyes. I look up to see Wanda's worried eyes on mine, she hasn't moved since I opened mine, she hasn't attempted to touch me, her hands on the railing of the hospital bed. It must have been her hands I pushed away. I slap my lips together swallowing saliva to try and wet my throat and lips.
"Can I touch you Y/n?" My throat is too dry and sore to reply so I just nod my head rapidly.
Wanda stands from the hospital chair, slowly placing her left hand on my right hand. She doesn't hold it, or try and squeeze it, she just rests her palm on the back of my hand. The instant I felt the skin on skin contact I let out a shaky breath, my bottom lip quivering as my eyes filled with tears as they looked at Wanda's tear stained cheeks, her red and puffy eyes. But she was smiling, it wasn't a fake 'try to make you feel better' smile. This smile was real. It was genuine. It gave me the strength to turn my hand in hers, our palms coming into contact with one another as I slide my fingers in the gaps between hers and squeeze it. Holding on with all I am.
Wanda let's out an small laugh, as she bites her lip to contain the huge smile trying to grow on her face. Her eyes darting down to look at our hands, they glisten a little at the sight before they look back up into mine.
"Hi baby." Her voice is soothing, I could fall asleep listening to her talk, the hoarseness is still there but I'm way too distracted by her smile to notice.
"Hi…" The words get stuck in my throat as I cough at how dry it is.
Before I can even ask, Wanda leans over to the table next to my bed, her free hand picking up the cup as she holds the straw between two fingers and places it between my lips. I take a few big sips, and it hurts more as it goes down my throat then when it was just dry. Because that makes sense. After I have finished off the cup, Wanda pulls the straw from between my lips placing the cup back down on the table. Her other hand remained in mine the whole time.
"Hi princess." She smiles widely as a few tears fall down her cheeks.
"Hey my sweet girl. I love you so much." Wanda's free hand comes up to cup my cheek, instantly I tilt my head leaning into the touch.
"Did I black out?"
"You did baby, yeah. You kept repeating yourself and me and Natasha couldn't even get you to look at us or even hear us. So Natasha went to get Stark, who phoned your sister who then told us to phone your therapist. And while all that was happening you collapsed in my arms and I was on the phone to 911."
"Sounds very dramatic even for me." Wanda laughs and I beam up at her when I hear it.
"Even though that's funny, it's not the time for jokes." Her eyebrows almost touch as they scrunch with worry, her eyes filling with new tears. "You scared me baby. I didn't know what to do, nothing I was doing was working."
"Hey, hey." I squeeze her hand, bringing my other one up to hold hers against my cheek more. "There was nothing you could have done."
"There has to be something I could have done. Baby you looked so helpless and I felt awful not being able to help you."
"Princess come here for me." I shuffle my body to the left side of the bed patting the small space I created.
Wanda raises her eyebrows at me but easily follows my directions, carefully placing her body next to mine. Her body is positioned higher than normal as her head rests at the top of my arm looking down at my chest as her right hand draws random shapes. Her left one is still holding mine as our arms connect with each other. Wanda looks up at me through her eyelashes, I am just looking at her taking in the sight of the red-headed goddess next me. The very same goddess who is looking after me, making sure I'm okay, making sure she knows how to help in the future.
"Wanda you wouldn't have been able to help me because I had a severe PTSD episode." Her eyes never leave my face, she frowns slightly at my words but let's me continue. "I haven't had one in maybe 10 months, then before that it was probably 2 months. Both those times I was with steph. Both of those times she thought I was playing the crazy card. The first time it happened she tried to get me to snap out of it by tapping my cheeks, when that didn't work it turned to a big ole slap. I mean that worked. But it meant that the second time my brain completely shut down to the outside world until I passed out. So that's what happened today, it's not because of anything you did or didn't do, it's because of…."
"Her." Wanda's voice is harsh, her tone sharp not mentioning her name.
"I've been working on it."
"With your therapist?" Her voice is unassuming as her whole mood does a whole 180.
"Yeah. I've been going ever since the accident."
"And then she added to the trauma?"
"Yup." I pop the p as I smile down at Wanda.
"Sorry for interrupting with all the questions." I feel her hand slide down my chest towards my abdomen where she starts drawing a random pattern.
"What do you want to know?" Wanda moves her head so her chin is resting on my arm, her eyes searching mine as she thinks quietly to herself.
"Tell me about Sarah." Her voice filled with excitement as her nose scrunches.
"What about Sarah do you wish to know?"
"Hmm. How did you two meet?" Wanda lifts her body up slightly, pushing herself down the bed a little, moving her head to hover over my chest looking at me for permission.
I nod my head in answer to her silent question, her head lowers to my chest, her chin resting gently on my sternum as she looks up at me. Her whole body is on mine as her legs wrap themselves with mine, her torso on my lower abdomen and waist. I feel her let out a content sigh as her hand that's on my abdomen moves back up to my chest. Our hands, that are still tightly gripped together, are resting on the pillow so it is comfortable enough for both of us.
"How did me and Sarah meet?" I feel her nod against my chest.
"Please baby. I want to listen to the whole story."
"Okay princess." Wanda moves her right arm to bend underneath her head as she rests her cheek on her forearm, her fingers still lightly drawing shapes and patterns.
2014
I'm walking through the halls of NYU, yes I am at the University at the age of 14 -soon to be 15- I'm just that smart. I finished highschool this year and am looking around the science study areas. Luckily, I'm quite tall and with the help of a little makeup I look like I fit right in. I'm being shown around by some student council member or something, they were very proud of their title...don't tell them but I definitely ended up rolling my eyes at it.
They push open door 10a, the class of students all turn to look at me before looking back to the lecturer. My eyes search the room as everyone sits in their lab coats preparing for the experiment on the board. It is an acid and base experiment, one I could do with my eyes closed but the lecturer is explaining it in baby talk to them.
"Can anyone tell me how the hydrochloric acid and sodium hydroxide will react together?" The lecturer looks at the class.
"Will it lead to a neutral solution?" The lecturer raises an eyebrow at the boy who asked the question.
"Mr Rumlow I said can anyone tell me not can anyone ask a question." I smirk as the boy slouched down in his chair.
"Come on, anyone. This is basic science." The lecturer places his fingers on the bridge of his nose. "Imbeciles."
"The result will lead to a rise in temperature and the formation of salt also known as sodium chloride. Water is also a product of the reaction." I state matter-of-factly.
"See that's what I'm asking for class. What's your name miss?"
"Y/n. Y/n Danvers."
Now you have to remember at this point, even though I was living with the Barton family I had not yet been adopted so I still had my maiden name.
"Well Miss Danvers." I grimace at the use of the name the lecturer seems to realise. "Sorry Miss Y/n. I'm Professor Stark or as everyone calls me Howard. So Miss Y/n could you explain to the class what type of reaction this is?"
"Sure! It's a neutralisation reaction where sodium hydroxide is the base. The Na+ being the cation. The hydrochloric acid is obviously the acid with the Cl- being the anion which means the sodium and chlorine will bond together while the hydrogen and oxygen bond together. Henceforth you get salt and water."
"Thank you Miss Y/n. You're one of the two young students, correct?"
"Yes sir. I don't know where the other person is thou…" I get interrupted by someone else entering the room.
"Hi sorry I am late, my car broke down." The young girl starts rambling.
"I don't want excuses Miss Potts." Howard is stern and it makes Miss Potts scowl.
"Sorry Sir. Sarah is fine."
"Sarah this is Y/n the other young student starting today. Y/n and Sarah you will be lab partners throughout this whole semester. I hope your work is as good as they say it is."
"Of course Sir." Sarah is quick to make her way to the only free desk, leaving a space for me.
"Is there a reason you are still standing Y/n?" I look back to Howard and nod.
"Yes sorry, I just have to hand you this." I make my way to his desk handing a note over that explains a little about my current situation if I am ever late or falling asleep in class.
I may be living with the Barton family, but that doesn't mean I have escaped my own. He simply nods and points to the free chair next to Sarah, which I scurry over to bringing out my book and notepad. Sarah on the other hand brings out a brand new laptop and tablet that sync up with one another, a smug look on her face.
"So. How did you get accepted into NYU so early?" Her smugness is really pissing me off already and I have to work with her for the whole semester.
"On scholarship." I reply like it's no big deal.
"Yeah right. Like someone like you could make it into a programme like this." She scoffs next to me.
"What exactly do you mean by that? What sort of person am I?" I keep my voice calm and measured, raising a simple eyebrow her way.
"You know." She flicks her hands towards my notebook. "Poor people."
"Oh and little Miss daddy buys me everything, definitely isn't here because her grandads the lecturer." She scowls at me, turning her chair that makes a horrible noise against the floor, making everyone laugh, so she can look directly at me, my voice quiet as we argue at the back of the room trying not to draw attention to ourselves.
"What do you mean by that?" She spits her words at me.
"Mr grand daddy dearest, up the front there. You see him. Big nose greying hair. Oh right you know that already because you have known him your whole life. Anyway, how much did grand daddy dearest pay the board to get you to come here. Was it full price or do you get a family and friends discount?" Her eyes dart to look at Howard at the front of the room, then back to me.
"How did you know he was my grandfather?" Her voice softens, afraid the rest of the class might hear.
"It's not that difficult to tell. His son, Tony -also known as your dad- is married to Pepper potts. Your surname is potts. Also you have his eyes."
"Oh shut up and get on with your work." She turns in her chair to start up her laptop."
"You're not the boss of me. I can do whatever the fuck I like." Her head turns on a swivel, giving up on turning her laptop on her undivided attention to me.
"Yeah like what." I smirk and see her eyes drop to look at my lips and my smirk only grows. I lean in closer so my breath tickles her face.
"Telling you how if you're a good girl and get on with the work this semester there may be a fun reward at the end." I hear her breath catch in her throat and I try not to laugh, this is too easy.
"Yeah, well what would the reward be?" She tries to act cool after her little breathing mishap.
"Still trying to think of something, well I can think of something…"
"But?"
"But you will just have to be good and find out won't you." She grumbles to herself but I catch her readjusting in her seat. Ha I win!
Present day
"So wait, you're telling me you knew she would be into that sort of thing and you played her weakness against her?" Wanda's question makes me laugh out loud, covering my mouth so I'm not laughing in her face.
"It was a gamble, that paid off."
"Well you did end up marrying her."
"I did."
"So was it like an enemies to lovers sort of thing?"
"Even though that is an overused storyline sometimes yes we very much didn't get on at first. I continued to fluster her, she continued to fight me against every little thing."
"What changed?"
"Her grandad was chewing her out for not getting the same grades as me, and I only beat her by a few marks each time. So one time when we had a test I completely flunked it got a 0 out of 100 and when I was the one being chewed out I put him in his place saying 'you can't pick and choose between fighting me and your granddaughter because we both have our different strengths I failed this test to show you that you're pitting us against one another. Your granddaughter got the same marks as last time but because I got 0 I am the one in trouble. We may not get along, me and Sarah not properly but it isn't fair on her to have her role model bare down on her everytime my strength shows through. So until you can learn to keep your anger and god-like complex in check I will keep failing.' What I didn't realise was that Sarah heard the whole thing and that night she came to my dorm crying happy tears and hugged me. And from there on we became more than friends to one another, it took time and patience but we got there."
"Wow. That's quite the beginning for a love story."
"It was you're right...but I like the way our story started the most." Wanda's eyes shine brightly at my words as she lifts her head to look down at me.
"Really? Ours was nothing compared to that."
"It was everything compared to that."
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Word count: 3432
So.....I quite like how I ended this chapter. What do you guys think?
Also guess who had to open up a new Google doc to write this chapter, because 100'000 words in one document tends to crash your phone? That's right me 🙄🙄🥲