Sarcasm-Five Hargreeves x Reader (The Umbrella Academy)

Chapter 25- end of season 1

"What were we talking about again," Diego drawled out, pissed in the change of conversation.

"We we're discussing the end of the world," Five smiled sarcastically.

"Oh, right."

"Why don't we give her a more emotional way in getting her back on our side," Allison wrote, lifting her notebook up.

Y/N sighed, shaking her head at the idea. "Vanya probably hates us now. Besides, what could we possibly give her that's emotional?"

Allison slouched as her idea went down the drain.

"Klaus, you were talking about Ben," Five said, recalling Klaus's claim.

"Oh, yeah! That! Okay-"

"Klaus, you are unbelievable," Luther groaned as Klaus picked up a ball.

"I'll give you proof," he answered as he threw the ball to where they all guessed Ben was standing but the ball went through air and fell onto the floor. Everyone stared at Klaus unconvinced while he stared at the spot where Ben was looking around unimpressed.

"Is there any way to silence that voice in your head that screams out for the center of attention," Luther glared at the embarrassed Klaus.

"You know I liked you a lot better before you got laid," Klaus shot back.

Klaus soon realized what he had stayed so he blew up air in his mouth before stepped back with Diego.

"Which was a complete...it-it wasn't his fault, 'cause he was ridiculously high, right," Klaus stumbled over his words, Luther's face hardening at every syllable. "And-and the girl, she thought he was a furry..."

"Stop," Luther interrupted.

Klaus put his hand on his head and looked down, almost as embarrassed as Luther was at the moment. Meanwhile, Allison had taken her notepad and walked away with a furious face.

"Allison, wait," Luther said.

"Excuse me," a cheery voice said.

A plump woman came to Y/N, Five, Klaus, and Diego with a scrawny kid wrapped in her arm.

The kid was someone Y/N recognized, the boy who was having a birthday party. He was holding a green bowling ball as he smiled shyly, his mother smiled confidently.

"Excuse me, it's my son Kenny's birthday today and...uh, wouldn't your son and his sister be happier playing with kids their own age? Assuming it's okay with your two dads," the woman asked Five.

Klaus and Diego slowly looked at each other in disbelief and disgust as the woman smiled at the four.

"I would rather chew off my own foot," Five spat, turned his head away.

The woman looked appalled as her son backed away and soon, she did too. There was a whooshing sound and both Y/N and Five directed their attention to it as Klaus and Diego told each other they would be the last person they'd date.

"How the hell did she find us," Five asked to himself as he took out a familiar blue tile from the ball dispenser.

"Who? The Handler?"

"Yeah. She tracked me," Five growled, taking the toffees from his pocket and opening the wrapper to see it was the familiar silver device.

Dropping it to the floor and crushing it under his foot, Five took out a fortune cookie and cracked it open to see the message the Handler typed up, scoffing in disbelief once he read the address.

"I'm going to see her, finish her off once and for all. I'll be back before you know it so please, cover for me," Five said.

Y/N nodded in response and Five zapped away, leaving Y/N and the fortune cookie in her hands.