Have you ever wanted to cry but no tears came out , so you just stare blankly into space while feeling your heart break into pieces ?
That's what I've always felt. Every day, my heart screams for help .
Asking anyone to open my cage and help me to spread my wings .
I want to fly, I want to be free .
Everyday, my passion for life is fading. There was a big shadow enveloped in me, it wrapped me like a blanket but it slowly choked my whole body.
It never stopped whispering words that weakened every single part of me.
I'm exhausted, I'm drowning, I'm devastated .
Sometimes , i just wanna go on a roadtrip with someone i love . I wanna get away .
Explore places , sleep in the car , stop a lot just to admire the view , try a lot of coffee shops , have a polaroid camera , take pretty pictures of han river , take a picture of me , run through a forest , chase fog , chase the sun , spend hours on a field to make a flower crown , feel the wind in my hair ,
I wanna make memories , i wanna alive .
I closed off all easy roads leading to me ,
But i'm reachable if you're willing to go extra mile .
This book is still not finished but I decided to go early ,
Please forgive me .
I can't hold on any longer .
My energy is absorbed, every day is like hell for me .
I don't pay attention to the world ending ,
It has ended for me many times and begin again in the next morning .
I wish i could throw off the thoughts which poison my happiness .
And yet , i take a kind of pleasure in indulging them .
I am forever chained to myself , that's what i am .
And that's what i must try to live with .
I hope i never get tired of the night sky , of the thunderstorms ,
of watching cream make galaxies in my coffee .
I hope i never grow to be someone who can no longer see the small beautiful things .
But I was wrong, I was no longer enjoying the view on the peaceful han river .
I felt empty .
As my story came to a close i realized that i was the villain all along ....
Lee Heeseung ,
i don't know when or how you crept slowly in to my life .
All i know is you are everywhere in every hour of my day ,
in a second or two a thought of you . And i seem to get lost so easily in your smile
or within a small memory of how your voice sounds like when you're happy .
I don't know how or why but i miss you , i miss you all of the time .
You're special to me , you're the only one who i wouldn't mind losing sleep for ,
the only one who i can never get tired of talking to , the only one who crosses my mind constantly throughout the day .
You're the only one who can make me smile without the intention to and affect my emotions with every action of yours .
I can't explain with just words how much you mean to me but ,
you're the only one i'm afraid of losing and the one i want to keep in my life .
You know me better than anyone else, you never fail to comfort me .
Forgive me for leaving you suddenly .
Forgive me for breaking our promise .
I know that good bye hurts when the story is not finished yet ,
And the book has been closed .
I didn't leave because i stopped loving you ,
I left because the longer i stayed , the less i loved myself.
Lee Heeseung ,
I love you
Forgive me for not saying this by my own .
But I'm sincere, I love you .
You helped me to stop wearing my fake mask, you always made me feel happy .
When I'm in your embrace, I feel nothing but home and loved .
You're precious to me , Lee .
Please don't be sad and blame yourself about my departure .
It's not your job to save me ,
I decided to leave by my own .
Lee, please pursue your dream ,
I want to see you succeed ,
Since I can no longer pursue my dream, I want you to succeed with your dream .
Remember, I will always see you from above ,
I love you ,
Lee Heeseung .
-haru-
-Back to the present-
Heeseung closed Haru's notebook and sighed. He closed his eyes tightly causing droplets of tears to fall on his cheeks .
The male pinched the bridge of his nose, "You are so cruel for all this, Haru"
"Why do you keep everything to yourself if you have me? "
"I am ready to listen to all your expressions"
"I'm ready to hug you if you cry"
"But it was too late"
"You have been gone forever"
"But you never die in my mind ,
and my heart ,
Jung Haru ,"
Heeseung looked out the window, he wanted fresh air . The male stood up, picking his guitar before exiting the chalet.
Heeseung sat on a bench outside his chalet . He hugged the guitar that Haru gave tightly in his arms .
This guitar is the last gift from Haru. The guitar is always slung over his shoulders when they hangout .
The moment where he left his old guitar to save Haru proved his love to her.
He gazed his vision to the dark yet calming sky , the sky looks different when you got someone you love up there .
When we lose someone we love , we must learn not to live without them but to live with the love they left behind .
It's hard to turn the page when you know someone won't be in the next chapter , but the story must go on .
"Haru , heave is too far away ,"
"The deepest pain i have ever felt is your absence ,"
"I haven't heard your voice for years but my heart has conversations with you everyday ,"
"I miss you all the time , i know in my head that you had gone . The only difference is that i'm getting used to the pain ,
It's like discovering a great hole in the ground . To begin with , you forgot it's there and keep falling in .
And after a while , it's still there but you learn how to walk around it"
The male paused for a while when a raindrop hit his cheek, Heeseung touched his cheek and looked up to the dark sky.
"if there is a raindrop falling on our cheek, it means someone from heaven misses us. It's like a kiss from them"
His lips curved up into a tiny smile , Haru's words played in his mind. In the past, he said it was just nonsense when Haru told him about that ,
but it feels real now. Haru misses him too, Haru is looking at him from above .
"I hope i'm making you proud up there in the heaven , Haru"
"I love you too , Jung Haru "
-the end-
A/N : Hold On has officially ended. Thanks for reading, leaving comments and voting for every chapters! You all are my source of enthusiasm to keep writing ~
See you in my next book. Next member is, Yang Jungwon 😎❤️