Never in my life, I had thought that sleeping over at someone's house would make me this nervous. And here I was, almost shaking. Damn, I was even more dramatic than I thought.
It wasn't like I didn't know the person, in fact I knew him very well. Mikey was my boyfriend so it would be pretty weird if I didn't know him.
But the point was, that I would spend the night today with him for the first time. And God, I was nervous. Not because I feared that Mikey wanted to do things; he was way too sweet to even try anything as long as I wasn't completely comfortable.
The problem at hand wasn't exactly a problem and more me overreacting. We sure were sleeping in the same bed and my wonderful brain was offering me every possible variation of how I could fuck up. What if I talked in my sleep? What if I made strange noises? Or kicked him in the balls? Or generally moved around too much?
Ah, the fun of being an over thinker.
"Darling?" Mikey stood suddenly in front of me.
I squeaked embarrassingly and blushed deeply. And my boyfriend laughed. Thanks a lot.
"Yes?" I tried to sound casual but I was almost ninety percent sure that it didn't work.
Arms were wrapped around my waist as Mikey moved us to his bed and nuzzled his face into my neck. "Where were you?"
"Here?"
A kiss to my neck. Not expectant of anything sexual, just soft and full of love. Damn, I was so smitten with this guy. And we had been together for only a month.
"Yeah, physically. Where was that cute little mind of yours? I have tried to get your attention for the last ten minutes now," Mikey complained with a smile in his voice.
That certainly didn't help the blush that now travelled down my neck as well. "Uhm, nowhere important. What did you want?"
My boyfriend raised his head to look at me. He didn't believe me but let it rest for the moment and nudged me gently to the headrest so we could lean against it. "Okay, Darling. I was just checking whether you were alright and if you wanted to watch a movie. The night is young and I'm not the least bit tired."
"A movie sounds awesome," I agreed and pulled the blanket up and over my legs.
While I got more comfortable, Mikey rolled out of bed to get more snacks and his laptop.
As he came back, I held up the blanket for him to crawl underneath and opened my arms and legs. Mikey took the invitation and sat down in front of me with his back against my front. His head rested near my collar bone as he was moved down a little. Perfect angle for me to play with his hair. Mikey was due to a haircut but honestly I liked how long it was at the moment.
While Mikey started the movie and immediately was engrossed in the story, I softly played with his hair and made a few tiny braids. By now, my nerves had calmed down again and I was actually getting a little drowsy.
Mikey leaned into my touch and hummed quietly. "Feels good, Darling."
"Thank you," I grinned and placed a kiss on the top of his head.
"You're makin' me sleepy," he mumbled and turned his head lightly to rub it against my neck.
I giggled. "What about the night being young?"
At first Mikey only grunted tiredly. But then, he pulled together some strength to switch off the movie and cast the laptop to the side. "Don't care. Sleep?"
His tired, scratchy voice sent shivers down my spine and I nodded. Suddenly, I wasn't so tired anymore and got nervous again as Mikey grabbed his sleepwear and went to the bathroom.
What was a small gesture of giving me privacy soon turned into an opportunity to dwell on my insecurities again. Did I drool in my sleep? How would I know? God, it would be so embarrassing to drool on him. And what faces did I do at night?
Just as Mikey walked back in the room, I made the decision to fall asleep after him so he wouldn't see my face. Perfect.
Getting ready took almost double the time it did normally, again accompanied by worries. Was an oversized t-shirt and a leggings appropriate things to wear? I was sleeping at my boyfriend's, shouldn't I have something more revealing? Or more covered up as we hadn't gone this far by now? It did show a lot of my collar bone...
"Y/N? Are you okay in there?" Mikeys soft voice came through the bathroom door.
I shook myself out of it and spit the toothpaste into the sink. I had been staring at my reflection for definitely too long mow. "Yeah, sorry."
Relieved, I noticed that Mikey was wearing equally casual clothes, an old shirt too and some sweatpants. And he was smiling that cute little smile I had fallen in love with. It made my insecurities disappear for long enough to smile back.
Then, we walked back to his room and stood in front of the bed only the tiniest bit awkward. But Mikey was awkward too so I felt better.
And then he snorted. "This is so weird. Come on, let's just lie down."
So we did this. For a moment, we only looked into each others eyes, still on top of the creased blankets and then erupted into giggles again.
"We're so awkward," I exclaimed and moved closer to him at the same time.
Mikey nodded and put his arm under my head so I could rest it in the crook of his neck. "Yup. But I wouldn't want it any other way. Can we move around though? That's kind of uncomfortable."
"Sure but uhm, how?" I asked and cringed at my own voice.
Before I could beat up myself too much, Mikey tilted his head to look at me and pouted. "You move on your back so I can lay my head on your chest?"
"Okay," I breathed out and rolled back around.
Then, my boyfriend shuffled over to me on his stomach and made cute little noises, that made me laugh in return. It was almost like he knew what kind of thoughts were running through my head and decided to distract me with silly antics. I swore that I was falling harder for him by the second.
And then, we were comfortable. Mikey had his head on my chest and both of his arms wrapped around my waist somehow. My one hand was playing with his hair again while the other was placed on his back.
I could feel him breathe and I was sure that he could hear my heartbeat speed up as worries crept back into my head. There was so much that could go wrong. One jerk of my knee and Mikey would ball up in pain.
"Hey Darling, it's alright. What are you worried about?" Mikey asked and moved his head to look up at me.
I sighed, knowing that I wouldn't get away from answering this time. "It's stupid, really."
Just like I thought, Mikey didn't give up. Stubborn Ways. "I don't care. You're extremely tired and still your heart feels like you just ran a marathon. It's okay if you don't want to sleep here, I can take the couch or make Gerard drive you-"
"No!" That was the last thing I wanted. "No, it's just... I worry too much. Like that I could knee you in the balls on accident or might make weird faces or something like this."
Instead of laughing, like I was certain he would, Mikey only kissed my exposed collar bone gently. "Darling, Y/N, you don't worry too much. That's okay and to be honest, I would be lying if I said that I dodi think about this too. But it's so much better to focus on the better things. Like, for me it feels so great to have you in my arms or be in yours and that's something I had been looking forward to for so long now and I don't want to let this get weird by my insecurities. Or yours. You're perfect the way you are and I couldn't wish for someone else to be here with me."
And like this, I had tears in my eyes. Goddammit, Mikey was really the sweetest person on this whole planet. I couldn't bring myself to answer so I only kissed the top of his head again and tightened my grip on him, hoping that it would show him what I was unable to say for now.
Mikey seemed to get it as I felt him smile on my skin. My heartbeat had calmed down again what didn't go unnoticed by my boyfriend. "And all problems aside, I really really want to sleep right now."
"Me too, Baby," I murmured and moved the hand in his hair to his neck as I adjusted my position in the pillows slightly.
So I switched off the light and closed my eyes. Mikey's breathing slowed down almost immediately and I let this steady sound lull me to sleep as well.
---
Happy Valentine's Day! (Let's just ignore that it's past midnight for me and I'm technically late)
I hope you all have a great day whether you spend it somewhere with a loved one or alone in your room with lots of chocolate (like me).
Love you guys and stay safe💜