Until We Lose Ourselves

8

"Hey, I heard what happened to Hade." Chase came over and sat down near Eden.

"Yeah I did too." Dean came as well.

"Her music manager? What happened to him?" Emilia asked.

Millie eyed Eden sharply.

Jonah just watched the scene in front of him.

The rest also turned to listen.

"He apparently was found unconscious on the floor of his studio, with blood pouring out of his head and glass everywhere." Lili told them.

Millie's stare made Eden feel uneasy but she didn't show it. "Yeah, I know. Seemed pretty bad."

"So who'll manage your music for the time being?" Liam asked.

"I don't need a manager yet. If he comes back in a month, it's all fine." Eden lied smoothly.

"Isn't your contract ending this month?" Millie asked.

It dawned on Eden, and she was quiet for a few seconds. "You are right." She mumbled.

"Did you not remember?" Millie asked.

"I didn't."

"Why is that of importance?" Emilia asked.

"You don't need to worry about it." Eden reassured her. She was the only one who needed to worry.

"Can I talk to you, Eden? Alone?" It wasn't really a request from Millie's side.

Eden bit her lip. "Sure, let's go up to my room."

.

Millie slammed the door shut and turned around quickly. "Was it you?"

Eden glared at her. "Yes. It was."

"Goddamnit, Eden. You were doing so well-"

"If only you wouldn't judge so quickly and let me speak!" She slammed her hands on the bed on each side of her legs.

"What?"

"He was drunk. He was forcing himself on me." She snarled. "Now, if you are done, can you please get out of my room?"

Millie stared at her, her eyes softening. She knew why Eden was asking for her to leave, but she needed to apologise. "Eden, I didn't-"

"Leave." Eden looked down, taking deep breaths.

Millie looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry." She whispered before exiting the room, closing the door behind her.

"It's alright." She whispered to herself, because she was all she had. She didn't want to be destructive. She needed to calm herself.

.

"Can I come with?" Eden asked quietly.

"To see my sister?" Jonah asked.

Eden nodded.

"Sure." He smiled.

They took the car to the hospital and Jonah led her to where his sister was.

She let him take his time with her before he invited her inside the room. Jonah's eyes were red and Eden felt weird seeing such emotion from him again. She still wasn't used to them not screaming at each other.

She went closer to the bed and looked at his sister. She's beautiful. The thirteen year old girl lay motionlessly, other than the slow rise and fall of her chest. She glanced at Jonah, saw him watching his sister with pain in his eyes. He came closer and stood near Eden.

Eden wasn't one for emotions, but right then, she exhibited an entirely different version of herself. She took Raven's hand and said, "She'll make it through. I can see the bravery written on her face." She put down her hand and her eyes turned to the cast on her chest and left hand, then at her closed eyes. It gave her a hollow feeling in her chest. She looked away.

.

The drive back home was quiet. It wasn't awkward, but neither wanted to speak.

Once they got home, they both stepped out of the car and headed up the small staircase to the door. Jonah fumbled with the keys, but Eden placed a hand on his two. He looked at her. She looked back. "Thank you. For taking me to see her."

"What's there to thank?" He asked with a light laugh.

Eden's vision blurred. Her thoughts raced in her head, but she silenced them by closing her eyes for a second, her head turned down, and then reopening them.

She looked back up and said, "Everything. I saw something that was so raw, I forgot myself." She stopped herself from saying any further, and took the keys, pulling her hand back and opening the door herself. Why do I not have that?

.

"Your body is perfect." Hade told Eden.

Eden stood in the shorts and blouse that had been recommended to her. She looked at herself in the mirror. She liked her body. No scar, no ink. She was twelve, she knew it was weird for his hands to be on her waist, but he had never tried to go far, so if this kept their relationship steady, she shouldn't stop him.

After all, where would she be without him?

There would be no camera in her life after her first acting job, but Hade had helped her come so far. She didn't need to be rude.

Hade's hands trailed along her hands, Eden didn't say anything. "You're beautiful."

Eden didn't like that he, being probably over twenty years older than her, was doing this, but still, she was grateful for where he had brought her in her young years.

"Go now. Your crowd is waiting."

Eden nodded and left the room.

.

As these memories ran through her mind, Eden remained quiet and unmoving before the mirror. She glanced over every patch of her visible skin and let her mind run.

.

Hade threw her on the ground and she just stayed there. He was annoyed, and showed it by dragging her up by her hair and hurtling her across the room at the wall.

He left the room, and Eden placed a hand where she had hit her head. She pulled away and saw the blood.

She pulled herself up and stumbled to the glass near the door. She looked at her image in the mirror and her broken exhausted state was one she still wasn't used to.

Hade had hurt her many times, but never enough to draw blood. Slaps here and there, kicks in the gut, that was all common. But seeing this blood ticked her off. She tightened her hands into fists and then loosened them. One of her hands went do where the scars were, on her lower abdomen.

She didn't realise then, but she had become something different. Something she would come to hate, but she didn't know, and when the first signs of that monster came, she would embrace them.

She wouldn't be any better than Hade for the time being, and more. She had already lost everything, even at fourteen. All she had now was her career, a few friends who wouldn't dare talk about anything other than appearance, and Hade and Marie.

She would still sleep alone, and she would still lock her door, because she would always be afraid, and yet, too weak to talk about it. All because she wanted to be strong.