Under My Skin

How Soon Is Now

I woke abruptly to a loud whirring sound outside the house, followed by the beeping alarm of the microwave and oven clock

My eyes were forced open in the surprise, my vision blurry from sleep. I looked down to find Connor asleep on my lap, undisturbed by the noise. I've never had somebody's head in my lap before. I like it. I like it a lot.
His hair fell over his face, his hands curled in by his chest like a kitten. I debated not even waking him up. He looked so peaceful. He looked happy, asleep on my lap.
I never saw myself in this position before. I never saw myself having a friend, much less a lover. A lover, asleep in my lap. Raking my fingers through his hair, wishing this time together would never end. I didn't think I could ever get this happiness. I just want to savor it.

But in the end, my excitement got the best of me. I couldn't contain myself.

"Connor!" I whispered, gently shaking him awake

"Hm?" He grumbled drowsily

"Connor, the power's back!"

"Huh..?" He rubbed his tired eyes

"The power's back on!"

"...huh?"

"Good Lord, you're useless when you wake up.."

"...What time is it?"

"Two."

"Oh, wow..." he closed his eyes again

"..Nevermind. Do you want some coffee?"

"Mm, yes please"

"Alright." I attempted to lift his head up just enough to sneak off to the kitchen. It was only met with him grabbing my thigh and giving a loud, childish whine.

"Don't leave.." he begged, nuzzling his forehead against my thigh to make himself comfortable

"I can't make coffee i-if I don't get up."

"I don't want coffee, I just want you.."

I couldn't help but smile. How was I to say no to that? He wants me. Nobody's ever wanted me. And god, he's adorable when he's sleepy.
How can somebody even be that cute? That doesn't seem remotely fair. How is anyone else to feel remotely adequate when somebody like him exists?
He does exist. And he's here, begging me not to get up, so he can stay in my lap, a while longer. It feels like I'm in Heaven. If I'm dreaming, I never want to wake up.

He wrapped his arms around my legs, hugging it tightly to his body, like a pillow.
Don't get me wrong, within a few minutes, my leg was cramping like crazy, holding it up ever so slightly, just to ease the weight it put on his arms. But I didn't move. I just sat through it. I was far too happy to change anything about this moment.

I brushed my fingers through the short baby hairs at the nape of his neck, making him giggle a bit

"Does that feel good?"

"Mhm.." he mumbled against my pant leg

"Alright.. then I won't stop.."

I've heard people talk about sex. I've heard people say that it was the single greatest feeling in the world. But I'm not so sure about that. Don't get me wrong, it was.. amazing. At least with him, it was. But I think moments like this take the cake. Slow, quiet moments. Where all is still, and it's just you, together. Feeling safe. Feeling loved. Feeling wanted. This quiet, understated domestic affection. It's beautiful. My heart has rarely felt this full. And I don't think there's anything better. I feel truly blessed.

He slept there for another hour or so. He's a heavy sleeper. He's a cute sleeper, too. I didn't think you could look cute when you sleep, I certainly don't. But he does.