To the Shadowsinger | Azriel

Chapter 57: A single hug

 "Where are you going?" Azriel followed Harani to the balcony as she slipped on a thick coat.

He explained everything that happened with the wraith and lightsinger, and after Harani hyperventilated for a few minutes, she said something about lovers. He wasn't sure if it was code for something or if the mother had lost her mind a bit.

"I'll be back within the hour," she said before doing something Azriel didn't expect- she turned into a large white bird and flew away. At first, he thought she was just a normal shifter like the High Lord of the Spring Court or Wylla, but then he realized he recognized the kind of bird.

He was speechless. Harani could turn into a caladrius, a bird often kept by rulers that have the ability to remove sickness or disease with a single look. Of course Caius would have one, Azriel just didn't expect it to be Harani.

Lightsingers, wraiths, and now a caladrius, what else did his mate's country have to throw in his way? He shook his head with a small smile at the thought of asking Rai to tell him more about her life in this country; he had forgotten how different they have lived and he couldn't wait to learn more about her life here.

That is, if they both live through this. He wouldn't let Caius kill him but if Rai didn't make it out of the mirror... No, don't put those thoughts out there. She'll be okay.

He told himself that over and over again as he located Wylla. His shadows lead him to where he found Wylla wedged between two chimneys. She had her face buried into her knees as she sniveled.

He kneeled down in front of her and when she peaked up at him with red eyes, he opened his arms. He had never hugged her before and then, with a deep sadness, he realized he had never seen anyone besides Nyxous hug her before. He had forgotten the importance of a hug; he had forgotten how a single hug from his mother once a week had the power to make everything feel right in the world.

Wylla slammed into his chest, her tiny arms wrapped around him just as his arms went around her. He never thought of himself as a father figure, but knowing Wylla had no one else and desperately wanted to be in his life made him want to protect her.

He wasn't sure if the hug was more for her or himself- he felt five years of hiding how miserable he was rising to the surface and as he took a deep breath, he felt all of it fade. His fears and worries were replaced with hope and when he repeated the phrase that Rai would be okay in his head, it didn't sound as if he was trying to convince himself.

"Thank you," he said through the lump in his throat.

She pulled away first and crawled back into her crevice, wiping her tear stained cheeks. Her voice was soft, "I saw Rai again."

He sat down with his legs crossed, "The garden?" That's where his shadows told him she was at.

She nodded but looked like she had more to say. He thought about pushing her but let it go when she sniffed. Instead, he found himself telling her about the wraith and lightsinger, which put a smile on her face.

"A lightsinger? Can they talk to light like you do shadows?" Her eyes were wide.

"No," he huffed a laugh. "I know they can travel through light like I can with shadows and I've heard things about deafening shadows."

Wylla tilted her head to the side.

He continued, "Without light, there can be no shadows. But with too much light, the shadows cannot be."

"Woah," Wylla said, though she still looked confused.

It had been an old saying referring to lightsingers, "Light drives away shadows, so essentially, she can use light to strip me of my shadows."

"But you can still fight and you have your siphon magic and wings," she said with a hopeful smile.

He liked her optimism but Azriel couldn't remember a day without shadows acting as a constant white noise all around him. They were uninvited guests he had grown to love and without them, he feared the quietness, the lack of security, and the advantage they gave him.

Maybe tonight he would finally find out what it was like to be normal. He would be nothing without his shadows. Maybe he would even enjoy it for a moment or maybe it'll be the thing that gives Caius the upper hand.