desiderium- Jasper Hale

pt 27: he looked evil

"I need you to come with me," Bella exclaims as she walks into my room as I'm changing Micah's nappy. 

"Well, I've got the rest of the day off so that could happen," I tell her. "Where do you wanna go?"

"I need to find a place Edward and I used to go," She says as I groan at her. "I need some clarity, some closure and I know I'll get it there."

"Right... but what am I gonna do with Micah?" I ask her with a roll of my eyes. "Dad's gone fishing and I most certainly can't leave him here alone."

"I already called Billy," She says. "He'll take him for the rest of the day and he even said that Emily was coming over anyway so she'll probably want to take him later on."

"Well, I suppose that could work," I tell her. 

"So why the sudden urge to hike?" I ask her as I follow her steps, weaving in and out of trees and over broken stumps. 

"I went and saw Jake this morning," Bella whispers as I roll my eyes at her. 

"Bella, why would you do that?" I ask unimpressed. "Has Billy and myself not been clear enough on the matter?"

"He was my best friend," She tells me. "I didn't have anyone that I could just hang out with that didn't know the ins and outs of Edwards and my relationship. I needed a little freedom and Jake happily gave it to me."

"I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't have that with me, but at the same time, you shouldn't have to depend on another person for that freedom, happiness or value," I tell her as she turns to look at me. "You need to learn to get your worth and value from yourself, not from how others see you or how much another person loves you."

Bella pauses for a moment, dwelling on my words.

"How do you do it?" She asks. "How do you manage to be so independent? You've never cared what others think or do. Dad's opinion has always been the only one that you really cared about."

"And then Jasper happened," I tell her as I grab her arm to keep walking on. "It freaked me out... You know me. I run from responsibility and expectation, but I fell for him and I've been trying to figure myself out ever since."

"Is that why you won't take him back?" Bella asks me as I just look up at her in surprise. 

"What do you mean?" I ask her.

"I know he's come back for you," She tells me. "I know about the flowers and all the gifts."

"Right..." I whisper awkwardly. "I guess you may be right... I feel uncomfortable depending on another person. I can trust myself but I can't always trust another person to stick around, and Jasper proved that."

"But he came back," She reminds me. "He didn't disappear. He told you why he was leaving and told you he was coming back. You don't really have a leg to stand on."

"Brutal," I murmur as I let silence overcome us. 

"I would do anything for Edward to come back to me," Bella says honestly. "Even though he said he doesn't feel the same way as me, I wouldn't hesitate about taking him back."

"But don't you feel weak?" I ask her honestly. 

"No, I don't. I probably should, but I don't," She says. "You especially shouldn't feel weak. Love is extremely powerful and if you both feel exactly the same way there's no reason for your love to be abused."

For the rest of the walk, there was a blissful and comfortable walk that surrounded us. My mind was consumed and overwhelmed with all of Jasper that I couldn't think of anything else.