Sarcasm-Five Hargreeves x Reader (The Umbrella Academy)

Chapter 3

"What's the date? The exact date," Five sighed as he placed a chopping board on the table.

"March 24th, 2019," Vanya answered, playing with her fingers as she stared at Five from across the table.

The siblings were all seated inside at the kitchen, still quite shocked of the sudden appearance of Five, their lost brother. But Five himself seemed very mutual about it, like he totally wasn't lost in the future for 17 years.

"Well, thats good," Five said as he got two pieces of bread.

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him, mad for him stealing the last pieces of bread, and curious for why he chose to come back now.

"So, are we gonna talk about what just happened," Luther asked.

Five didn't say anything, he just prepared his sandwich making Luther get a little impatient with his brother.

"It's been 17 years," he yelled, standing up and knocking his chair over.

Five scoffed and glared at Luther. "It's been a lot longer than that."

He spatial jumped to the other side of the room and grabbed marshmallows from the cupboard.

"I haven't missed that," Luther muttered, picking up his stool from the ground and pushing is back under the table.

"Where'd you go," Diego asked.

"The future. It's shit, by the way," Five answered.

He spatial jumped back to the table.

"Called it," Klaus smirked at Y/N and held out a hand and she rolled her eyes before reaching into her pocket and slapping a 20 onto it. Five stared in confusion, before shaking his head and going back to making his food.

"I should have listened to the old man," Five said, ignoring the random gamble between Klaus and Y/N. "You know, jumping through space is one thing, jumping through time is another toss of the dice."

Y/N's eye's only narrowed more as he uttered his words, getting the impression that he was intentionally keeping his experiences under a furtive lock.

"Nice dress," Five said, looking down at Klaus's attire.

"Oh, well, danke," Klaus laughed drowsily, itching his neck.

"Wait, so how did you get back," Vanya asked.

"In the end I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time," Five answered simply.

"That makes no sense," Diego said.

"Well, it would if you were smarter," Five shrugged.

Diego got up threateningly but Luther put an arm up front preventing Diego from doing anything.

"How long were you there," Luther questioned.

"Forty five years. Give or take."

Y/N eyes widened at Five's answer, trying to do the math as she held her fingers out under the table to count. What made it so difficult to come back?

"So what are you saying? That you're 58?"

"He's saying he came back in the same body he left this world in," Y/N whispered, holding eye contact with Five.

He held it, a familiar look crossing his eyes as if he looked at her and instantly recognized the fact that their relationship was exactly how it was before he left.

"But...how does that even work," Vanya asked, interrupting their non verbal exchange of all kinds of words for hate.

"Delores kept saying the equations were off. Eh," Five picked up his sandwich and took a bite out of it. "Bet she's laughing now."