Under My Skin

Notorious

Another knock on the door drew me from my thoughts.

"Oh god.." I automatically whispered

"What is it?"

"...I think there's a robber."

"Who knocks before coming in?"

"Some of them do! I looked it up, they knock to see if anyone's home.. during the day, if they don't get an answer, they rob you!"

"It's nighttime."

"The ones at nighttime are even worse, those are the ones that know you'll be home, they aren't here for your stuff, they're here for you!"

"..How many robbers bring flowers to the house they're robbing?" She watched out the window

"..what?"

"That little 'robber' has flowers"

I followed to the window, freezing, the moment I saw Connor out there, holding a bundle of flowers and shifting his weight side to side like a little dance just to keep his feet busy.

"...What's he doing out there?"

"That's something you'll have to ask him, yourself. I'll go.. freshen up in the bathroom, leave you two some space. Go let your friend in, it's chilly out." Adelaide stood and excused herself from the room.

I hesitated to let him in. I don't want any more embarrassment today. But he looked so nervous out there, waiting for an answer. I couldn't stand it. If anyone knows what that feels like it's me. I can't just watch him squirm in his own skin like this.

He looked surprised when I opened the door. Like he wasn't expecting me to answer.
"Connor, what are you doing here?" I tripped over my own words

"I wanted to say I'm sorry.. are you okay? Your eyes are puffy..."

"I'm fine," I said shortly

"Are you sure? Your eyes are only puffy like that when you cry-"

"Yeah, well I've... look, what are you doing here?"

"I told you, to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.. I never would have done something like that if I thought it would hurt you. I thought it was a good idea, I don't know why I thought that, but I did.. and it was a real dumbass thing to do. You know I'd never upset you on purpose.. you're my best buddy, you know I'd never mean to hurt you.."

"It just... it really freaked me out, I don't want to be touched"

"I know, and I'm so sorry... I feel awful about it.. and I'll leave after this, I know you're having your dinner with Adelaide, I just... I had more than one present that I wanted to give you.."He handed me the small bouquet, wrapped in cellophane "It's uh... been treated by pesticides. A shit ton of pesticide, like, a small squirrel wouldn't survive it.. and then it was washed. Like thirty times. I doubt they'll be alive by morning, but they're clean.. just for you."

"...How did you know I liked orchids?" I asked, sounding as disengaged as I could manage

"I asked Adelaide.. she says you used to have them planted in the window boxes.."

"Oh..."

"And I.. I got you a cake.. chocolate. Just like you liked." He picked up a grocery bag from beside his feet and set it down on the counter for me, distractedly sweeping his warm-toned hair to the side "..I'm so sorry. I know I ruined your birthday, I never would've done that if I had realized. I don't know what went through my head, I think I just compared you to my.."

"Normal friends?"

"Not normal, you know that's not what I mean. My friends that can handle that sort of thing. It was really stupid of me, I know.. I just feel awful, I wanted you to have a good birthday"