Until We Lose Ourselves

6

"You can just, like, stop doing dumb shit. Maybe that'll help you keep your career." Marie reproached her.

"What if Winona finds out?" Eden's head was starting to hurt.

"Eden, stop your nonsense."

"You're right, you're so right, but I don't want to."

"Then don't blame anyone but yourself if you have to kiss your career goodbye." Even as she said this, Marie knew she'd be the one covering up everything for her.

Eden pursed her lips. "I'll announce the album on Instagram live today."

"Well, go then. Hopefully by the time it comes out, you will gave set your shit straight. It will be long before I can find someone who will do what Cullen did. These kinds of people aren't available everywhere. You two were friends, it worked out. Next time, I'll have to make the guy sign a contract."

Eden stared at her. She grew bored of the conversation and walked out.

.

Lili kissed Liam in front of the tv. They pulled away and laughed lightly.

"When will we tell the others?" Liam asked. "I cant wait to show you off."

"Soon, Liam. I promise." Lili told him. The two had grown undeniably close during the past few months. They were cuddling together on the couch.

"I want you to visit my house."

"Right now?"

"No, but, in a while."

"Alright." She kissed him again.

.

For a while, Eden stayed in line. Everyone was visiting because of Jonah. There were too many people in the house.

Lili came over often, and could feel the restlessness radiating off of her. Millie and Emilia did too. They didn't approach her about it, even though Millie would normally have.

Truth was, Eden and she had grown distant, despite the fact that they had been with each other the longest. Eden didn't enjoy her life, and Millie's was calm and constant. She wanted that, but she wouldn't admit it to herself. Not just that life, but to be happy with it. But she wasn't calm, nor was anything in her life constant.

Lili may have been her best friend during those days, but even she didn't know her all that much. She didn't like the normal lifestyle much either, so she was frequently out and drinking, but that had reduced a lot since she started dating Liam.

Eden didn't know this and often bugged her. "Why don't you go out anymore?"

"I don't want to."

Eden didn't want to admit it, but Lili's improvement made her feel worse.

On the other hand, everyone could feel that things had changed. Jonah was quieter. He barely said anything and was often late to come out, staying in his room. No one liked that change, but they didn't comment on it.

Chase, however, often tried to chat with him, make him play video games with him, go out with him. Jonah appreciated his efforts, but rarely went out.

The outside felt miserable. People going around aimlessly seemed miserable. He would think, how many people made the same mistake as him that day? Or the previous day? Or would the next day? How many people realised they made a mistake? How many people feel guilty about it now? How many will?

.

"I'm really glad that you decided to put your differences aside with Jonah." Millie smiled at Eden.

"Well, we're going to be house mates, even when you guys are gone. I kind of have to deal with him." She rolled her eyes.

"I'm still happy that you are being at least slightly thoughtful when you are speaking to him."

"Right. Wait." Eden's phone rang and she picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Eden, are you coming tonight?" Eden recognised the man to be Sean.

"I don't think so. You know what happened with Cullen, I'm not getting out to late night rendezvous."

"Whatever, I'll just take someone else home." He hung up and Eden rolled her eyes. Horny boys wanting one night stands was the least of her worries right then.

"Who was that?  Millie asked.

"Sean. We had sex twice, he wanted another night. Said I couldn't." Eden shrugged.

Millie shook her head disapprovingly. "Jonah hasn't been going out or having one night stands since his parents died."

"And what am I supposed to do with this information?" Eden asked. "Are you implying that you have a problem with my late night outs, and adventures with people I haven't met more than once?"

Millie shrugged. "You also lost your parents."

"I didn't lose anyone. They abandoned me." Eden snapped harshly.

"You don't know for sure."

"I fucking know. I know that they left me in the dust and didn't give a fuck about what happened to me-"

"You can be wrong."

"Shut it."

"Are you angry?" Millie asked with a stoic expression.

Eden glared at her. She took two deep breaths and said, "I'm not."

"You seem like you are."

Eden almost jumped up, but she closed her eyes and opened them again, before saying, "I'm fine."

Millie glared at her. "You haven't had an episode in quite some time. Keep it that way." Millie made her way out of Eden's room and slammed the door shut. Eden flinched at the sound. She hated that Millie knew. She hated that she could use it against her.

.

"I'm not wearing this." Eden's eyes were wide with bewilderment. "He knows I have to dance, I can't wear a fucking skirt on stage! Other than putting my underwear on display, it would only cause me to trip and fall."

"This is what Hade has ordered." The stylist told her.

"I'm not wearing that."

"I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice."

Eden's jaw clenched. A bad decision was only moments away, but the stylist left her the dress and went out.

Eden pursed her lips and put it on.

.

"Right, I'm ready." Eden told her on stage crew.

"How will you dance in that?" Natasha asked.

"You'll see." She smiled.

"Getting into our positions, now!" They ran to the stage and Eden took her place behind the curtain. The beats began and the curtain was pulled back. The crowd screamed. Eden pursed her lips again. She started singing.

Her dance break was coming, and right as it did, she ripped off her skirt to reveal black shorts. The very casual punky look came naturally to her.

And there was not a problem as she did what she was to do. Singing and dancing.