Under the spotlight

Chapter 8: Envy

That night I slept very stressed. I needed to write something but I couldn't even start the first row. My sentence would end in a "feeling envy" period. When it was 2 AM and I couldn't start I decided it was better to go to sleep. Lucky me I had a nightmare, not from the fire, but from the paper. I ended up waking up at 5 AM and couldn't go back to my dreams.

The dorm was in deep silence and Sarah was in her bedroom. The sun was still down so the window only reflected the moon. I felt tired, very tired. Knowing that I had at least three hours until the Ballet class started I went outside. I had a coat over my white boring shirt and my navy blue jeans. I needed a walk to refresh my thoughts and get inspiration from somewhere. The campus was lonely, no one to be found in the near proximity. Only me, walking through the path to the Grand Stage. I had found happiness, standing there, watching the seats that someday were going to be filled with people. I imagined that like a dream, a hope that helps me move forward.

Eventually, I arrived at the Stage's building. The hallways were quiet, giving me a warm welcome and guiding me to the room I wanted to be. When I entered it I saw the reflectors on, directing their light to the center of the podium. I walked over there and smiled at the imaginary audience. Backstage were resting my Pointe shoes and my black dress that I was going to use for the competition. I started to get dressed behind a table and then I tied my shoes. The laces were very bright but dark at the same time. I looked over the floor and went there with concentration, I had to feel something. Maybe it wasn't lusting, but it was hunger. Being eager to feel it was something I could definitely relate to. I breathed in and out three times and then imagined the music starting. I was in my position and I started to do spin. Strangely I wasn't thinking about Matthew, it was only me. I touched my body and closed my eyes feeling a comfortable warmth running down my back.

I hadn't realized how hot it was, the feeling was overwhelming. I was dancing, doing the steps one by one and then when the song ended in my mind...I rested. The ecstasies I felt was amazing, it was nothing compared to what I did with Matthew. Suddenly I heard footsteps going up the stairs and turned around to see who was there. I opened my eyes in shock to see Sebastian standing there.

"That was really good" I tried to hide the smile in my face. "But you need to look less pure" I blushed to his words. "I don't buy that you had sex with your partner"

"Em..it's not about that" I said correcting him because our dance wasn't about the sex, it was about the connection between the two dancers.

"Right" He stood behind me. "Start again" I breathed and he grabbed my waist. For some reason, I felt intimidated when it was him and not Matthew the one touching me.

Without questioning him I started again. He was always behind me following my every move. It was like he actually knew the number. Our moves were flawlessly synchronized, the timing was amazing and his touch was light and perfect. I felt like flying every time he threw me in the air. It wasn't like Matthew, he did it with fear of letting me go. Sebastian knew what he was doing and there wasn't any doubt when he held me. I felt very secure in his grip. He was trying to touch me like he really wanted to take out my clothes and I would imagine him with me. Finally, the dance came to an end and I stood with Sebastian in silence, gazing at each other while he hugged me in the final position.

I stepped back and swallowed nervously. He didn't react to my state, he just brushed his hair with his hands and nodded.

"That was good" He said and started to walk away.

"Wait!" My mouth said alone. He turned around with a puzzled face. "Thanks for helping me" I said and he nodded in response. He was heading the door but before leaving he looked at me again.