Until We Lose Ourselves

34

1 month later

Eden closed the door behind her and rested her back against it. She now had a separate apartment, so she didn't have to worry about anyone else being there.

But, she had almost done it again. She had almost let go of herself.

She had almost hurt Harry.

And she knew that he wouldn't stay for a minute. They hadn't met very long ago, and their relationship wasn't strong. Though, he planned to date her, he wouldn't take her ugly side. Eden didn't want to lose him. He was a distraction, and she didn't want to be alone.

He wouldn't stick around.

And it was probably better for her to practice controlling herself from then onwards.

Her job was stressing her out. The drinking and Harry allowed her to feel calmer. The media had put her under fire for a while, but it was starting to die down. She was grateful.

.

Eden groaned, getting off her bed to find some painkillers. She made her way down the stairs after checking the cabinets and drawers at her floor, and eventually realised she had none.

She drank water, trying to make herself feel better, but wasn't very successful.

A little while later, Harry stumbled into the room, looking up to watch her. "You're taking the pills?"

"Yeah." She lied.

"Good, 'cause I don't want another problem at our heads."

Eden was not offended, neither was she in the mood to fight.

"Where're the painkillers?"

"We ran out."

Harry stared at her, incredulously. "What the hell? I thought we agreed you'd take care of that?"

"We never agreed on anything, Tunningstun." Eden rolled her eyes.

"So what, am I supposed to drive home with this headache?"

"You can stay. Just be quiet."

"Don't tell me what I should do." He snarled.

"Don't fucking start this shit." She snapped.

"I'm not starting anything. You're the one always ready to argue." He glared at her.

"Maybe you should stop being a fucking asshole then." Eden stood up from the stool she sat on.

"Again with the blaming? You just can't accept your mistakes, can you? You always need someone to blame!"

"I'm the one blaming? You're here, trying to argue with me over something as stupid as painkillers, and you're blaming me of blaming you, what the fuck?"

"You don't even know what you're saying! Are you listening to yourself? To how stupid you sound?"

"Don't fucking say that!" She moved closer to him.

"Say what? Call you stupid? Hyper? Idiotic?" He took steps closer to her. "It's what you are. And you're too sensitive to accept that too, aren't you?"

Eden punched him. In the chest, making him let out a cough. Then she grabbed the stool closest to her and attempted to thrust it's leg into his chest, but ended up throwing it at the floor, hearing it's loud noise bring her back to her senses.

"You're fucking crazy." He breathed out. "I'm out of here." Harry left to gather his stuff, and she stayed there, numb. She soon heard the front door open and close loudly, which shook her to the core, making her tears spill out. He's right. I'm fucking stupid. I have so much, and here I am, feeling like I have nothing. I'm fucking awful.

I ruined another thing.

.

"How come you decided to come back?" Eden asked, lying besides Harry.

"I like you. Maybe you're not in the best place, but I still want you to date me."

Eden was about to stop his plans, but she thought for a minute. How many times has anyone stayed after finding out my true self? And he keeps me distracted. He relieves my stress. Maybe... it's ok.

He nudged her. "Do you want to?"

"Date you? Sure. Nothing serious though."

"Nothing is serious. Of course." Harry promised, stroking her side. "And maybe you'll tell me about that scar you don't let me see."

"Not yet." Eden whispered, turning away from him. "Goodnight." There was very little chance that she'd sleep, but she didn't want to talk to him any further.

"Goodnight."

.

"You need to turn on your comments. You are just giving people more reasons to talk about you." Marie told her over the phone.

"But, there is so much bad stuff in there. I don't want to." Eden pleaded.

"I don't want to force you, but Winona demands it."

Eden pulled her phone away from her ear and hung up on her. She threw the phone on her bed, and breathed deeply. Her eyes closed. She felt the rage building up in her. She decided that alcohol was the best way to get past it.

And so she drank. It was 2 am when she finally sat down on her bed and picked up her phone. Through her blurry vision, she turned the comments on.

The first few comments were alright, but when they became bad, Eden glared at her phone, breathing heavily. She threw the bottle in her hand and it broke upon hitting the floor. Eden stood up, but stumbled and fell on the glass. She moved away from the mess and closed her eyes. She didn't feel the pain. And she fell asleep.

.

"What an idiot you are." Penelope snapped, taking out the last bit of glass in Eden's legs. "Do you know how much worse it could have gotten? You better hope it isn't infected." She began to rub the alcohol on her wounds.

Eden hissed at the sensation, though remained quiet. She watched Penelope do the last of the cleaning up before she put bandages on her.

"You should be happy we aren't filming for the next few days." Penelope mumbled. She put away the last of the things and made Eden stand up. "What happened, Eden? I thought you didn't harm yourself."

"I didn't harm myself. Not on purpose." She mumbled.

"You drank and threw the bottle. Then you happened to fall on it. I'm really worried about you." Penelope sighed.

"It's really what happened. I just-" Eden took a deep breath. "I want to go back. I want to return to Seattle."

"You can go in the two month break that will come up, but they won't allow you to leave among these days." Penelope told her.

"What if I just quickly went down there and came back before they could know?"

"No, Eden." Penelope sighed. "I won't let you do that. Especially when you are like this."

"Maybe going back will help me feel better."

"Or maybe worse."