Wonderful | wicked | book 2/3

Nessa

Elphaba came to visit me earlier today.
Though uninvited i still had a wonderful time.
I explained to her about my meeting with Amanda and how I plan to speak with her later today and she seemed thrilled that I'm doing something that I'm looking forward to.
Dr Dillamond is very happy that I've decided to take on this position.
I'm exited that this could possibly be a new beginning for me.

The door slides open and a very anxious looking, Amanda steps in.
He short auburn hair is in two low bunches, neatly pressed under a black headband.
"You wanted to see me?" She quizzes, he voice is meek and trembling.
I do hope that I'm not scaring her.
I don't know if she would know me or not.
"Yes" I say trying to smile "Dr Dillamond told me that your having trouble remembering your class and I'd like to help you with that"
Amanda Smiles slightly and fumbles around with her headband, she finally stops playing around with it and grasps both of her hands together at the top of her skirt.
"Take a seat," I say calmly.
Amanda looks me up and down and sits on a chair that Dr Dillamond has placed in front of the desk.
"Sorry to be rude, but what should I call you?"
"Miss Thropp" I say slowly, loathing my own surname.
Amanda lets out a slight squeak but remains composed.
"You know who I am?" I say sadly, the little girl nods but stays silent.
She looks terrified.
"I'm not proud of who I am and what I've done, so I'll make you a deal, I'll ask you a question and you can ask me one." I say bluntly.
I have to start by acknowledging that people are going to be scared of me.
Amanda nods again, she seems slightly less scared but only slightly.
"Do you forget when Botany is on purpose?" I ask gently,
Amanda shakes her head, she smiles softly.
"Do I get to ask you one now?" She asks excitedly.
"Yes, I suppose you do." I mumble cheerfully.

There's an awkward few seconds whilst Amanda thinks of her question, this feels like an interrogation.
But somehow for me.
"Did the house do that?" She asks quietly, her eyes scanning the chair.
Has she ever seen me before?
"No, I was born like this." I mumble sadly.
Amanda smiles.
"My younger sister was born with a broken leg" she says strangely triumphantly.
Curious.
She doesn't seem frightened anymore.
"Can I ask another?" Amanda croaks.
I shrug.
"I don't see why not" I say sighing deeply.
Amanda looks around her room, her eyes flick to different things.
The wall, the bookshelf and finally they rest on me.
"You don't seem horrible," she says, "the adults seem to have gotten it all wrong."

Those words hit me like a brick.
I know that Elphaba, Fiyero and I were victims to rumors but I just didn't expect people to be so blunt about it.
It's better for them, they know the rumors weren't true.
Where as I was horrible and controlling.
"Well I suppose the adults were right, I used to be that way but once I recover from that incident, I decided to change."
Amanda nods, she takes in my words like a rag with water.
I just hope she doesn't drain herself of them before she leaves.
"Anyway" I say clearing my throat "we're here to help you remember"
Amanda giggles but silenced herself rather quickly and looks at me in anticipation.
"Do you often forget other things?" I ask, mostly out of my own curiosity.
Amanda panders before opening her mouth to speak but leaving it just wide open like a fly trap.
"I don't tend to forget any other classes but I do seem to forget a lot of other things" she says slowly, drumming against the desk with her fingers.
I notice her nails are painted blue and white, matching wonderfully with the uniform.

Amanda looks up at me, she straightens her glasses and smiles.
"Miss Thropp, thanks for trying" she says sadly, though her face still appears to be joyous.
"Don't give up," I say desperately "look I always used to give up when I was younger and it never got me anywhere, I still cry at any given opportunity"
I laugh, pitifully at myself.
"Miss, I'm confused."
I put my hand up to my head and pull out the bun that one of Dr Dillamonds assistances put in so wonderfully.
My thick hair dangles down around my face, I push it hastily behind my ears.
"Amanda, I don't want you to see me as some dictator or horrible adult, I'm the same as you, a person who is willing to point out there mistakes and work on them"
Amanda looks around, she pulls out her headband, in response to me taking my hair out.
"I'm just saying there is a reason to everything, whether it's a good or a bad one, there is a reason."
Amanda looks sad all of a sudden.
"Tell me about your sister" I say kindly,
"Tell me about yours" Amanda snaps, I smile at her sudden ferocity.
"Okay, I'll go first" I say, playing along "my sisters name is Elphaba, though you probably know that and she's three years older than me"
Amanda twirls her hair around her finger and lets it go.
"Her name is Kelsy and she's five years younger than me" Amanda says quietly, "and she's really annoying"
I laugh loudly, then cover my mouth suddenly as to not appear unprofessional.
"I'm not lying," Amanda protests "isn't your sister magic or something, that's bound to get annoying"
Amanda looks around to make sure that no ones in the room with us, the sets out on a very large monologue.
"Kelsy is the worst, she's always trying to use my stuff and is always complaining when I get anything that she doesn't, like I said she came out with a broken leg and she brings it up all the time and it just gets so irritating, there's nothing wrong with it now but she just doesn't shut up..."
"Amanda" I interrupt suddenly, Amanda looks at me bewildered, "you have botany second period tomorrow, don't miss it"
Amanda stands up and smiles, she walks up to the door.
"Thanks miss" she says, though I'm not sure what she's thanking me for.
The door closes softly behind her.
I put my hands on the desk and lean my head on them and cry.
Silent tears that shake my whole body.
I don't know if I can do this, if at every moment someone reminds me of what I've done,
Of who I am.