Under My Skin

Live Out Loud

"So, you hit him..?"

"Yeah.." I rubbed my hands together, anxiously

"Why would you do something like that?"

"You don't understand, he- he came here with bruises! He forced him to- you know..."

"Forced him to what?"

"I don't want to say it!! You know exactly what I'm talking about!"

"Kevin, I've been treating you for four years, you've never touched a stranger. You don't even touch Adelaide."

"I touch Connor.."

"Yes, you do.. but you not only touched a stranger, you punched him. Something had to have happened to make you that angry. I know you, you're not violent.."

"He hits him! He made him give up his dog, he makes him wear clothes he doesn't like, he forces him to- ...do things he doesn't want to to."

"Why do you feel so responsible for protecting him?"

"He's not going to stand up for himself.."

"That's not what I asked. Why do you feel so personally responsible? What does his being treated this way mean to you?"

"It's terrible! He's so wonderful, I-I know you don't know him, but he's so kind.. he deserves to be loved. He should be adored."

"And do you feel as if it's your responsibility to give him that love?"

"I don't feel responsible for it, I just care about him!"

"What connects you to him so strongly?"

"He's my best friend!"

"I'm just trying to understand what would push you to violence to defend him.. it's entirely out of character, there must be something significant enough to make you lash out like this."

"I just... I care about him..."

"...Can I tell you how this seems from a factual standpoint?"

"...no. No, I don't want to hear what it seems like, I know what it seems like! I'm just.. he's a good friend."

"..okay."

".....Can we talk about something else?"

"What's on your mind?"

"... I got a new fruit bowl."

"I noticed that.. how are you feeling with it?"

"Better than I thought I would.. I don't know, I was doing really well, but after that... fight.. I don't know, I kind of.. went backward"

"That's very common. You stepped too far out of your comfort zone too quickly, you feel too uncomfortable, you regress.. it's like in a video game. If you push yourself off a cliff, you start back over"

"I know that analogy probably works for most people but I have no clue what you're talking about. The only video game I've ever played is desktop solitaire."

"..okay. I'll just say it as it is, then, no analogies.. it's good to push yourself, if you push yourself too far, too quickly, you actually hurt your progress. You start back at the beginning. Or the stage of progress you were at before the one that made you take that leap. That's perfectly normal. Frankly, my suggestion is to not go around punching people"

"I told you, it wasn't on purpose! I-It just happened! I hardly even remember doing it..."

"I know. You were in a rage.. incredibly unusual for you, but not rare for the situation.. just take things slowly, okay? One little step at a time.. successful little steps are better than tripped-up big steps.. try, but don't be too hard on yourself.. can you do that?"