chapter sixteen

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this time, we are in lisa's mind :)


My life is a total mess.

First thing first, I just had a near death experience which is not the best thing thay could happen in a lifetime.

My father tried to call me this morning but I didn't answer. I don't know if I would have enough courage to face him after what he did to me. Unfortunately for me, he's not the only trouble I'm having right now.

The second problem is a certain person who hates me for loving girls: Jennie Kim.

Everyone knows that name. She's been a successful model for years and she has no scandals on her record. When I debuted as a model, everyone treated me differently because Jennie introduced me as her childhood best friend. Therefore, I have been privileged a lot because here, she is seen as the queen – an example to follow.

Throughout all the years we've been through, Jennie always treated me as her best friend's little sister. She would try to warn me about boys and even give me advice on how to be an outstanding model. In the beginning, I didn't mind it but as time passes by, I am starting to be annoyed over her maternal protection.

She keeps looking at me as if I was still an immature teenager with braces. I am a grown adult now and only have a year apart! I can take my own decisions and also, I can date whoever I want. Jennie doesn't like the fact that I love both women and men. What's the big deal about it? I know she is not a big fan of the LGBT community that is why I didn't want to tell her about my sexual orientation. Now that she knows, she's looking at me as if I am not the same Lisa she used to know.

I am still me.

I just didn't shout from the rooftops that I can think of girls as potential lovers. She's being over-dramatic and one thing that I strongly disagree is her preconceived ideas.

My sexuality was not a fucking choice.

I almost slapped her in my thoughts when she said that. I can't believe I used to admire her as my role model. If I had realized sooner that her mind is that fucked up, I wouldn't have wasted my time on praising her.

A part of me said I should have expected this kind of reaction from her but I was hoping she would accept me.

Elijah was also close-minded when it came to same-sex couples. The day I told her, I didn't really end up in a good shape but now she's starting to be more accepting which is great. I consider her as the woman who raised me so her opinion is very important to me.

As for Jennie, I was terrified to know what she will think of me once she'll found out. Well, I recently found out that she sees me as someone 'disgusting' who made the worst sin on earth.

It hurts.

I'll be lying if I say I wasn't disappointed by her reaction. She didn't beat me but her words were as hurtful as a knife on the back. .

With a spasm around my throat, I look at her. She wants to say something but I can't bear the look on her face anymore. Her gaze is burning me slowing. I need to go and be away from her. I close the door behind me and walk into my room before collapsing on the bed, tears pouring out.

It fucking hurts.

I should have expected her disapproval because she never thought of it in a good way. Elijah told me that she used to be a permanent member of an association who demonstrate against same-sex marriage. Even though we never talk about it since she saw me with Nicole at Rosie's coffee shop, I know she doesn't support this.

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