Virgil's Journal (Sander Sides | Prinxiety)

21

22nd july 2020

So, over the past 2 days, Princey has been helping me with my panic attacks. I told him about almost every one. Almost.
Don't get me wrong, I trust him. He's definitely deserving of it, but I get these depressive episodes where all I do is be self-deprecating. This normally happens after overthinking.

Shit, I should probably tell Dr. Picani about this. Oh well..

Anyway, I just wanted to write down how helpful Princey has been.

All of the times I do tell him about the attacks he respects my boundaries and only texts me since I'm not comfortable with him seeing me like that and all.

But, one thing that really helps is hearing his voice. He sent me a voice note the last time I had an attack which said:
"Okay, Vee, I need you to breathe for me. Remember our method? In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. Please give it a try. I don't know what caused this attack but- uh, it might help.
Virgil, you are loved, cared about and your feelings are validated. Please know that. Please. I'm here for you.., I'm just a few doors down- so you know I'm never that far away. You're gonna be ok.."

His voice was calm and soft, lessening his formal accent. I can tell he's really trying to help me which made me happy in some way. Of course, after every time he helps I thank him constantly until he starts to tease me for it.

Whenever he speaks that uncomfortable feeling always comes back- it's like a wave of lots of different pleasant and unpleasant emotions at once. It sucks. But at the same time I love it.

Ugh, I need to talk to Picani.

I think I'm sick or something..