Sarcasm-Five Hargreeves x Reader (The Umbrella Academy)

Chpater 45

Y/N and Five awkwardly sat alone at the table as Y/N used the butter mince to carve into the table and Five kept on looking at the bathroom.

Luther had excused himself a few minutes ago and they figured he would try and talk some sense into Older Looking Five.

The Five that was sitting with Y/N at the moment continued to tab his foot as he itched his neck again and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"We should do it, you know," Y/N said randomly.

Fives eyes widened. "Do what-"

"Not that! I mean, just lay off for a bit. You'll go back to that body and the world will be the shithole we're all missing again," Y/N said.

"What? That wasn't what you said 15 minutes ago!"

"Hey! I was just saying that if you were going pick up a stunt like kissing me ever again, it would be something that will find a way to bite back at us."

Five paused at her words and looked down at the table, giving a solemn nod. "You're right. I should've thought of that. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize, Five. The paradox psychosis thing is really getting all up in your head," Y/N said. "You did nothing wrong. You're the one who needs praise in our group of misfits. Because you care, and you are the only one who does."

Five smiled at her words. It seemed like someone finally understood what he was as really feeling. Ever since he came back to the academy, all he did to try and save his family made them more and more furious with him. Impatience began to grow with him because of the people he was surrounded with because of their stubbornness. Maybe that was finally wearing off.

"Not even you?"

"Not even me. I guess I was just bothered about what you said earlier."

Five frowned. "What?"

"That you had something to do with my body, and why I am in it for 17 years."

Five stiffened and nodded, bringing his hands off the table. "Okay, but just promise you won't get mad."

Y/N raised an eyebrow.

"Before I time traveled to the apocalypse, I was practicing in my room, maybe going out for a day or so into the future. When I came back, I altered the present a little bit, and most of it was involving you since I surprise punched you when I jumped. You saw two Fives then because I met my doppelgänger. You were going to tell Dad like the snitch you were back then, so I took you with me to time travel, I fucked up, and I made a paradox, small, not for you though, heh. And after I got you unstuck, the Ship of Theseus paradox finished inside of you and is a part of you. So you are a teenager forever now."

Five pressed his lips together and leaned back in his chair. "Uh, any questions?"

Y/N gave him a hard, cold stare, but she wasn't red at the face or blazing hot at the hands (Five had to make sure), so it made him believe that she wasn't going to do anything.

Until she stood up and flipped over the chair he was sitting on to grab Five by his collar and shove him over to a quiet corner free of the stares coming across the room.

"Ow! I told you not to get mad," Five grimaced, holding his arm.

"Maybe if you weren't the reason I stayed a teen for the rest of my life, I would have given it a second thought," Y/N snapped.

Five furrowed his brows and shot up from his spot on the floor. "Don't you like being a teen? I mean, you're practically immortal, you never get bad cramps if you're fighting, no taxes, no debt, more discount privileges, no need to work, it's endless. What is your problem?"

"My problem is that you are a selfish jerk! I can't ever drive, or drink, or date someone I really, really like, I can't walk two block without being asked 'oh, aren't you supposed to be at school?',I can't get a job apart from fast food, or go on a vacation if I feel like it! I can't marry anyone, I can't have kids. I'm always excluded because I look like a fucking child, and nobody ever takes me seriously. And it is all. Your. Fault!"

Y/N's anger turned to a staggering vulnerability at she pressed her finger into Five's chest at each and every word. Tears filled her eyes, and to avoid seeing them fall, she pushed Five out of the way and ran to the restroom, not even bothering to check if it was boys or girls.

Five, however, felt a crumbling guilt in his stomach, even worse than the remorse he had when he first met Y/N's eyes after those 45 years. All the good things he thought    Y/N would have as a kid twisted into bad. And now, he couldn't help her.