Reviewer- cwang1
Pros:
- I like how you used a lot of description; this really helps the scene play out in the reader's head, and to help people visualize it.
- I actually really like your preface, and how you introduced the story. It really set the right tone for the rest of the book, and was a great start!
- I think your cover also sets the right mood for the story; it's dark, a little mysterious, and somewhat haunting.
- Though there were a few punctuation errors, I thought that, overall, your dialogue was actually really good. It moved the story along, and added to the plot.
- I like how you ended your chapters. It didn't feel awkward or anything, and each chapter connected smoothly to the next.
Cons:
- I wouldn't recommend having so much text on your cover. Most of the readers won't be able to read it, so it doesn't really add to the cover. I would just suggest that you have the title, author, and maybe a few (no more than 5) describing the book. A lot of authors actually opt-out on the last one, so you don't need to do it.
- I spotted a few format/punctuation errors in the title and cover. I'm not sure if this is taught differently around the world or something, but I believe that you usually do not put a space between the word before the colon and the colon. Basically, you don't need a space between "D-DAY" and the colon in your title.
- Also, I noticed that sometimes you put spaces at random places and didn't put commas where necessary. I'm sure this was unintentional, so I'm just going to ask you to check over your chapters and blurb, just to make sure that there aren't any errors.
- I also noticed that you wouldn't put the right punctuation in dialogue sometimes. Again, pretty much the only way to fix this is just to read over your work. This is really important to make sure that everything is perfect for your readers.
- I thought some of the names were a bit confusing, with the groups, the Sargent, the positions, etc. Sometimes, I would get a little bit lost, so I would recommend making it clearer who is who at the very beginning.
- I would recommend you break up your paragraphs so that it is easier for a reader to read. Often, a casual reader can get annoyed if the text is in one big block.
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