Under My Skin

In Place

"It's good to see you again, Kevin"

"Yeah... Yeah, it's good to see you too.." I muttered, my leg already sore from shaking

"I must admit I was surprised when you said you wanted to stop therapy.. you're somebody who seems to struggle quite a bit."

"Yeah.. uh.. my aunt stopped paying.. sh-she dropped me and stopped supporting me.. and Adelaide tried to find someone cheaper. But it didn't.. it didn't work out.."

"Dropped you?" The doctor raised his brow

"Yeah.. she found out about.. me."

"What about you?"

"That I- that I like.. boys."

"I see"

"S-She wasn't very pleased."

"It sounds like it. She cut you off?"

"Completely. M-Money and contact.. I know money shouldn't be important, but disability doesn't even pay the bills.. I can't live on my own money."

"So what are you doing now?"

"Uh.. my power got shut off before I.. sucked it up and told Adelaide."

"And now she's helping you? I assume. The lights are on, I presume she's helping you support yourself."

"Yes. A-And I feel just awful about it, I hate the idea of her spending even more of her money on me. That's why we tried to find another therapist... I-I was doing okay without it for a while, but.. I need help. A lot."

"Well, what happened to make you want to go back to therapy?"

"That's.. that's the tricky thing.. uh, it turns out that I've been.. r-repressing some things.." I focused my attention back in on the small scar on the back of my hand, earned from years of picking at the skin.

I forced the opposite hand away, directing it to my nail, instead. At least that won't scar.

"Such as?"

"...they didn't die when I was eighteen."

"What do you mean?" He paused

"My parents. They d- They died when I was.. twenty. As it turns out.."

"I see... and what do you think it was that caused this lapse in time for you?"

"...my aunt."

"Could you elaborate?"

"I-I was living with my aunt.. as it turns out.."

"And you forgot all this time?"

"Yes... I-It was like it never even happened... I didn't know it happened.. until it was all back."

"Two years is a long time to forget. Four years is a long time to keep two full years of your life forgotten.. what happened to resurface this memory so suddenly?"

"Well- it didn't come naturally.. I would've just kept on not knowing.."

"I don't like the term 'not knowing'. You always technically knew, you just... made yourself forget. Even though it wasn't conscious."

"It sure felt like I didn't know.."

"That's often the way it feels when you push something down for that long. I've had clients that suppressed things from early childhood their entire lives. It was as good as not knowing, until they remembered. But that's the thing, even if they thought it never happened, they still knew it did, somewhere in there. It doesn't repress itself, it takes knowledge of it."