The Fight To Love

Chapter 37 - Hannah

Dad broke the news the next morning when I was in the kitchen making myself some breakfast. I was holding a bowl of oatmeal that almost immediately dropped on the floor. My heart stopped. Ethan jumped out of his chair to catch me before I fell on my knees. I started shaking like hell.

"It's my fault." I said with a trembling voice. "I'm the one who made him go away."

"No Hannah. It's not your fault." Ethan whispered to me, holding my head against his chest. "You did what you had to do."

"But Ethan...He's never coming back now. I'm never going to see him again...He's gone." I felt like an old wound just opened up again.

"I'm sure he thought about you before going to a better place." Dad told me.

I scoot him a look. "Yeah. Of how unfaithful I was toward him and how awful I am." I replied.

"Hannah, listen to me. Look at me." I turned my head to face Ethan. "You are far from being awful. You followed your heart. Its better like that than to be with someone you feel like is the wrong person. Yes, you have all the rights to be mad, sad...It's okay. I'm here for you. We'll go through this together. Know that your not alone." He took my face between the gentle palm of his hands.

I needed some time to process everything.

"I need to go to the bathroom. Can you please help me get up?" I asked him.

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I locked the door behind me. With my back against it, I slowly sat down on the floor. Once more, warm outburst of tears came running down my cheeks. My breathing got unstable. I whispered his name. "Jack.." I couldn't believe it. This is some silly dream that I'm about to wake up from. I'm going to wake up into Jack's arms and everything will be okay. But sadly, that's not the case.

I'm the one who broke up with him. I'm the one he last talked to. I'm the one who let him get out the door when I knew that it was shitty outside. I'm the one who drawn him to his death. If I didn't broke up with him yesterday, would he still be alive today?

Then I screamed. I screamed on top of my lungs. I screamed so that Jack would know that I still love him and I always will. I screamed so that all my hurt will go away. I screamed to bring Jack back. I grabbed a towel that was resting on the floor and threw it at the other end of the bathroom. It wasn't satisfying enough. I found a hair brush on the counter. I then threw it at the other end of the bathroom like I did to the towel. It hits the window, leaving a big crack in the middle of it. My tears had amplified even more, leaving me with my sobs.

"Hannah?" Dad's voice came from the other side of the bathroom door. "Are you alright?"

I didn't even answered him. I continued to scream and hit the floor, throw some stuff against the wall. I even cut myself with broken glass. But I didn't care. I rather hurt myself than to feel Jack's absence.

After three hours of fighting against myself, I got exhausted. Someone knocked on the door a few times to know if I was still alive. But I didn't answer. Ethan somehow unlocked the door to find me, laying on the floor of this room of chaos, with my arms wrapped around my knees who were up to my chest. I'm very surprise that he's still here. He sat against the bathroom door, staying silent. He knows that I'm hurting. And he somehow also know that no words has to be said. Just his presence is comforting.

I wipe my last few tears from my cheeks and joined Ethan to where he was sitting. He received me in his arms where we stayed silent. Then he whispered with his caring deep voice; "I know it hurts. It's all gonna be okay." I closed my eyes.