hi i'm not dead just really busy
Lisa's been avoiding me since the last party we've been invited to. Did I do something wrong or inappropriate? I don't get it. Jack and Elijah's party was great or maybe, it wasn't that great.
I don't know anymore.
The only thing that I know is that I had drunk a lot with Chaeyoung in a tiny cabin hanging in a tree all night. That's it, nothing bad happened. Or is it the case? I had a huge blackout after Lisa drove me home. I feel like I did something and it's so frustrating to not remember it. Yesterday I tried to reach Lisa, but she's not answering any of my calls or text messages.
I really don't get it.
As far as I can remember, we didn't leave each other in bad terms. I spent the whole night with the blondie waitress talking about how Lisa makes me feel vulnerable and flustered.
When Chaeyoung asked me about what are the things that I liked bout Lisa, I realized it took me quite a long time to admit myself she didn't leave me indifferent.
I was always envious of her looks, but I never thought that I could be attracted to her until those last few months. Lisa is just... so... pretty. Her big round doe-eyes are one of the features I love the most about her. I was always envious about her plump lips to her cute button nose.
And now, I miss her.
I think something's wrong with me. I don't want this, but I want her. It's terrifying and painful to admit. I'm scared of being in love with someone that will probably destroy my whole life.
But she... keeps my heart warm.
I can no longer imagine myself with anyone but a specific blonde girl with a beautiful pair of round brown eyes. It scares me to think that, but it's true. I can feel deep in my bones that I'm not pretending. I can't convince myself anymore that I don't want to hug her, kiss her, and wake up every morning with her beside me.
I want to love Lisa, but does she still share the same desire? Perhaps, I'm too late. I've always believed that love was all about timing. There's a high chance that our time has already passed. She loved me for a long time, and now, that's my turn to love her back.
I don't think we were meant to love each other at the same time. I shouldn't have developed those feelings for her and I feel... terrible about myself.
Would people love me the same?
I'm scared. No, I'm terrified that people will start looking at me differently. I just want them to see me like a normal person, is it too much to ask?
Judith is right. I need time to accept myself. One month is not enough, I need more time. This is really hard. Lisa probably went through the same state I'm having right now and I wonder how she got out of this.
My parents would never approve. I know deep in my heart that they will try to change my mind and there's nothing that could change theirs.
"Deep in your thoughts, huh?" Jisoo asks me all of a sudden.
I shoot her a confused look before taking a sip of my lukewarm chocolate coffee. Since we landed in Toulouse – one of the most appreciated cities of France, – I can't stop thinking about Lisa and Jisoo is starting to notice that I don't listen to anything she says.
She frowns at me while I give her a bright smile.
"What? I was just thinking about," I pause and gulp discreetly. "Stuff."
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Being one of the most hottest model in South Korea with a great group of friends, Jennie Kim wouldn't want to change anything in her life. For her best friend's bachelorette party, Jennie is the organizer and she wants everything to be perfect. In...