I Only Knew to Run (a Demi Lovato fanfic)

Those Eyes

I stared at the ceiling of our hotel room. How long would Demi and Dianna be talking outside? What were they gonna do with me now?

The door opened and I expected it to be Demi and Dianna but in walked Camila. I looked at her then reareanged my focus back on the ceiling. She crawled under the covers with me.

"Are you okay?" She gazed into my eyes but mine didn't budge.

I decided not to answer her question. "Did Demi really let you in here?"

She sighed. "Well, since this is my room too, I told them I needed to get something."

"Oh."

"But really I just wanted to make sure you were-"

Demi and Dianna walked through the door. "I thought you were getting your charger?" Demi raised an eyebrow.

"About that..." Camila said.

"That's right," Demi pulled Camila up by the arm. "Get a move on."

"But this is my room too." She pouted sticking out her lower lip.

"And who's bringing you on tour?"

"Right," Mila laughed sheepishly. "Well, I'm just gonna go now..." She walked backwards towards the door. "Good luck, Val!"

After she left Dianna and Demi both crawled into the bed with me. Demi on my left and Dianna on the right. I felt extremely uncomfortable with Dianna so I scoot closer to my sister and wrapped my arms around her.

"Please don't hate me," I whispered into the crook of her neck."

"Val, look at me." She sat up. "Look at me," she repeated since I didn't do anything.

"Why did you do this?"

"I don't know, we were on the plane and it just happ-"

"Val, we were sitting right by each other you could've came to me." Her eyes glossed over with tears. Was this triggering her?

"I know."

"So why didn't you?"

That's right. Why didn't I?

I looked into Demi's brown eyes. They glimmered with love and curiosity. There was a dim shadow of hurt that she tried to cover up but I could see past that.

"I just get so angry sometimes and I didn't want to stress you out," my voice came out shaky. "I got flashbacks from some messed up nights in Chicago. And I still get upset sometimes at mom - I mean Dianna - and.. And, I question... Am I really worth keeping and being here with you guys? Still, to this day, I wonder why you are letting me live with you? Are you guilty because of mom's decisions?"

After my little soliloquy I didn't dare glance at Dianna. Demi just took my hands and played with my fingers for a few moments before looking up into my eyes and speaking. "I was gonna wait till your birthday to tell you this," she started. "But I think maybe you need to hear this now."

"Hmm?"

"I'm working on adopting you."

My eyes bulged but my lips formed a smile. "Really!?"

"Demetria," Dianna sat up. "Why didn't you tell me about this!?"

Well. Shit is about to go down.

Demi played with my fingers some more. Her hands were soft and gentle, I didn't want her to stop. "Because I knew how you would react," she finally spoke up. There was a knock on the door and someone walked in. "Camila, I said not now.." Demi said with frustration.

Except it wasn't Camila. It was Eddie. We haven't really talked much since that situation at the hospital, but he was always there. We'd often play checkers late at night together and I had some of the best memories with him.

"Did you know about this?" Dianna spoke up, hurt clear in her tone.

"Know about what?" He questioned going to sit in the chair across from the bed.

"About Demi trying to adopt Valerie."

Eddie was silent.

"Am I the only one who doesn't know?" She asked. More silence. "You know what, I need to take a breather." She pushed the covers off her and went to the balcony shoving the screen door behind her.

"Well. That went well," Demi said sarcastically. "How do you feel about this though, baby girl?"

I curled closer up to Demi. She was my security blanket and there was nobody in the world that I loved more than her. Maybe that seems weird because she's my sister but she was the first person who has truly cared about me. And that means the world to me and I will never let her go.

"Demi, of course I'm happy. And I'm really sorry about relapsing but I just couldn't help it."

She brushed my hair behind my ear. "I understand. Relapsing is a part of recovery, okay? But promise me that next time you'll go go me or even Camila?"

"I promise that I'll try my best." And before I even finished Demi brought me into and even tighter hug. "Can't. Breathe."

"Sorry," she laughed releasing me.

"Now what do we do about Dianna?" I turned to Eddie. "I think I should go out there with her."

"That's not something you have to worry about, Munchie." Eddie said softly. Munchie. That was the nickname he developed for me and I secretly loved it even though every time he called me that I would roll my eyes.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right but this is something I want to do."

Demi and Eddie looked at me a bit surprised because they both knew it was my least favorite thing to spend some time with Dianna. So, they let me.

I quietly opened up the screen door and stood next to my biological mother. A year ago I never would have dreamed of being in the same place as my mother. Let alone, a beautiful balcony in Brazil. So, why did I not really want to be here with her? Or was it just me disguising my hurt?

"Val, what are you doing out here?" Dianna said. It was obvious in her voice that she had been crying.

I didn't answer her question but instead wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close. She broke down in my arms crying. No, sobbing. Why was she so sad?

"I'm so sorry," she weeped. "I'm not usually like this but I'm just trying so freaking hard to get you to love me... Even though I know it's my fault that you don't. I gave you up and deserve any hatred that you give me. But it doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt."

She pulled away from me and stared out the balcony once again. The echo of screaming fans were audible in the distance. "I don't hate you, Mom."

Dianna turned back towards me with the word 'mom'. "I could never hate you, even if I tried." I continued to confess. "While I trust Demi more, there is the undeniable connection that we have as a mother and daughter and that is something I truly value."

"I love you, Valerie." Dianna said as she pulled me in for another hug.

"I love you too," I forced myself to respond.

Whether the words I told her were a truth or a lie... I didn't know. All I do know is - I definitely wasn't ready to say them.

A/N okay so hey everyone! hope you like this chapter :) this one is dedicated to @welcometoyourself @xRieneke @love_da_hataz aaand @littleki for commenting on the last chapter and giving input.
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Questions:
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