Until We Lose Ourselves

43

Eden was a little better by the time shooting got wrapped up. Her livestreams and other things helped the world get over the shit that had happened in the past.

She did a few covers as well, giving her fans more to talk about. It was a bit hectic, but she always made time for Jonah. They talked almost everyday, and it helped both of them. Though late at night, they might suffer because of everything in them and around them, they wouldn't think of anything when talking to each other.

Eden didn't let him know about what happened with Harry. Whenever she regretted making him leave, she would text him and he would distract her. She didn't want to go back to him, no matter how much she'd need him at odd hours. Harry helped her ignore what existed outside their room, though in there were new problems, different and hurtful.

She never let anyone know where she went the day Jonah fainted. Her hand would trail across her scars each time she remembered that night. The look in his eyes, the delusion in his words. She hated every bit of it, and it was difficult to survive when she had nothing distracting her from it.

She stayed at the cast house, her environment making it less likely for her to harm anyone or herself.

Her drinking was continued, though contained. There was no rowdiness, as she tried to bring back peace to herself. She wanted to feel deserving. She wanted to feel better about herself, as much as those scars made it hard for her. Her hatred for her body existed still, but with every passing day, she was getting better at ignoring it.

.

Jonah silently ate his breakfast, looking down at his phone. After a breakdown occurring only last night, with no one but an emotional support dog he got a week back to help him, it had been an awful predicament. He hated how he felt during it. But the dog certainly made it better, though he didnt want to admit it.

His visits to the hospital to see his sister were still common. Not a day passed when he didn't think of her.

There was no progress in her health, and they still couldn't determine how long the coma would last.

Jonah went to his studio that day, finishing the recording of another song. His crew congratulated him, though even among so many people, he missed two, his sister, Raven, and Eden.

They were the only ones he'd want to share his joy with.

He figured that if he was to date Eden, neither would want the other to play too big a part in their career choices. Work should always be kept separate from relationships. So, they would likely not have too much interference in each other's careers.

He was surprised that he was thinking of a relationship with such confidence.

He was becoming confident in the notion of loving her, slowly, but to engage with her himself, it was a struggle to become comfortable with. He was afraid.

But he was always afraid. How much did he want to lose in his fear and self-hate? It was time to move on, he knew, though sometimes all the feelings and everything did come back. He didn't want to be like that anymore.

Though he knew that those feelings would turn on him once dark fell or something made him feel unworthy again. It always happened.

Eden and Raven were the only two that made him feel he had something to get better for.

.

Jonah was pushed against the wall, surrounded by cameras flashing. He pushed through them, and moved to get to the car. The lights were blinding him, his panic setting in.

It wasn't common that the paparazzi were so uncontrolled outside the studio. He felt his stomach churn. He just wanted to get home.

He felt his shoulder being grabbed, and his eyes went wide, his breathing suddenly heavy, though it took a few seconds for him to realise it was a guard, and the guards helped make way for him.

He wasn't quite in his senses by the time he found himself sitting in his car, being driven home by Sebastian, for he trusted no one else.

Half the way passed, allowing him the time to calm himself, though his eyes found it hard to blink, or rest.

Suddenly, someone crashed against the door on his side, and he looked up in surprise. The man pushed himself away from the car and took off running down the street.

Jonah was paralyzed, not knowing what to do, his mind blank. There was chaos everywhere around him as police officers took off after the man.

.

Jonah collapsed into his bedroom floor. He wasn't sad, but he was anxious, and didn't know what to do except cry. He hated how easily he cried. He hated how easily his vulnerability came up front to be ogled at by life itself.

His head lifted as the thought of taking pills entered his mind, but as he was starting to move towards the cabinet, a dog ran in and started to lick his face.

Surprised, but still adoringly, he pet the dog and rubbed it's face. He was already getting distracted, and he hugged the dog.

And the next hour, he spent playing with his new dog and texting Eden to decide on a name for her.

They decided to get their fans to help. And so they held a livestream together.

"Cappuccino."

"Hmm."

"Coffee."

"Berry, no."

"Someone said Cat." Eden laughed.

"Butter is cute."

"Cream... Cheese." Eden giggled.

"Cheesy." Jonah grinned.

"Chocolate."

"Chip."

"Cracker."

"Banana."

"Seriously?" Eden grinned, raising her eyebrows.

Jonah shrugged, grinning all the same.

"You can name her after a flower, I mean, we've run out of ingredients."

"No, there's still sugar, salt, pepper, cardamon, cinnamon-"

"Ok, stop, stop, wait, Cinnamon is cute!" Eden exclaimed.

"It is."

"Do you want to continue, or have you got all you need to consider?"

"I think I'm done. I got some pretty decent picks, I'll choose from among them. Thanks, y'all." Jonah gave a smile.

Eden felt like melting at his smile. "Well then, it's finished. Thanks for helping, guys." She gave a wave, before they were all disconnected.

And Eden called him immediately. "What do you plan on?"

"Cinnamon, butter, those are my two picks."

"Go with Cinnamon. But don't call her Cin. That's... Not great."

Jonah laughed. "I'm guessing you want me to go with that because of her colour?" He asked, rubbing his dog's back.

"Kinda. And also because I like it." Truth was, she would never have chosen the name "Cinnamon" for a dog, before Jonah said it. He'd also said Butter, but Cinnamon felt better, but in all honesty, she couldn't explain her reasons. Cinnamon it was. And she reasoned with herself, it was because she liked cinnamon rolls.