Wonderful | wicked | book 2/3

Elphie

I'm wide awake.
It's so late or I guess it's so early.
I've barely slept, I've been thinking so much, everything changes yet again, and it's still unclear whether or not  it's for better or worse.
Nessa gave up everything to make it up to Boc and he's gone, no one knows if he's coming back.
Nessa doubts he will but I have to remain hopeful for her.
I don't really know if Nessa is a completely good person, I know she's changed and giving up her ability to walk for Boc was a completely selfless act but I don't know what happened before I arrived that day to ask for fathers hell.
I don't know how long Nessa truly believed that they belonged together.
I don't know who's in the wrong anymore, there's so much blame and unspoken anger here.
People opinions that they are scared to voice for fear of everything changing for the worse.
I can sense the tension in the rooms, it's so heavy, so heart breaking.

To be honest, I feel better now that Nessa can't walk.
I know that's a horrible thing to say but it's true.
She's always needed someone.
She always has, always will and I want to be there for her, it's my way of apologising for leaving her after i cast that spell on Boc.
She doesn't know I feel like this and I don't intend to let her find out but I can't help being relieved that Nessa can't leave me.
I know I have Fiyero but Nessa is my only family and I care about her so much.
I just wish it wasn't some ungodly hour in the morning that my head is being plagued with all of this.
I just want to be able to have a good nights sleep.
Every time this house creeks I'm scared it's Boc coming back, I do hope he's alright.
Fiyero stirs in his sleep.
He's asleep on the floor of the lounge and I'm on the sofa, even though I insisted that he take the comfier 'bed.'
We really should be asleep on beds upstairs.
Glinda is.
But I wanted to sleep downstairs incase Nessa needed me or Boc came in.

Another thing keeping me up is that Glinda spoke about talking to the Munchkins about us being innocent.
I know that she did but I haven't been informed on how it went.
Still I guess it was okay since I was able to go out and buy some clothes, people stared and some backed away.
But it only seems fitting, every problem in Oz was blamed on me, I'm not surprised they are weary.
I just hope that Nessa and Glinda are alright with seeing Madame Morrible again.
A lot has changed since they last saw her.
A lot keeps changing and I have to stay calm about it.
I have to hold everything together.
I always have to hold everything together.

Honestly at this point I'd give anything to fall asleep, or for Nessa to wake up and call for me.
I just want to take to someone.
I've had enough of this, just lying here and doing nothing.
I decide to get up off of this sofa and walk about a bit.
I slide my bare feet onto the soft carpeted floor.
The room isn't completely dark, there's a sliver of light coming in through the street lamps outside, I peer about for my shoes and slide them onto my feet.
I didn't really buy any night wear for myself, I only brought a few bits of clothes.
A couple dresses for Nessa, the odd top and pair of trousers for myself and those socks that Nessa never got to wear.
I'm such an idiot, we didn't have to cast the spell straight away, we could have waited a while.
I honestly don't think Boc is coming back.
He left before because she could walk and now he's gone because she can't.
I through a newly brought cardigan over my nightie and walk out into the cold hallway.
The air seems frozen, the hair on my arms is stood upright.
I walk over to the room that Nessa is sleeping in.
I open the door slowly and watch the light that I've just let in, stretch and illuminate the bed.

"I see your not asleep either" a very tired looking Nessa whispers.
I shake my head and approach the bed.
"Have you slept at all?" Nessa asks gently "I haven't." She adds hazily.
I crouch down beside the bed, Nessas lying on her back, staring up at the plain ceiling.
"Not as interesting as your old room" I say playfully.
"I don't know what your taking about" Nessa says sounding puzzled.
I point a finger towards the ceiling, Nessa follows it with her eyes.
"The roof is really plain in here, nothing to look at" I say awkwardly.
Nessa shrugs,
"That picture stopped being interesting very fast" she says bluntly "I had mesmerised it by the end of the week"
I remember when father had it painted, Nessa got the flu shortly after and stayed in bed for ages.
"You know what we should do whilst we are here..." Nessa says eagerly "visit Shiz"
I'm not sure about that.
I might not even be a school anymore and with Madame Morrible gone...
"Sounds like fun." I lie.

Conversation, slowly dissolves over the course of a few minutes.
I think Nessa has fallen sleep.
I hope she gets some rest before dealing with Madame Morrible in the morning.
I don't really know why she's going.
There's nothing good that woman has done for anyone that wasn't herself, she tricked me and forced Glinda into a life that she thought she wanted.
I don't think that being Glinda The Good was all it was cracked up to be.
I stare down at my sister, she stirs in her sleep.
I'm so happy that she's my sister, I couldn't ask for anyone else.
The only good part of my childhood was the small moments that she told me that she loves me.
Sometimes I wish we were still kids.
I understand her now.
I know how she felt, not completely being able to explain how she felt, how she wanted to be that girl but never was.
I miss being a kid, being the golden child isn't always a blessing for Nessa, she was naive and got convinced that everyone was always going to be there for her.