Until We Lose Ourselves

4

Eden entered cautiously. When she saw no one, she took quick steps to the living room. Her heels clicked against the floor loudly, but Jonah did not stir from his position. He was sitting on the couch, head down, his raven curls falling in front of him, covering his face. He held a beer bottle in one hand and a whole stack lied nearby.

Eden made her way closer to him, her presence had already been announced by her heels. "Can you give me that bottle in your hand?" She asked.

He didn't respond.

Eden suddenly snatched it from his hands and he quickly stood up. Glaring angrily at her, he demanded, "Hand that back."

Eden glared back at him. She opened the window and threw it out, and one by one, began to throw out the bottles from the heavy stack too.

"Stop it!" He screamed, but he was too drunk to even stand properly. He tried to take a step forward, resulting in him falling back on the couch. He stood up again and began to make his way to the main door.

"Where do you think you are going?" Eden asked loudly.

Jonah didn't respond, and instead began to open the door and take out his car keys from his pocket.

Eden noticed this and immediately ran up to him. She pulled him away from the door and slammed it shut, locking it. He started to mumble profanities, but Eden didn't listen and began to pull him up the stairs. He protested violently, but his drunkenness didn't help his aim.

Eden saw his room right ahead of her and pulled him closer to the door. She opened the door and pushed him inside. She then pulled him to his bed and made him lay down. She heard a, "Let me..." before he dozed off. Eden stared at his face. It seemed as if the past two months had taken away most of his brightness, but he was still young. He didn't need to have gone through that. His youth needed brightness.

Eden's thoughts drifted off to herself, once her eyes fell on the floor length mirror. She examined herself. Her clothes were normal, but her face looked way more mature by the make up. She placed her hand on her left side, over the abdomen. She looked at her hair. She had hated her curls and gotten rid of them permanently. But, in that moment, she missed them. Along with that, she missed her own youthfulness. She was younger than Jonah, but yet, she felt that her entire youth was gone, whereas his was evident on his face. He looked so innocent. And she didn't even feel so.

Eden looked away and made her way out of his room. Before leaving, she took one last look at his face. She then closed the door behind her.

She envied him.

.

Eden washed her face violently. She looked up into the mirror. There was no trace of what she was looking for; innocence.

It wasn't just time and the people surrounding her that took it, but her own self. It was who she was. It was she, who would never see herself as "only another teen," and she hated that, and she reminded herself of this every day.

She took a deep breath and went back to her room. She lied down on the bed, looking straight up. Eventually, she too fell asleep.

.

"And your album announcement is still left, dude." Marie told Eden over the phone.

"Yeah, I know." Eden dragged out the last word.

"So are you going to the studio or not?"

"I don't think so..."

"Hade won't be happy about that."

"I don't care."

"Well, you do you. Goodbye."

"Bye."

Eden moved down the stairs and opened the door to Jonah's room slowly. She closed the door upon seeing him asleep still and made her way downstairs.

Two hours passed and she decided to check on Jonah again. She went upstairs and placed her hand on the door knob, but before she could, Jason turned it from the other side and opened the door. Eden moved back and stared at him. He didn't look at her eyes, still letting her catch a glimpse of how exhausted he was, and went downstairs.

She grumbled something under her breath. She took out her phone and opened the group chat between her, Millie, Lili, and Emilia. She typed in, Jonah at cast house, apparently bought the rest of it, not lookin too good, don't think he would want anyone to know.

She quickly hit the "send" button and shoved her phone back into her jean pocket, yes, girls' jeans, with proper pockets.

She kept a watch on him from a distance. He didn't seem to do much, other than sit around and think. Eventually, it was 5 pm and she couldn't watch him anymore. It was strange how much it troubled her, him sitting with such anguish in his eyes.

Eden made her way to where Jonah sat, and took a seat beside him.

She stayed quiet for a bit, but he didn't do anything. So, she spoke, "I know what you must be going through, seriously. I don't blame you for trying to drown it out by alcohol, it's what anyone would do." She paused. "I'm just trying to say... I know it isn't easy, but you are just seventeen, Jonah. You are allowed to be sad, but, during this time, don't let yourself go. You still have lots to live for, and to look forward to. So, while you are sad, don't let yourself go so much that you can't be a teen again..."

She stared at him, waiting for a response. She didn't get one for a while, but she stayed.

She didn't think she'd get one at that point, but he suddenlywhispered, "I don't want to."

"To be a teen? To be alright? Whatever it is, you will want to, if not now, then later you will, or when you begin to love life again, but I promise, at some point, you'll be alright, and you'll want to be alright." Eden insisted.

"No, I want to be alright, but... not alone... with my family." His voice broke at the end.

"No one can give you back your family. No one can erase what happened. But, you have friends, people that love you. Be sad, of course you should be sad. Feel like a normal fucking person, but pick up your broken self so that you can be your best again, so your parents can be happy over there. I don't know the afterlife stuff, but they would want their boy to be happy, and be a teenager. Your parents wouldn't want you to grow up too fast, or lose yourself too soon."

"Why did they leave?" He asked after a short pause. His sorrow made him ignore that they were supposed to hate each other, and just bicker if they ever did talk.

"It was their time to go. I'm- I'm sorry. I promise, this will find it's place in your life." She pleaded.

"Where is your family, Eden?"

Eden froze. She didn't answer for a few seconds, but then said, "I wish I knew."

Jonah looked at her. She looked back.

Then she stood up. "Think over it. You have a chance at making your life a good one, a chance that can be ruined if you drown yourself like this." She turned and walked up the stairs, to her room.