chapter two

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Why, Lisa?

Why did you do that?

I feel numb. My body is petrified on the spot and there's an intense pain running down my throat to the core of my heart; it feels like someone is holding me to crush every bone of mine. I have never felt so betrayed in my entire life. Lisa tricked me well by telling me some dumb stories of boys she loved in high school or her previous boyfriends. How could I have been so blind by her lies? I trusted her. It can't be possible, there must be a good reason behind it.

She can't be... no, that's impossible. That can't happen.

I need to understand why she did it. This girl in this diner is not the Lisa I know and love. My Lisa is the cheerful girl that loves to joke around and play with her cats all day. She can't be like those people. With each passing second looking at the same-sex couple talking, I grew more furious until Lisa turns her head. Our eyes lock and she looks like a deer caught in the headlights. She breaks our gaze and walks away as fast as she can causing the spoiled girl to frown. A part of me said I shouldn't have been surprised to see that Lisa couldn't face me, and yet here I was.

"Jennie?" my friend calls me and I turn to her. "What's bothering you? You look like you saw something terrible. You want a drink ?" she leans her head to the side, analyzing me.

I give her a forced smile and decline her offer with a nod. There's only one thing in my mind right now: find Lisa. I need to talk to her and there's no way I'm waiting any longer.

"I gotta go, see you tomorrow." I tell her.

Chaeyoung seems confused at my sudden humor but she does not pay too much attention. I bid her goodbye and leave the restaurant. I take a deep sigh and clench my jaw when the cold air of winter whips my face. I should have to wear a scarf. After scolding myself internally, I walk to my car and go straight to the apartment where Lisa shares with Elijah.

I don't know what I would do when I will be in front of her. Should I slap her, ground her or... do nothing? I never faced this kind of situation. My friends are all straight so I didn't encounter this problem to solve. Lisa is my first and hopefully my last. I feel so powerless thinking about her. No matter how many times, I tried to convince myself that she is just a kid experimenting dumb things, I know deep down that she is a grown woman.

She is fully aware of what happened.

"This is so fucked up," I curse at myself before parking in front of their apartment.

I can't turn back. My heart racing fast against my rib cage, I go up the stairs until I walk to their front door. I'm starting to get anxious. Should I knock or step inside with rage? I curse again before entering the apartment. Elijah is not in the living room which is a good thing, I need to reach Lisa without interruption.

I mindlessly walk towards her room and my heart skips a beat when I saw her sitting on her bed as if she was waiting for me. She has her head down and is currently playing with her fingers. She raises her head and we look at each other. There's a spark in her eyes as if she is on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry," that's all she can say.

She seems devastated causing me to feel guilty for breaking her into pieces. I want to hug her but I can't. She did something wrong and I can't let that happen again. I take a step towards her and frown at how weak she looks under my gaze.

"You're sorry?"

"I-I didn't choose...," she says with a scared look on hee brown eyes.

I laugh at how absurd this sounds like. I thought she was more realistic but I guess I was wrong. Loving someone is a choice. I can't believe she said that bullshit. How is she acting like this? I don't recognize her. She seems to be a whole different person... or maybe I was too blind to notice. As a ray of sunlight caresses her long blonde hair, I stare at her.

"Don't tell me you're gay," I say without hesitation causing her to look at me.

Her silence makes me mad. I don't want her to ruin her life because she is important to me. Elijah won't forgive her. She hates the LGBT community more than me. There was a time, she has beaten a transgender girl when we were in high school. I had tried to interrupt the fight along with Chaeyoung but it ended badly. The girl was transported to hospital and Elijah was expelled. She never regretted it and always told me that she did the right decision. Lisa is not aware that this kind of sexual orientation, once found out, will be chaotic. It takes me a further few moments to step towards her. She looks at me with a frown before I trail my fingers down to her collarbone and lift her collar of her shirt.

"Don't fucking tell me you're a dyke."

I see her swallow her saliva causing me to harden my features. She wants me to be calm because I have known her for years but I'm not scared of using my fists. Lisa is starting to feel anxious as she clenches her jaw and pinches her plump lips.

"You're hurting me, Jennie," she says to me, not looking away from me.Her comment takes my breath away as I look down at my arms. I was too overwhelmed with anger that I did not notice that my nails dig into her skin when I took her shirt. My mouth falls open and I let her go.

"What's going on ?" someones interrupts us from behind.

Lisa gets up from her bed and passes by me. It lasted a few seconds but it was enough for me to see her blurry eyes and the quick movement she did to dry her tear on her left cheek.

"Ask Jennie," she says before quitting her room.

I want to follow her but I feel like Elijah and I need to talk. She seems worried and afraid of something. It's not in her usual self. I sit on the bed and Elijah joins me. Thinking about Lisa makes my heartache. We live in a country where same-sex marriage is allowed but not accepted by everyone. What would they think her once they find out about who she likes? I'm sure she will get hate, a lot of hate.

"Please don't tell me she's gay," I sigh, hoping that it will be the case.

"She's not," Elijah says causing me to look at her. "She's bi."

I let out a low groan and fall on the smooth bed. I hear my best friend chuckling before following me. I bite my lips and look at the ceiling.

"How long did you know ?" I ask.

It seems like Elijah already found out about Lisa's dirty little secret. I'm surprised that she is cool about it as if she was not a member of an association against gay people in her high school years.

"Last year. We were laying on this specific bed, eating a bunch of shitty foods," she says to me, I look at her but she was looking at the ceiling with a smile plastered on her lips. "I had drunk a few beers and we decided to play a little game. We asked ourselves some dumb questions until Lisa told me how she fell in love with a girl."

It is hard to imagine Lisa Manoban in love with someone, especially with a boy. As far as I can remember, she is known to not be stuck in a relationship and flirts with anyone. At that time, I thought it was just silly when she complimented girls in our agency.

"You didn't get angry ?"

Her smile disappears as soon as I ask this question.

"I did," she admits with a voice full of regret. 

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