How The Bad Became Beautiful

Part 54

Raya's POV:

The next few days made the pain a little bit more bearable but I had noticed something in the kitchen that was left out for a while it was a letter that I didn't want to read until I could muster up the courage and strength to do so. 

I completely tried to ignore my phone but every day there were messages from Curtis, messages from Sophia and messages from Willow, I also from the Inside a Mind community received some beautiful flowers and a card saying "with sympathy" and inside a "sorry for your loss all our thoughts from the Inside a Mind staff xx" it was beautifully sad but the worst thing was what was going to happen next. I didn't want to leave the house so Sophia always popped around, I didn't want to move I just wanted every day to go onto the next in a way I wanted to evaporate into thin air until the storm had passed, the pain was unbearable believe me I have been through a mum and dad who hated each other and ruined so much of mine and Levi's childhood when I think back on it the times Levi couldn't look me in the eyes and tell me everything was going to be okay should have been a sign but I ignored it just expected it to flow away and to be honest, he needed the help and he didn't get it, then came Connor that pain would have been a 7 on the scale, Connor reminded me of what I never thought would have happened to me or anyone who has been in a domestic abusive relationship and losing a child because of him was a double whammy it hurt but it wasn't the right time not that time anyway. But after I lost Connor I found a love and strength within myself that I never thought I'd have again as I felt as if he stole so much light that I had inside of me and then when I met Nathan that light came back on. 

But this felt as if I was in an eternity of hell. One night I was lying awake in bed, I rolled over "Raya are you okay, chick?" it's Livvy I open the message "hi Liv I feel like complete crap, to be honest, babe xx" I text back I roll over onto my bed, that's when I hear a knock at the door "come in" I say and my door is opened by Mollie who I've been struggling to talk to for the last few days, Mollie sits on my bed "Raya" says Mollie "hi" I say gently "how you feeling?" says Mollie equally as gently "I don't know I'm upset still, I'm confused, I'm wondering where to go with life now" I say "I know what you're saying Raya" says Mollie, her fingers go through my hair like a frightened spider, she's shaking "yeah" I say softly "well there's something more to this Raya but I think the letter will tell you more as Levi's letter to me was heartbreaking but I still don't understand he had everything to live for such a bright, loving, funny lad" says Mollie "they say that the happiest people are usually the most in need of love and affection" I say "that's sadly true" says Mollie agreeing "I noticed it with Nathan when I first met him and I thought to myself why is it the most happy people are the most broken of all" I say "that's a part of the mental health mystery" says Mollie "but I'll be honest Raya" "yeah?" I say "I think your mother and that prick of a dad of yours lost such a huge privilege missing out on you and Levi," says Mollie "because I couldn't have children and having you two was and still is one of the best privileges I ever had in my life"  Mollie gets up from my bed and starts to walk off "Mollie," I say with my voice shaking Mollie turns back around "thank you for being my non-biological mum," I say Mollie's eyes fill up with tears, we hug and to be honest Mollie and the life I have at the moment I wouldn't want to trade for the world, as Mollie gets me like a mother should like Mary Poppins Mollie Bennett is practically perfect in every way. If I had to walk down the path of Levi's suicide on my own I don't think I would be here today.