Under My Skin

Lucky Ones

"What pushed you to break up with him? You seemed so happy last time we spoke.. about him, I mean. Last time we spoke you called my wife's home phone, don't do that again." The doctor scolded

"I won't. And- we were doing really well.. things were great.."

"So why did you call it off?"

"He... said some things I didn't like"

"Well, Kevin, that happens in every relationship, you're not always going to like everything he says, and he's not going to like everything you say."

"It's.. not that simple. You don't understand."

"Then help me understand."

"...I don't know"

"Look, Kevin, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I can't make you tell me things that you aren't comfortable sharing. But I'm here to help you. And I can't help you if you don't open up. You pay me to help you, but-"

"I don't pay you, my aunts and Adelaide pay you."

"..right. Your aunts and Adelaide pay me to help you. And you want that help, yes?"

"Yes."

"In order to receive the help that you want, you have to help me, you have to let me in and understand so I can learn how to help you.. we won't talk about anything you aren't ready to talk about. But if you want help on it, you're going to need to open up the lines of communication between us. You'll have to be open with me."

"....Connor said he was a good person."

"Said he was a good person?"

"No, not him - him!"

"Who's 'him'?"

"The one that killed my mom and dad!"

"Okay... he said that?"

"...He insinuated it."

"Insinuating is different than saying. Insinuation is up to interpretation. If he didn't flat out say it, how do you know it's what he meant?"

"You can just tell!!"

"Okay. So he insinuated the man that hit your parents was a good person?"

"Yes."

"And how did this come about?"

"We were just talking and the conversation drifted there.. and I said I hope he's suffering. Whoever he is... I-I mean, he caused me so much pain that will just never go away, I want him to feel that too... and Connor said I shouldn't talk like that, that it's not like me, but it is I just don't say it aloud.. I want him to hurt."

"And do you think him hurting will make you hurt less?"

"...no. But it'll be punishment for what he did. He deserves to feel what I feel because of what he did.. but Connor said I shouldn't say that.. that he probably feels horrible about it already. That he's probably just 'a-a good person that made a mistake' no, the accident was a mistake, leaving them there was murder! And Connor had that audacity to defend him and act like he deserves my forgiveness! He doesn't! He killed my parents and he took my life from me, he doesn't deserve an ounce of my sympathy, whether he feels guilty or not! He should feel guilty!"

"But are you sure he was trying to defend him? It sounds to me like he was trying to give you some peace, make you realize that whoever did this probably isn't living a happy life out there. Whoever he was, he's probably haunted by it, as he should be.. and wouldn't knowing that relieve some of your burden? Knowing that he's hurting just like you, not living it up? I think he was just trying to give you some peace in that"