Virgil's Journal (Sander Sides | Prinxiety)

17

16th july 2020
tw

This is it.. the big day. And I can't seem to get out of my fucking room. Bitch, why the hell cant my anxiety just GO AWAY.

I have to go in a few hours. Princey is trying to drag me out of my room while i'm telling him to fuck off. Of course, Patton is trying to make me stop swearing.

But I can't help it, I'm frustrated and on the verge of a panic attack.

I'll tell you in detail..

"Oh, Virgil! Do come out, we need everyone there! We only have a few hours left." The Prince demands, trying his hardest to be nice.

"Piss off.." I yell into my pillow, dreading the audition.

"KIDDO! LANGUAGE! I WILL LET YOU OFF ON A WARNING!" Patton screeched. I sit up on my bed, hugging my knees, reality kicking in. Oh shit. This is happening. I can't breathe. Shit. No, no, no. Not now- not when they're just outside the door. CALM THE HECK DOWN.

Sure enough I was slowly having an anxiety attack, Princey still trying to convince me to come out on the other side.

"Virge, come on! I get you're anxiety and all but can you just chill out for ONCE?! We need Thomas to go to this! We're just waiting on you!" He called out. That did NOT help. That's it- i'm having a full on panic attack now. It feels like i'm out of control, like somebody's torture pet.
"This isn't funny, Anx! Come out of you room."

I tried to respond but how could I when I couldn't even breathe.

"Emo? You good? You better have an actual reason to not respond to me!" Oh trust me, Ro.. I do, "That's It I'm coming in."

"N-.. N-No" After a sharp inhale I finally mange's to get those words out in a panic, not wanting anyone to find out what I'm going through- they will laugh, think I'm weak.

"Vee?.. What's wrong? Do you need help?" He said, growing more concerned on each word that rolled off his tongue. I swallowed my tears, taking another sharp breath.

"N-noth-.. nothing."

"Ok, yeah. I'm coming in."

"N-.." I stopped speaking, knowing if I went any further, I would choke. My mindset was only growing worse by the second. My arms rested on my knees that were hugged up against my chest, head down, my left hand gripping my hair with a new-found strength. I didn't even notice the princely man was already in my room.

"V-Virgil?.." He said, walking closer, a look of realisation painted on his face. "Oh shit, um.. panic attack?" I nodded at his careful words.
"Can I touch you?" He spoke, confidence regaining in his voice.

He placed his hand on my shoulder, his grip soft and gentle.
"V, can you look at me?" He said, hushing his tone.
I reluctantly picked my head up, carefully looking into his eyes as if they were cursed. His attempted smile dropped into a frown, a softness in his eyes I rarely see.
"I need you to breathe in for four seconds, okay?"

I nod, trying, but failing a couple of times. As I held my breath he told be to hold it for 7. I followed his request.

"Okay.. you're doing amazing, Vee." He smiled, "Now, just breathe out for eight."

I did this and repeated it, slowly feeling my breathing pattern return to normal.

"See? You did great, you're gonna be okay." He rubbed my shoulder reassuringly just before I weakly wrapped him in a hug, thankful that he was there and instantly came to my aid.

"Th-thank you... s-so much.." I spoke brokenly, nuzzling my head into his warm chest. He gently hugged back, resting his head on top of mine.

"No need to thank me Vee, what type of prince would I be if I couldn't save my princess?"

I brushed it off, though I still felt my cheeks become heated.

"How long until we have to go?" I broke the peaceful silence.

"An hour, will you be ready for then? If not, I completely understand."

"N-no, I will be okay, Thomas needs me."

"Just don't overwork yourself, yeah?" He said, silence taking over the room once again.
"Do you get these often?"

My mind froze, contemplating whether I tell him or not.

"Uh.. y-..yeah."

"How often, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Uhm.. l-like twice a day, once if i'm l-lucky." Why the actual fuck Did I tell him that?

"Holy shit..." He said in a soft gasp. Shit, he's gonna tell the others.
"You never told anyone?"

I shook my head.

"Well, I hope you had a good reason- just know that I'm here for you if you ever need rescuing, okay?"

"O-okay. Thanks Ro.."

"No problem Vee." He said, tightening his grip on me. I never wanted this to end. I felt safe in his arms for some odd reason, I shook that off though, believing it's just because he's a prince.

—

I'll write about the audition tomorrow- I'm tired from panicking all day. Princey said I needed the rest too, so there's that...