Asher & Julia| 16+✔️

Chapter 72

6 Months Later

Asher's POV

Listening to the steady beep of the monitor as my mother sleeps peaceful for the first time in a week without waking up in pain. The cancer has spread and none of the treatments have worked, Chemotherapy worked first time but is came back and this time it came back a lot harder and hit my mother like a truck. This past six months have been the hardest days of my life, watching your mother in pain or drugged up to ease the pain is the worst thing ever. I don't know how to help her, I'm trying to be here as much as possible and make her comfortable, if the doctors and nurses weren't here I don't think I could cope. 

Camila has been working two jobs then coming here right after or when she can, somedays I think she forgets to eat since her weight has dropped massively. When she comes here at night I make sure to have food ready or she wont eat. She's working so hard to gain money to pay for college she hasn't completed, medical bills for herself and mum, I offered to help with college but she refused saying it's something she has to do it on her own. I'm so proud of her for working hard but I wish it was for something she loved doing and not for this horrible situation, I'm glad she's helping because even my income couldn't pay every single bill right away, I wish i could but I can't and I'm grateful Cam is by my side. 

I kiss my mum's forehead before heading to the small shop in the hospital to get food for Cam, she's finishing work soon so I want to make sure she eats. I buy her a sandwich, chips and a drink, I pick up a few other things like candy. It's expensive in here. 

When I head back up to my mother's room she's still sleeping, I place everything on the table and sit back down on the chair beside the bed. I scroll through my phone seeing everyone pregnant, getting engaged or splitting up and people ranting. Out of curiosity I check Julia's Instagram, It's not like I'm doing it once a week...or anything like that. 

Scrolling through her pictures of her smiling or posing with her friends in her signature boots, In a few she's wearing the ones I got her but I noticed she hasn't wore them recently. I stop on a photo from three weeks ago, that Glen boy is kissing her cheek as she laughs holding the side of his face. When I click on his profile that was tagged, he has a recent one of her laying on a couch staring off to the side as her legs lay on his, her hair tied in a messy bun. The caption says Nothing can beat sitting home on a Friday night with my girl. I clear my throat and lock my phone ignoring the jealousy stirring inside of me. Great...she has moved on while I still can't think of being with another girl, after being with endless girls and finally having Julia I've realised how it should feel with someone, passionate and so fucking amazing that I want to be with no one else but her. I should block her from everything after the stunt she pulled six months ago, continuing to look on her social media only makes it harder. I unlock my phone hovering over the block button to her instagram page. 

"Asher", My mother's voice croaky and lifeless as she calls my name, her hand reaching out for me.

I grab her hand after dropping my phone onto my lap, I lean on the edge of the bed clenching her hand with both of my hands, "Are you okay? Do you want me to get the doctor?" 

She shakes her head, "Where's Camila?", her voice so quiet. 

"She should be on her way" I tell her and she pouts as her eyes begin to water. 

"Mum, what's wrong? Are you in pain?" 

She shakes her head barely, "I want you to know something. I'm sorry if i was a terrible mother to you, I sorry I ever made you think I wasn't proud of you because I've always been proud of you, with all my heart. I've never been ashamed to call you my son, I've been grateful to call you my son...my beautiful boy" 

"Mum, please don't say that as if you're leaving" 

She smiles weakly, "I love you Asher, so much" her tear slowly runs down her cheek, I can feel my own vision blur as my mother continues, "I'll always love you"

"I love you too, mum", my own tears fall. Her hand slowly reaches up cupping my cheek and wiping the tears away.

"I wish I could watch you both find someone that makes you happy, I wish I could be there as you both get married or have children" 

I shake my head, not now...this can't be happening now, "Tell Camila"  

I nod biting on my lip trying to hold back my sobs, "Please don't let go of yourself, you worked so hard and make sure Camila doesn't either. I'm so proud at how far you both have come and I wouldn't trade you both for the world", I let out a sob closing my eyes tightly shut, I know what's coming and I don't think I can handle it.

"Sing to me, baby" She rubs her thumb back and forth on my cheek, I shake my head but she begs, "Please"  her voice cracks. 

"Somewhere.. over the rainbow" I barely get out holding back my cries that badly want to come out, I can't believe this. 

"Tell Camila, I'm sorry" She quietly says, I nod continue the song she would always sing to Camila and I. 

I grab her other hand holding both of her hands as I hold them close to my face as tears fall and my shaky voice sings, the beep on the monitor is steady becoming slower and slower. When I hear the loud beep that is never ending I continue to sing clamping my eyes shut swaying side to side. I can't continue singing anymore so I break down into tears, loud cries is all that is heard over the flatline. 

I hear the door open and I know it's nurses, a few seconds later I hear another set of footsteps and a whimper, I know it's Camila. She sits down beside me crying into my arm as her hand holds mine that is still holding mums. 

"No" Camila cries.

* 

Sitting on the couch staring at a tv show I'm unsure of because I'm not actually watching it. My mind has been blank for hours, Camila is upstairs in her room and wanted to be alone. I told her I'm here if she needs me. I was wrong about seeing my mother in pain is the worst, losing her is far more worse. I could bare losing my father because he was a piece of shit to me but losing a mother that was nothing but the sweetest hurts like hell. How can people survive this? Is there a way of copying? I only have my sister left, she's the only family I have left so I can't lose her...I just can't. I have my grandparents but they live all the way in Florida and I'm not close to them.

I lay down on the couch staring into space, I shouldn't have moved away...I should have come here straight away when finding out about her cancer because then I would've had more time with her and not just phone call and video calls. I thought the heartbreak of Julia was bad, this is worse. It makes me feel alone again. I've lost so many people, most of the time it was my fault but now it just feels like I'm unlucky...or maybe I'm still being punished.

*

The funeral was small, only Cam, my grandparents, Aiden and Julia was there. Cam and I barely spoke to anyone, our grandparents were so heartbroken saying a child should never outlive the parents. They stayed a few nights or more..I'm not entirely sure but they helped us by making us dinner and cleaning our clothes which we couldn't seem to do. I couldn't look at anyone, especially Julia. She tried talking to me but I ignored and walked the other way. I feel numb and I don't know how to cope but at the same time I'm trying to be there for Cam. Camila is beating herself up for not being there to say goodbye but she couldn't have known because I didn't think it would come so soon. I'll be going back to New York soon but It won't stop me calling her everyday to make sure she's fine, I just can't lose her too. 

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