How The Bad Became Beautiful

Part 27 Raya's Relationship Past

Nathan's POV:

After our kiss, and as the rain turned to drizzle, I walked Raya back to the car we both got in our sides of the car "should we get some food?" I ask "no I think Mollie's cooking tonight," says Raya "okay babe," I say, I start the engine and watch as the clock pops up on the radio part of the car "16:20" reads the clock, I begin to drive out of the wooded area and drive through the rain with Raya, I flick on the radio and wonder what song was going to come on and then I heard the announcer on the radio say "right and now for all you Linkin Park lovers here's something for you" I look at the radio as I hear the beginning beats of In The End the most overrated song by a mile but still such an amazing song I smile at Raya as the line goes "it's starts with...One thing I don't know why it doesn't even matter how hard you try, keep that in mind I designed this rhyme to remind explain in due time all I know, time is a valuable thing watch it fly by as the pendulum swings watch it count down to the end of the day the clock ticks life away" I rap along with the track of Mike Shinoda's legendary rap and Chester's angelic high notes "aww yeah" says Raya she turns the song up and laughs a little "I thought you didn't like these" I say laughing "I remember Levi having this song on all the time at home" says Raya "good lad" I laugh "and I'm surprised at you I thought you didn't sing at all" says Raya "well here's me proving you wrong again" I laugh Raya laughs along her eyes sparkle whenever she laughs it's just one of the best sights I can behold, I want to film her with my eyes every time she moves, I want to record her voice on tape to have her voice with me wherever I go, I want to take pictures of her with my eyes capturing every moment, because some things in life don't last forever and I hope me and her can last forever.

Raya's POV:

The things he surprises me with, the love of music, the way he sings, the way he'll say stupid things and then giggle like a little girl, the smile he can paint my lips with, the way he's not ashamed to be himself, just a normal, decent, happy-go-lucky, handsome guy I've never met someone like him before in my 20 years on earth and his taste in music now that's not overly my thing but I could get into it in a way because this guy is growing on me like a vine growing onto a small part pebbled-designed wall with blossoms that bloom every spring and he's just a beautiful man.

When the song finishes the next song comes on, Never Be The Same by Camilla Cabello sort of relevant if you ask me, I sit and listen to the song and the lyrics as I turn and look at Nathan who's concentrating on the road, I take my phone out and take a photo of him, I save the photo and start type a message on the photo "Drives with Nate with a heart emoji at the end" "have you just took a picture of me?" asks Nathan "yeah" I laugh "can you send me it later on today?" says Nathan "yeah might edit it" I say "up to you babe" says Nathan "so what's the plan for the weekend?" "Are you picking me up or?" I ask "yeah can do," says Nathan "same spot outside where those bungalows are?" says Nathan "yeah I'm sort of looking forward to it more so now," I say "and you weren't beforehand?" says Nathan almost puzzled, his eyebrow furrowed "well with what I've been through with my last I didn't think dating me was a good thing," I say "what do you mean?" questions Nathan "long story" I sigh "I get if you don't want to tell me as I know I tell you certain stuff I shouldn't tell you but I think it's better off I'm honest and straight with you," says Nathan I hesitate for a moment "I was..." I start before hesitating again Nathan looks at me his pretty blue eyes full of concern I take a deep breath before I exhale out another sigh "I was in a relationship with a bad boy at the age of 16 we used to do some crazy shit together let me tell you, we used to hang out at his older mates house used to smoke cigs, smoke weed, have a couple of beers and shit, listen to shitty tinny music Scooter, Basshunter and your techno music and shit anyway I used to think it was cool I was with this bad boy who I thought had an amazing heart but he didn't have that amazing heart I thought he had" my eyes well up thinking of Connor the utter anger, the utter hurt and the utter, ultimate betrayal that lad put on me is unforgivable "yeah I'm guessing he was utter scum" says Nathan "ultimate scumbag" I say shaking my head "he cheated on me multiple times I acted like I didn't know but every time his phone was left or he was asleep there was another girls number, another girls name, another girl offering herself on a plate to him and I had to see these messages and they burned like iron and acid all in one, worse pain ever and there's something else but it'll trigger you" I breathe in through my nose trying to stop any tears it doesn't ultimately work but you do it anyway just to calm and steady yourself until that tear trickles down your cheek, "if it's anything along the lines of he beat you then, I know a man like that" says Nathan "you do?" I question "my dad and my mum all before my mum got ill and they could fight like there was no tomorrow and you used to see bruises on her neck well Jules did" says Nathan "I know that household mine was exactly the same" I say "I mean call me wrong but if two people who hate each other are allowed to stay together then what about people who do love each other why do they end things?" says Nathan and safe bet to say his point is valid, "I think love's like a bomb once the fuse is lit there's no stop 'til the explosion comes the firework sets off and worlds full of soot from the ashes of the love" I say to Nathan I shrug "maybe" says Nathan quietly agreeing with me "so was it beating as well as cheating?" going back on the subject of Connor "not really that either" I say I look at the window, filled with rain droplets still beating on the car, the passenger side widow and door and the windscreen "so he never laid a finger on you?" says Nathan "well one occasion but that's nothing compared to what he made me lose" I say Nathan looks over, his eyes wide "what did he make you lose?" questioned Nathan slowly pausing between each word like he was on pause and then the play button would be pressed then paused again "I ended up pregnant when I was 18" I say "fuck" says Nathan in a whisper "he used to be a major sex pest if he wanted sex you best give it him even if you didn't want it" I sigh as I think of the child I lost "so I'm guessing and this makes me sick but I guess there was a lot of sexual abuse?" says Nathan filling in the blanks "yeah" I say "one sexual assault lead to the pregnancy and I was living at his house with him and his dad and he'd have me locked in the bedroom and one night his dad had gone to bed and we had a bit of a row in his bedroom" "Jesus" says Nathan "yeah he stressed me out and punched me in the face, gave me a kick to the stomach, after the argument I started to lose a lot of blood I went to the doctors behind Connor's back and sat in this office and I wanted to check that I was safe as well as the baby so they laid me down on the medical bed and did the scans that they do and the screen was just my womb and then that's when the doctor said "I'm very sorry miss Bennett but... you've lost the baby" and from that point on I ended it with Connor" I felt the tears well up and I had to let it out "oh my god that evil bastard" says Nathan, a hand comes off the steering wheel and he takes my hand "Raya I'm so sorry" "I mean I know it's a long time ago you try and move on but I did want to be a parent maybe that just wasn't the right time or place but...um" I say I squeeze Nathan's hand "that baby would have been fucked Raya and I'm not saying that being an asshole but things like that don't get better they get worse" says Nathan "I know I think in another way I'm happy it happened it still sticks with me but at the end of the day maybe losing the baby and losing Connor was a good double whammy and I've always wanted to be a parent but I don't think I could have done it with him" I say "yeah maybe so, what happened then?" says Nathan "I moved back in with my Auntie Mollie, I was hormonal with emotions going lower and lower but I did have a few points of self-harm and when the bleeding stopped and I went back to the doctors had a scan to check if I could still have children and there's a lot of hope for the future that I can have children, I ended it with Connor and now I'm here talking to you so life's sort of good" I say "yeah and hold on a sec sort of good" says Nathan, his eyebrow raised "okay better then good maybe almost beautiful" I say Nathan smiles at me and I smile back.

Eventually, we get back to my house "right here we are home sweet home" I say as I look at my Auntie Mollie's house "yeah" says Nathan "what you doing when you get in?" "Think I'm gonna get on some Netflix probably Luther or 13 Reasons Why," I say "yeah," says Nathan "what about you?" I ask "probably gonna see what's on, play a couple of games on Xbox," says Nathan, I nod my head "yeah," I say "something to do" "aye," says Nathan what is with our guy in an elevator small talk whenever we bid goodbye to each other? Whatever it is I like it "well I'll see you Saturday then Nate," I say "you too Raya," says Nathan, I take my exit from the car and begin the two-minute walk from Nathan's car to my house.

Nathan's POV: 

I watch again her walk away, my hands pressed against the steering wheel fuck it, I'm going to park up, I stop the engine and get out the car "Raya!" I shout Raya turns back around, "Nate what are you doing?" says Raya "I just wanted to say thank you for sharing what you've shared with me today I know it's not an easy story but I also just wanted to say..." I say before a pregnant pause "what?!" says Raya "I just want to say that... you are the most beautiful girl in the world and the most honest and that I hope one day this will be our life together" I say "and I know maybe it's too soon to say this but..." Raya looks at me like she wants to smack me in the face if I don't get my words out, "but..." says Raya, taking a few steps towards me when she's a centimetre away from me, I just pull her close to me, her eyelashes flutter, her big brown eyes grow wide, her hands are on my damp jacket "I think I'm in love with you" I say there's another pause nice one Nathan Daniel Walker you've gone and put your foot in it right there she won't see me the same, I feel her hand on my raindropped face "you're the kindest, loveliest guy I've ever met Nathan but..." says Raya "but it's too soon" I say deflated "maybe so but I think I'm in love with you too but let's see what happens with this date on Saturday ok?" says Raya I sigh "yeah, yeah alright," I say I look over at my car "I need to go" "Nate" says Raya "Raya-Leigh Bennett!" says a voice from inside "who's that?" I ask Raya "that's my auntie Mollie listen I don't know if you want to do this but would you fancy some tea at mine tonight?" offers Raya "yeah, yeah can do not like I've got to go home for anything," I say "okay then," says Raya "then let's do this shit" Raya takes my hand, holds it and we walk the two-minute walk to Raya's house.