My Best Friend's the God of Mischief // Peter x Loki

blow away like smoke in air

"I have to do this," he added after a pause, still not turning around to face Peter.

"I can do it for you," Peter offered, even if he knew what the answer would be. I took you here. Like you asked. So I'm already in this and I'd be more than happy to do this for you. If you could just allow me to. For you.

Loki shook his head. "It has to be me." Judged by his voice he was chuckled, though wryly, bitterly.

Peter mouthed all right, knowing Loki couldn't see him, anyway. When Loki started walking, Peter kept silent as he followed his friend into the graveyard. The memorial-of-some-sort site where the memories, of the lives Loki took during his invasion, remained.

Loki stopped in front of a tombstone. Peter did, too, staying behind him with proper distance. According to what was said in the news, the person lying six feet under died by Loki's hands. And even if Loki never saw their face, he just knew he had been haunted by their ghost, that was, until Stephen banished said revengeful spirit with his spell for Loki's sake. Somehow that made it even worse. You wronged them once when you killed them. You wronged them again when you had their unrest ghost locked away for your own sake. Loki gulped, swallowing back a sob. He knew he was trembling and he knew Peter saw that. Peter not making a comment about anything at all was almost like a mercy.

In Loki's hand there was a flower. He, after a moment's silence, placed it in front of the stone. Loki stayed there, on his knees, in a black suit. From where Peter stood he saw his friend's lips moving. Loki was saying something to the stone, only that it was too quiet for Peter, even with his extra-hearing ability, to make out. And Peter didn't want to pry; he simply stood there, keeping his distance, because that was what Loki asked — for someone to be here so he wouldn't have to be alone. Peter's being here was enough.

He let Loki take his time. If Loki wanted to leave then they'd go, or if he wanted a shoulder to cry on, then Peter was here. It was...about Mister Loki. After about half an hour, Loki turned to him. He wasn't crying, but his eyes were teary still. "I think," Loki said quietly, "I think I want to go home now,"

"Sure," Peter nodded. "All right, we'll go then."

~~~

The ride back to the compound was spent in silence. Peter behind the wheel and Loki riding shotgun. There were... many things to be said. Or at least Peter had many things he wanted to say to Loki. It wasn't your fault, being one of them. Though Pete knew better than that. Right now, his friend didn't want comforting words. He could use that another time. Right now, though, Loki just wanted comfort silence, and Peter was granting him that.

"Loki?" Thor seemed a littlest surprised when he saw them entering the building. Home. "Where have you been? I've been looking for you,"

Thor did look for him. Though Thor had been doing that a lot after... everything that happened. He just wanted to know where Loki was and that he was okay. So his not being able to find Loki when he and Peter were out for a trip to the cemetery was undeniably worrying to Thor.

"I'm fine," was Loki's short answer before he walked past his brother, heading toward his room. By the look on his face, Thor could tell his brother was anything but fine.

"What happened?" Thor turned to ask Peter. "Where were you guys?"

"Out," Peter said after a moment, which was... not good enough an answer, and Peter knew that. He simply didn't know if it was his place to tell where they'd been. If Loki wanted to, he could tell Thor himself.

Thor, thankfully, didn't push. Parts of Peter liked to think it was because Thor had grown to trust him. If Loki was in trouble, Peter would tell him. And Peter was doing his best not to abuse that trust.

~~~

Peter had expected Loki to come to him that night. His not showing up was both surprising and concerning, given the fact Loki was clearly not well after today's event.

So Peter went to his room instead. "Mister Loki?" He knocked to utter silence from the other side. Peter was about to knock again when the door slowly opened on its own. Loki's magic, it appeared. He invited himself inside, the room was dim and there his friend was; Loki sitting on the edge of the bed with his fox pet in his arms. Though he didn't turn to look at Peter nor did he acknowledge the kid in any way. Peter reflectively studied him and it seemed Loki was simply... not here. Mentally. He kept staring blankly at the wall, his hand absentmindedly running through Zeus' fur.

"Mister Loki?" Peter said again. And slowly, eventually, Loki turned to look at him. "Sir, you okay?" It was a stupid question and Peter knew it. Of course, the trip to the cemetery affected him.

"They were dead," Loki said. His voice was hoarse, like he had spent the last hour screaming into the pillow. "They should've had a whole life ahead of them. I took that away, and their spirits," Loki turned away from Peter, his head tilted backward to rest against the headboard. "Even their spirits don't even get to cross over and... find peace. Again, it's because of me."

"You can't blame yourself," Peter said, now climbing up to sit next to him.

Loki chuckled and Peter heard pain in it. "Who else, then, were to blame?"

The first name that popped up in Peter's head was Thanos. But Peter wasn't sure how Loki would react, if Peter were to say the name out loud. Because Loki was broken and vulnerable, and Peter knew to be mindful with what he chose to speak. "You weren't yourself back then," he said. "Your hands were tied."

"Still it were my hands that were covered in their blood."

"All of ours were."

Loki glanced at Peter after a while. And Peter continued, "we fought trying to save everyone but in the end, we just can't. When we failed, when people died, their blood was on our hands. It sucks, but it happens."

To that Loki didn't respond. He didn't protest when Peter leaned in and rested his head on Loki's shoulder. Loki did close his eyes and savored the comfort.

"All we can do," Peter said, "is be the best persons we can be. That's how we can honor them."

"Will it ever be enough?" Loki asked without opening his eyes. He leaned in, too. So his head simply rested on top of Peter's.

"Probably not," Peter said. "But at least we're doing our best."

///

Author's note: I know I've been putting Loki through hell lately. Oof. I wish I had an excuse, but I guess at this point hurting Loki is in my nature now. BUT I promise things will get better for the poor bean in the next chapter... okay, I can't really promise, but I will try my best. Just hang in there. It will get better. I'm not that cruel.