chapter five

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This is bad, really bad. I can't look at Lisa in the eyes anymore and it's starting to bother me. A part of me should be unconcerned about her because it's just a way of living and loving for somehow, but I feel like I can change her mind. She thinks this is right but the truth is, this is so wrong. When Elijah told Chaeyoung she needed to speak to me, I knew that it would be about Lisa.

It's always about her.

As we leave the kitchen, I look at the surroundings to make sure that no one is listening to us. I walk to the living room and turn my body to face Elijah. She looks at me, mouth frowning but eyes soft. She can't be mad at me for not accepting Lisa because she knows that I don't really appreciate the LGBT thing.

"You need to talk to her Jennie...," she says meekly.

I cross my arms and fall to the comfy sofa causing me to let out a little sigh of exasperation. It irritates me when people tell me what to do as if I was still a kid.

"There's nothing to talk about," I shrug and brush my hair behind my ears.

"You do that when you're nervous," she declares.

"What ?"

"You touch your hair when you're nervous or stressed," she responds causing me to scratch the back of my neck.

Damn it, she knows me too well. I grimace while she chuckles lightly. The atmosphere has softened which I'm relieved.

She pinches her lips, puts her hand behind her back and glances at her shoes. I can't help it but notice how she seems tense and shy. "Promise me you'll talk to her please."

I don't want to ruin our friendship because of this.

"Fine," I sigh causing her to look at me in surprise.

She was not expecting me to give up that easily because I'm pretty much the type of person that stays on one side and never leaves. Her grin softens into something genuine. "Thank you so much."

I get up from the sofa and touch her shoulder. "I'm hungry so move your ass and serve me pastas," I smile causing her to laugh.

When we got back, everyone was there and waiting for us. They prepared everything from the cooked pasta to the table. We spend the rest of the day catching up about every little anecdote we had for the past few months. It was refreshing and fun to have those moments with them. Except for Lisa, I don't see them a lot because I'm constantly traveling for work and my manager does not give me a lot of holidays. This trip would be my first day-off in years. I'm grateful that it's starting great. Chaeyoung told us how she got stuck in the closet while working and then, Irene had encountered the same experience but with an elevator.

*****

My eyelids are getting heavier as time goes by and tiredness is already having an effect on my whole body. The sofa is so comfortable and warm. I'm thinking about sleeping here tonight. The crackling of the fireplace is soothing and the bright color of the flames is quite captivating to look at. What a beautiful sight. This is what I needed the most, and I finally had it.

After all these years of living in constant stress, I have a moment to rest and contemplate the wood burn.

I would have liked to spend this time with my soulmate.

Someone gently places a cup of tea on the low table as if she was afraid to scare me. When I lift my head and meet her soft brown eyes, I turn my attention back to the fireplace. A silence settles until I see her sits on a leather armchair with the corner of my eyes. She tightens her blanket around her slender body and judging about the way she sighs while looking at the fire, she does not feel happy to be with me. I have always been jealous of her well-proportioned body. Her biggest charms are her long slender legs, plumps lips, toned abdomen, and round doe-eyes.

"I can't sleep," she says to me as if she felt the need to justify her presence here.

I give her a furtive glance and decide to keep silent. I'm too tired to be angry at her and deal with her speech of 'I didn't choose to love girl'. We plan to go to the beach tomorrow morning and hang out at a bar in the evening. I need some sleep before I become a zombie or something like this.

"Why are you here ?" I ask abruptly.

She looks for several seconds at the fireplace before turning her head towards me.

Part of her face is illuminated by the reflection of flames making her brown eyes sparkle. She pinches her plump lips and lowers her voice as if she was scared of waking up the girls. "Elijah told me to talk to you."

I don't know what to say about this whole subject and I'm not in the mood for a three o'clock conversation.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Jennie ... I'm not asking you to accept me for who I am. I just want you to stop looking at me like that," she sighs causing me to blow out a frustrated breath.

"What's wrong with my look ?" I ask while arching an eyebrow.

I tilt my head to the side and cross my arms against my chest. She looks at me as if I'd lost my mind before responding with a cold tone.

"You look at me like I'm a stranger."

"Go to sleep. We'll talk about it later," I say.

That talk won't happen, I will try my best to avoid this subject because it's making me feel uncomfortable. I don't like when it comes to same sex couple, I just can't talk about it as if it was something normal. It's not something that we should commoditized.

"Look at me," she orders me.

I keep my eyes on the fireplace. I don't like the tone she used to talk to me. She's starting to be disrespectful towards me even if I can blow her whole career with a simple call. She thinks she can stand up to me because we've known each other for years but I'm no longer lenient with her anymore.

"Don't tell me what to do." I bark and glare at her with a furious glare. "I'm the one who gave you fame. I can crush your career in a second if I want to."

"I worked hard to be where I am today," she says while frowning her eyebrows.

"Yeah, so don't blow it because of your new lifestyle."

She gets up from the leather armchair and walks towards me. Her dark eyes are making me feel conscious that I made her upset. I clench my jaw until she stops in front of me.

"It's not a fucking new lifestyle. I loved girls since forever. It just took me a while to have the courage to admit it."

"I don't wanna fight," I sigh and get up from the sofa.

I guess I won't spend the night here. When I was about to leave, she grabs my wrist and forces me to look at her. With a pounding heart, I meet her brown doe eyes once again.

"You don't understand. You fucking don't, okay? You pretend to know everything but you don't know a damn thing about what I feel." she stares at me with a look full of despair.

I slap her hand on my wrist and step towards her.

"Fuck whoever you want, I don't care anymofd. I don't accept it and will never accept this side of you. You have to deal with it because I'm done talking to you," I tell her.

She looks at me with her mouth hanging, totally dumbfounded. I grit my teeth before leaving her.

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