Wandering Heart | YoonJinKook ✔️

30. You Both Failed

This chapter is very high level, as I am not taking you through the full journey of Therapy. This book is already a lot longer than it was intended to be. If you don't understand anything, ask questions, and I will answer. Hopefully, it makes some sense. For disclosure purposes, I am not a therapist, nor a life coach, this is a fanfiction. I write what flows for my books and the characters within them, not to give you advice on your personal life. So please don't take it as such, and there is no need to pull out your psychology degree on me.

Seokjin's Pov:

Hearing the therapist tell us we both failed our marriage was not what I had been expecting, I knew we did, but I was convinced that Jungkook failed our marriage even before I did. However, during our sessions over the past three months, I have discovered that it was unfair of me to ignore my family.

You were so focused on your own pain, you couldn't see or begin to acknowledge his pain. You were both suffering, both in need of help, he was reaching towards you, and you were pulling back. How did you expect to resolve anything when both of you were facing different directions? You are allowed to grieve, you are allowed to feel pain, and not be okay, but it's not okay to neglect those around you, especially the ones who are alive.

You lost a parent and a child, but in turn, you began neglecting your child and your husband. You were so far down in depression that you were blinded by everything around you, and let's be honest; you no longer cared, and it was showing itself. It happens, a tragedy no parent would want to happen, happened to you.

He cheated, but so did you. You cheated on your vows, the promises you made you were not able to keep in those moments. You shut down because of guilt, but without communication, how was he supposed to know? You only wanted to fight for your marriage when you recognized the state it was in. When it became apparent that your husband was no longer knocking at your room door begging for you to talk, bringing you meals, being the dad of the year, or playing the role of a husband, you were so used to him playing.

You woke up when the storm was already at your door. When you had the opportunity before that to fix what was broken, but you didn't. And because of that, you, along with him, contributed to the destruction of the foundation you both spent years building.

And if there are any intentions to repair what has been lost, from here on out, it's not about blaming or deciding who should carry more of the weight. It's about pulling yourself together, acknowledging you failed and recognizing you want to do better, whether it is for being the best parents you both can be, or if it is to give it another go. The decision is yours, and I cannot choose for you, and neither can he. Kim Seokjin has to know what he wants and where his future lies.

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Third person's pov:

Jungkook knew he fucked up big time with his marriage, but hearing the therapist in his one and one session made him realize how much he fucked up.

"Let me ask you something, say your son gets in a terrible accident, and this, in turn, makes him injured his spine, landing him in a wheelchair and makes him very dependent on you and Seokjin. He cries a lot, he fusses, he is needy and needs you around all the time. Do you suddenly get the thought of, I don't want to be his father anymore, and I wish I had another son, or do you do what is required as his father and be there for him, helping him, in any way you can? Or does this injury change how you view him as your son because  he is no longer what you are used to?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course, I will do what is required and continue being his father. Why would his injury change how I view him, he is still my son!"

"Hmm, interesting, that's good to know. Now, say six months down into his injury you find out that there is a hospital that has proven with treatments they could possibly help your son to walk again, be less dependent and more independent, would you try that for him?"

"I mean, of course, if it's going give him the ability to walk again, why wouldn't I?"

"Okay, understood, and make sense as a parent, I would see how you want to do that. But, what if after six months of treatment, and rehab, he is not walking, still dependent on you and they ask will you do it another six months, and this time the cost doubles, what do you say?"

Jungkook stared as his therapist, not understanding her point; of course, he is going to pay for the treatment. "I am going to pay for it."

"Sorry if this makes you a bit frustrated, but we are getting somewhere. I have one more question, what if after a year, he still doesn't make any progress, what do you do then, do you give up, or do you keep trying, and depending on which one you chose, give me your reason for choosing that."

"I am not frustrated with your questions, I just think it's silly, like why would I give up on fighting for my son to be better? As his father, I am going to do whatever it takes to make sure he gets the healing he deserves, especially if that's what he wants. I won't give up on him, what kind of a parent would that make me?"

"I am happy you said that now this brings me to my point, why did you cheat on your husband? If you wouldn't wish for another child or give up on your child, the child, you both created because the one you have is hurt and broken. Why did you think it was okay to neglect your responsibility as a husband and disrespect your vows by finding someone else to fulfill the needs that your husband was not fulfilling because he was hurting? Is it because your child is of a different value than your husband, why you did not put in the same effort as you have just indicated you would have put in for your child?"

Jungkook stared at her, not having an answer or knowing what to say, he knew he had neglected his role in being the husband he was supposed to be.

I have heard you both, I can see that there was and still a lot of pain, but the moment you cheated, you made the decision you were done trying to save your marriage. You decided that you were tired of waiting for him to get it together and be where you wanted him to be. Because you weren't seeking to dig him out of the pit he was in, what you were seeking was for him to be the husband you were used to him being.

I think it's impressive you wanted to go to therapy to fix the brokenness, but you weren't ready for that step, you convinced yourself you were, but I will tell you were not, because if you were ready, your eyes and focus would not have diverted. You wouldn't have cheated, because your focus would have been so on point, that you would have done what you needed to do for your own healing. Cheating and bringing more pain to an already broken person is not how you do therapy, and it's not how you fix your marriage. 

And unfortunately, you can't blame your husband for cheating, when you opened the door, and introduce that it was something you were okay with. You made it known in the time of neglect, cheating was an option. There are consequences for our actions in life, and regrettably, we do not get to determine how and when we are handed those consequences.

Now, if there are any intentions to repair what has been lost, from here on out, it's not about blaming or deciding who should carry more of the weight. It's about pulling yourself together, acknowledging you failed and recognizing you want to do better, whether it is for being the best parents you both can be, or if it is to give it another go. The decision is yours, and I cannot choose for you, and neither can he. Jeon Jungkook has to know what he wants and where his future lies.