chapter thirty-nine

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"It's been a while since we saw each other. I have to say that it's nice to see you, Jennie. How are you?" my psychologist Judith asks me with a warm smile.

For the past few months, I never had the time to settle up a meeting with her. Judith has been my psychologist a few months after I tried to end my life. I think she understands me more than myself, and her advises has always been great. I saw a lot of psychologists before her, and at our first meeting, she impressed me.

In less than ten minutes, she knew that I was going through a hard time and it was better for me to talk about things that I love instead of my problem. The other psychologists were not that perceivable as her and made me feel guilty about being depressed.

"I'm doing fine actually. I don't have certain thoughts in my head for a while, you know? I've been... fine with myself. I guess it comes from the fact that I'm taking a long break from work."

She smiles at me and puts her notebook on her desk.

"That's great, Jennie. Taking vacations from time to time is good for your mental health, but also your body. You look more than fine to me. Is there a reason for your visit today?"

I bite my bottom lip and shift a little bit on the dark brown sofa.

"Well..., hum, my mother told me to see you because... she wanted to make sure I'm not depressed or something like that," I tell her, trying my best to be clear.

Judith chuckles lightly.

"Do you have any panic attacks lately?"

"No," I shake my head.

"Do you have dark thoughts?"


"Do you have any difficulties to concentrate?"


"Did you lose appetite?"


"Are you having trouble sleeping?"

"Not anymore," I shake my head once again.

I'm not lying because I know she will eventually find out if I try. I've been completely honest with her and I feel... proud for not having all of this symptoms. I don't feel like I need to see a psychologist because I've been fine with myself for the past few months.

I'm just seeing her so I can reassure my mother.

"Seems like good news to me. Have you met someone recently?" she asks me with a polite smile.

I bite my bottom lip as I dig into my memories.

"A few people actually. They're all Taehyung's friends," I respond and put my arm on the armrest.

She nods before writing a few words in her notebook. I don't need to introduce Taehyung because she already knows everyone who has an important place in my heart. She lifts her head up to see me and looks at me as if she is trying to decipher what's going on inside my head.

"Did someone among Taehyung's friends caught your attention?"

I instantly thought about Kai. The sight of his cocky grin floating in my head is already making me angry.

"Yeah, but not in a good way. He's a jerk," I tell her.

She tilts her head and frowns slightly.

"Did he do something that upset you?"

I inhale deeply, "Not really. He's got his eyes all over Lisa and... I don't trust him. He's giving me some kind of cheater-asshole guy vibe."

"Are you jealous?"

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