Mina isn't selfish. Mina isn't bad. Mina is nice, and caring, and is not a jerk. Nayeon tells her that all the time. Many people tells her that all the time. And Mina tries to believe it.
She tries to shut off her mind and think the way they think. She looks at the mirror and tries to see the way they see. She scolds her heart and tries to feel the way they feel. She tries, but nothing works, and she only feels awful for it.
Her head spins, her heart tightens, her stomach churns, and she really wish it'd stop. It happens all the time.
She locks herself in her room. Nayeon knocks, and she feels reluctant to get up, but she feels terrible. Nayeon cares so much for her, how can she not let her in? Is this how a nice person should act like?
Of course not.
"Coming!" Her voice nearly cracks, and she nearly burst into tears. Nothing emotional is happening, yet she feels like breaking down already. Everything has just been too much lately, and it's becoming harder to contain her emotions. She's being more and more of a bad person as time passes by, and it's scaring her to show up to the world.
Fear rises up as she spreads a smile on her face, skeptical if, in any way, it reveals she's falling apart. She's hiding from the one she loves, and she knows it's not right. The look written in Nayeon's faces tells her so. It grinds her heart into bits.
Nayeon never puts on a mask, never one to create a facade. She's worried, very, and it shows. "Mina-ya..."
"Hey—" It takes her aback when Nayeon swings her arms around her, face on her neck, before she can say anything. "Are you okay?"
Nayeon tightens the hug, and Mina immediately feels like melting, her knees weakens, and those giant walls begins to crumble. She can't take it anymore. "Nayeon-ah..."
Quiet sniffs takes over the atmosphere. Mina's shirt begins to soak in tears. Nayeon's clinging onto her arms. Mina regrets it. When her emotions gets the best of her, she makes bad decisions. She regrets it.
She shouldn't have, she swears. It was so immature of her to end things with Nayeon through a simple text, and she can't believe she has took pride over being more mature than Nayeon is.
She should say sorry. She should give comfort. She should take things back.
But memories flashes right before her, and it's making her insane. She can't remember when's the last time she made Nayeon smile or kissed her forehead or replied to her texts. She has hurt Nayeon through the little things that was once special to them, and she knows Nayeon holds it deep in her heart.
"I'm sorry." A lump stays stuck in her throat. "I'm sorry, but I mean it this time. Nayeon-ah, you should stop dating me. Let's stop this now. I'm too hurt to love you, and you're hurting too much in loving me."
Nayeon has all of Mina's heart, she swears, but when it comes to love, feelings aren't the only thing that matters. And Mina knows she barely gives Nayeon anything.
Love isn't enough when you love someone.