Under My Skin

Breathe

"To my failed test" Connor raised his glass to mine

"Cheers"

We both took a sip from our individual glasses of cider

"...I'm gonna fail." He huffed after  swallowing

"You're- You're not going to fail, it was one test.. you're... crazy smart, one test isn't going to hurt." I scoffed in remediation

"I've just never failed at anything before, it scares the fuck out of me."

"..You've never failed anything?"

"Not academically, no."

Right. Like he wasn't intimidating enough, already.

"How is that even possible..?"

"Oh, I tortured myself daily for fourteen years for perfect grades so I'd succeed."

"Wow... I-I failed every math test I got" I admitted, now somewhat ashamed

"...I don't know how to deal with failing" he chuckled nervously, throwing back the rest of his drink "God, I really wish this was alcohol"

"I uh... I-I don't have any of that, but I... I can always listen.. I'm really good at listening.."

"..That'd be great, actually" he half-smiled

"Well.. go ahead."

"Well, I just.. I always put education as my highest priority, ya know? And rightfully so, but because of that, I'm... not equipped to handle a bad grade."

"Everyone fails a test at some point.. I-I failed several.."

"I know. And it's fine when other people fail, I understand it completely, I see nothing but their potential to do better next time, but once it's me, it's forbidden, I'm a complete failure.. I shouldn't be dumping all of this on you, I'm sorry- I'm the sucker that thought med school was a good idea, not you."

"You're not dumping anything on me, I... I'd like to help. If I can."

"You're sweet..." he sighed "I'm a lucky boy."

"I-I wouldn't say lucky, I'm nice company, at best"

"That's bullshit. You're a very sweet guy.. I'm lucky to have a boyfriend like you."

"...I'm your boyfriend?" My cheeks warmed

"I've said it before.."

"I know, I'm just... I've never been someone's boyfriend, I'm not used to hearing that" I smiled

"Well, I can always stop if it makes you uncomfortable.."

"No- I... like it." I answered back quickly, before he could second guess our title

"Good, because I like saying it.." Connor McKinley grinned, dragging his fingers up and down the buttons of my shirt

"..S-So go on!"

"Oh. Right. Yeah. Well, uh, I know it seems incredibly strange to complain about only ever having failed one test in your life, but I just.. i'm not equipped to deal with failure..."